Picking Up The Pieces
by greyslostwho
Summary: Maddison fic. Angsty and fluffy in places. Addison and Mark are reunited, but then torn apart, then pushed back together again by a disaster. Can they survive it? Because they are the best pairing and are beautiful and hot hot hot! R&R! FINISHED!
1. Electricity: Addison's POV

**UNTITLED**

**Maddison fic. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York to visit family and he is in for a huge surprise.**

Chapter One – Electricity (Addison's POV)

I stared out of my hotel window down onto the streets of Seattle for the last time. After tonight, I wouldn't be able to do this anymore. I wouldn't be able to look north and see the glaring lights of Seattle Grace Hospital, and know that within the next twenty four hours I would have saved another life there, or brought another baby into the world. I wouldn't be able to lean out and take a deep breath, knowing that the people I cared most about were breathing in the same air. My friends, Miranda, Callie and Adele; Richard Webber, who I had known and liked for so long; the interns I had grown to adore, watching them progress, I felt, annoyingly, like a proud mother. And the man that I loved. But I would never admit it. Even to myself.

_I can't really explain it_

_I haven't got the words_

_It's a feeling_

_That you can't control_

A knock at the door startled me from my reverie. I looked at the clock. It was nearly one o clock in the morning. Had someone got the wrong room?

"Who is it?" I called out, trying to make myself sound sleepy.

"It's me."

My heart did two things at once – some sort of strange back flip as well as skipping a beat. I opened my mouth but no words came out. So I closed it again.

"Addy? Let me in."

Suddenly shaky, I stood up and walked across to the door. I turned the key in the lock and opened it slowly. Mark Sloane stood outside my room, holding a bottle of champagne and a bunch of flowers.

_I suppose its like forgetting _

_Losing who you are_

_And at the same time_

_Something makes you whole_

Still clutching the doorframe as if for dear life, I looked up at his face.

"I thought you could do with celebrating your new job." He said. I smiled weakly. **He can't be here! He just can't! He would make me go mad! **

"Mark, I really need to get some sleep right now." I said, forcing a kind smile. He shook his head slowly at me.

"You weren't sleeping, and you had no intention of doing it. I know you, Addison. Now for Christ's sake, let me in."

Without another word I stepped back and let him through the door. He closed it behind him with his foot and then he handed me the flowers.

"Congratulations, Dr Montgomery."

I smiled as I took them. Red lilies. How had he known they were my favourite? I was suddenly thrown back into a sudden memory of Derek buying me white roses and claiming that he knew they were my favourite flowers, and I was smiling and agreeing with him even though they weren't.

_Its like that there's some music_

_Playing in your ear_

_And I'm listening _

_And I'm listening_

_And then I disappear_

"Thank you." I breathed, "They're beautiful."

"Like you." He whispered, and I forced myself to turn away and walk back into my room, where I sat down on my bed. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating, and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold out. Mark came back through from the kitchen, holding two glasses of champagne. He handed one to me.

"Why didn't you tell me you were planning on leaving?" he asked, his eyes showing something I couldn't place – something that was almost disappointment. I sighed and looked him directly in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Mark. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to change the way people acted around me. I didn't want my last few weeks at SGH to be different."

"It's gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you."

And he reached out and put a hand on my leg.

_And then I feel a change_

_Like a fire deep inside_

_Something bursting me wide open_

_Impossible to hide_

I looked at him, failing to disguise what I was feeling.

"I'm gonna miss all of you." I said, and downed the champagne in one gulp. Mark lifted the bottle from off the floor and poured me another glass, which I drank straight down again. Then he looked at me, and something in his eyes had changed.

"Addison…" he breathed, and reached out and cupped my face with one hand. The feel of that hand on my cheek was burning through my skin. There was nothing I could do to stop the feeling rising inside of me. I wanted to reach out and put my arms around him, I wanted to hold him and love him and kiss him and stay right here with him forever. How did Mark Sloane manage to have that effect on me? How did he manage to make me weak at the knees and shaky? What did he have that other men didn't? What did he have that had made me unfaithful to my husband, that had made me go crazy at the sight of him, which had made me so loathe to leave Seattle?

I knew one thing. When he was touching me, I couldn't think. My brain didn't work like it should. It didn't run the way it usually did. I couldn't concentrate, and I certainly didn't trust my own judgement.

_And suddenly I'm flying_

_Flying like a bird_

_Like electricity_

I put my hand over his on my cheek, ready to bring it down slowly so I didn't crack and lose all my self control. But then he brushed my hair back from in front of my eyes with the other hand, and I found myself – cliché or not – mesmerised by his eyes. Mark Sloane had taken complete advantage of me – and I didn't care.

"Stop it." I breathed, but I sounded weak, and less than forceful. He bent his head and brushed his lips with mine.

"No." he said defiantly, and two strong, muscular arms came around me. Somehow my hands found themselves curling at the back of his neck, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning up and kissing him. His lips on mine tasted like something too wonderful to imagine. I was able to forget that I was leaving tomorrow; I was able to forget that I probably meant nothing but sex to him, and I kissed him without a second thought.

_Electricity_

_Sparks inside of me_

_And I'm free, I'm free._

I couldn't breathe for kissing him, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. It was such an amazing feeling, the same feeling that had led me to cheat on Derek, the same feeling that had made me so angry when he had turned up at Seattle Grace, and the same feeling that made me shiver at the thought of leaving and never coming back. I couldn't understand it. I was like I had been as a kid, the day I had had my first kiss. Out of control.

I found both my hands tousling his hair, and his hands were on my shoulders, my hips, my waist. He was gently fiddling with the hem of my shirt, gradually pulling it up and over and off. I found myself tearing his open, spreading my fingers on his bare chest, letting his mouth wander down to my neck. I couldn't breathe… I couldn't breathe…

_It's a bit like being angry_

_It's a bit like being scared_

_Confused and all mixed up_

_And mad as hell_

He lifted me slowly into his lap, and we were kissing wildly, unable to get enough of each other. I have never hated myself more than I did in that moment. I could have stopped him, I could have pulled away, said no. But I didn't. I just deepened the kiss and was suddenly thrown into a memory, of a day almost six months ago now.

_I rushed downstairs to open the door. At last, company! Derek had been at the hospital for well over thirty six hours, I guessed he had decided to sleep in an on call room, but I missed human contact. You didn't get very many emergency operations in gynae, and so I was home a lot and Derek was…absent. So when I opened the door and saw Mark Sloane, Derek's best friend who had lately become one of mine, my heart leapt. I hugged him._

"_I've missed you." I said, and he nodded. Then I let him in and he sat in the lounge with his bags whilst I made coffee. He'd been in Thailand for two months, and so my life had been even lonelier than usual. But with Mark back suddenly everything was looking up._

"_How've you been, Addy?" he said, "I called a couple of times but both of you were always out."_

"_He's always out, you mean." I said, but immediately felt guilty for saying it. I knew I was lonely, but I didn't need to burden Mark with my marriage issues. And I knew that Derek was out there saving people's lives. So really I shouldn't have been angry about it. But I couldn't help it. And before I knew it I was practically crying to him._

"_He's never here, Mark. He always has one more surgery, or one last patient to check on, and it seems to take him forever. He'll sleep in on call rooms, sometimes even for days on end, and I hardly see him. I can't even remember the last time we had-"_

"_Whoa!" Mark interrupted. "I don't wanna know that."_

"_Sorry." I sniffed, "Mark, am I really that boring, or ugly or stupid that he doesn't want to spend any time with me?"_

_It's like when you've been crying_

_And you're empty and you're full_

_I don't know what it is_

_It's hard to tell_

_The anger in his eyes surprised me. He took both my hands and looked me straight in the eye._

"_Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, don't you ever say that again. You are certainly not boring – and stupid? You're the best Neonatal surgeon in the country! And whatever else, Addy, you are not ugly. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. And… and…" He trailed off, and when I looked at him closely I could see that he had almost blushed. _

"_What?"_

"_I brought you a present." He said, and brought something in a pretty Thai decorated pouch out of his bag. Then he handed it to me, with a kiss on the cheek._

"_Something for the most beautiful woman in the world." He said, and this time I blushed. But I knew Mark. He was just messing with me. He had a different girlfriend every night, and he called Derek and I frequently from bars in town, wanting a lift home with the latest big busted blonde. But as I opened the pouch I felt different. I felt special._

_Inside was a necklace with a gold chain. I lifted it out of the bag, and the pendant on the end was two snakes, entwined with each other, set either side of a beautiful ruby. I held it there for a moment, transfixed by the beauty of it. _

"_Let me put it on." He said, and he took it from me. I shifted a little in the seat so that I was facing away from him. He lifted the necklace and fastened it around my neck, rough hands brushing my skin lightly, sending shivers down my spine. I turned around._

"_It matches you hair." He said, and his voice was low and husky._

"_Thank you, Mark." I said, and I leant forward to kiss him on the cheek. I don't know what came over me then, but in between moving and reaching his stubbly cheek with my lips, I managed to find his. Rough and dry lips that when they brushed mine set my heart on fire. _

_It's like when there's some music_

_Playing in your ear_

_But the music is impossible_

_Impossible to hear_

_For a moment we just held there, our lips touching, enjoying the sensation of it. But then I felt his tongue coaxing my mouth open, and to be honest, I didn't need the coaxing. My arms were around his neck, and I had lifted myself into his arms. I felt like I was devouring his face, but nothing in the world could have stopped me. I felt special, I felt like I mattered. And for once in my miserable existence I needed that. I needed it all. Gradually I felt him pull away. I found myself grinning._

"_Addison, should we be doing this?" He asked, his eyes full of concern. That struck me as a very un-Mark like thing to do, but I couldn't think right then. I leant forward and kissed him softly._

"_Bedroom?" I whispered. His eyes widened._

"_Are you sure-"_

"_Shut up." I said, and lifted myself off the sofa, pulling him with me into the room Derek and I had slept in, side by side, for eleven years. _

_And then I feel it move me_

_Like a burning deep inside_

_Something bursting me wide open_

_Impossible to hide_

We lay, exhausted, side by side, on my bed. I had made it neatly to help the hotel staff in the morning, but all my good work had gone to waste. We lay in a tangle of sheets, Mark's torso out of the covers, laid on his side, facing me, eyes closed. Asleep. I snuggled down deeper under the blankets, as if trying to hide from what had just happened. Trying to hide from my own pathetic lack of self control. Trying to hide from everything.

I stared at him for a moment, wishing I could understand him, understand us. I could hardly remember why I had been so stupid, except for there was something about Mark that made it impossible for me to think straight, and impossible for me to make the correct judgement. I sighed and let my eyes drift shut.

_And suddenly I'm flying_

_Flying like a bird_

_Like electricity_

_Electricity_

_Sparks inside of me_

_And I'm free, I'm free._

When I woke again, my eyes focused on one thing – Mark's face above mine. He bent down and kissed me. I kissed him back, desperate and weak against the strange power he seemed to hold over me. I felt his arms coming around me again, and I felt my consciousness slipping away as I let myself drown in him for the second time. His mouth on mine took me back to a time when things were simpler, when we were teenagers, and we were spontaneous and anything that we did didn't change anything. We were free.

_Electricity_

_Sparks inside of me_

_And I'm free, I'm free_

_Oooooooooooooh_

I looked at Mark beside me. He was asleep. A shaft of sunlight was shining across his face, suddenly illuminating what had occurred. I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. I silently slid out from under the covers, and crept across to my wardrobe, grabbing the one outfit I had left out for today. I changed in the bathroom, and then I shoved the clothes that were scattered on the floor into my case. I brushed my hair and cleaned my teeth, and then I zipped up my case and looked around. Mark was still sound asleep. Slowly, I pulled a pad of hotel issue paper from the drawer and scribbled down a few things on it, knowing that really nothing could say what I felt in my heart.

I put it on the table, along with both hotel keys. He could check out for me. A last favour. I can't say how much I wanted to give him a goodbye kiss, but I couldn't resist waking him. That would ruin everything. So I left the room, shutting the door behind me.

_I'm free…._


	2. You Could Be Happy: Mark's POV

**UNTITLED**

**Maddison fic. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**So here's the next chapter. This one is written from Mark's point of view, and the song is You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol (who rule by the way). The song from the last chapter was Electricity by Elton John, which is also in Billy Eliot. I probably ought to say something about not owning Grey's Anatomy or Mark or Addison now, but it seems slightly pointless as I doubt anyone reading this thought for one minute that I did. So, here we go then. Lots of angst.**

Chapter Two – You Could Be Happy (Mark's POV)

I stirred slowly, and it was like waking from a beautiful dream. The last thing I could remember was falling asleep with Addison's lips lingering on mine, her body bare and beautiful in my arms. But as I went to kiss her head, my arms groped at nothing. My eyes opened slowly, still groggily, and I looked around. It was like an arrow through the heart when I realised she was gone.

It never occurred to me that she might be in the bathroom or just down the corridor or something. I knew straight away that I had lost her – again. I got out of my bed and walked across the hotel room in just my boxers. Then I saw it. On the table.

**Mark**

**I am sorry that it had to end like this. I'm sorry that you and me didn't work. I know you're probably mad right now and all you can think is that I should have stayed with you, we could have worked this out, but we couldn't. You and me would never have worked. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm going, because I don't want you to come after me. I don't want to be Addison Montgomery-used-to-be-Shepherd, who had the perfect marriage until she had an affair, and even then she couldn't make it work with the one guy she ever really loved. I did love you, Mark, we both know that. But I need to try to stop. I need to go to a place where I can be Addison Montgomery, without any baggage. I want to **_**live, **_**Mark, really live. **

**Can you clean up the room a bit and check out for me before lunch time? I won't answer my cell phone, so please don't call me. I need to be free. I'm gonna miss you just as much as you miss me, I promise. And when I see you again we'll both smile and shake hands and say 'oh, yeah, I knew Dr Sloane a while back.' But we can't be Addison-and-Mark because we'd never be able to make it work. We're both too arrogant, too self centred and too ambitious. We'd never be what each other needed. And what I need is a new life, away from the memories.**

**Forever and always,**

**Your Addison.**

**P.S. I love you.**

The last line she had crossed out violently with two thick pen strokes. I found my eyes were blurring. I could see that the paper she had written on was dotted with tear stains, but I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why she would go. But she had gone. And there was nothing I could do about it.

_You could be happy_

_And I won't know_

_But you weren't happy the day I _

_Watched you go_

I picked up my cell phone from where Addison had tossed it onto the floor last night. It was tough, luckily, and it hadn't even turned itself off. I felt a lump rising in my throat as I looked at my background. It was me, Addison, Derek, Karev, Stevens and Grey with that famous athlete that we operated on after she was in a car crash, whilst pregnant. Derek fixed her head, Addison fixed her baby and I did plastics. We were all smiling so wide. I had my arm around Addison's waist and I was leaning into her. She was smiling and laughing and the look on her face was pure… beauty.

_And all the things that I wish I _

_Had not said_

_Are played in loops til it's madness _

_In my head_

There was something I didn't tell her last night. Between kisses, between holding her and between loving her, I never once stopped to tell her that I did. That I was in love with her, Addison Forbes Montgomery, and I had been in love with her since…well, forever. I loved Addison throughout her and Derek's marriage, though I never said anything. And I loved her way before that, as well. But I screwed up with her long before she got married, and after that everything was different. We went out first, Addison and I, before Derek even noticed her. But I messed her around. I cheated. And I have never regretted anything more.

"_You see that chick?" I leant over and whispered to Derek, my lab partner and best friend. I was pointing to a red head at the front of the class, leant over her liver, dissecting it without blinking an eyelid. _

"_Yeah." Derek muttered back, __**that look **__in his eyes. "She's hot. Who is she?"_

"_Her name's Addison Montgomery. And she, my friend, is going to get a little bit of the future Doctor Sloane tonight."_

_Derek rolled his eyes. "Have you asked her out, even?"_

_I shrugged. "All in good time, mate, all in good time."_

_Derek chuckled lightly and Dr Foster, who was running the class, turned to us with an acid stare. We bent our heads back down to our work. _

_Is it too late to remind you _

_How we were?_

_Not our last days of silent _

_Screaming blur_

_Later that day, in the canteen, I slid into a seat, on a table of giggling girls. Right next to Addison Montgomery. _

"_Hey. Addison, isn't it?"_

_She turned to me and smiled. "Yeah. Mark, right?"_

_**She knew my name! **__Across the canteen I flashed Derek a triumphant glance. The girls were all giggling and nudging each other, and I saw Addison look from me to them, as if she didn't know what to do. I just waited. _

"_Can we take a walk?" she asked, and picked up my sandwich. I nodded, and Derek was the focus of another of my looks. We both climbed out of our seats and stepped out of the canteen doors to walk outside across the plaza._

"_So, what was it you wanted?" she asked, and she looked at me with a smile. Her smile - excuse the corny expression – melted me. I grinned back._

"_I was wondering if you were doing anything tomorrow night. Derek – that's my friend – and a couple of the other guys are having a party at his place. I wondered if you wanted to come."_

_For a moment Addison looked as if she was going to say no. Slowly and discreetly I crossed my fingers. Then she laughed._

"_You just crossed your fingers!" she said, laughter lightly up her bright blue eyes. I sprung my fingers apart._

"_No I didn't!"_

_She put a hand on my shoulder. "You so did, Mark!" she laughed, "And…yeah. I'll come to the party. What time d'you wanna pick me up?"_

"_Uh – eight?" _

"_Eight sounds great."_

"_Bye, then, Addison." I said, heart pounding. _

_Again, she laughed. I didn't like this situation. There was a lot of laughing at Mark going on. _

"_Aren't you going to ask where I live?"_

"_Shit." I swore. "Where do you live?"_

"_Room 17C. I'll see you there, tomorrow, at eight, yeah?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Bye, Mark."_

"_See you, Addison."_

_And she walked away. And then I allowed myself a sigh of relief._

_Most of what I remember _

_Makes me sure_

_I should have stopped you from walking _

_Out the door_

We were so great together in med school. She was nineteen and I was twenty and we were young and intelligent and the whole world was going to back away and let us past. Everything seemed great. Until I screwed up, and she ran, crying, into Derek's arms. And then she never left them. Even when we slept together, back in New York, and Derek found us. She still belonged to him, because she went after to him to Seattle, and she would never have started the divorce. I knew that. She would never have done that. Even now, she was running away from her bad memories here, instead of embracing the future we could have had.

But she had no control over me. So I dialled her number, and I waited.

"Hi, this is Addison's phone, I'm unavailable at the moment but if you leave a message I will ring you back. Thank you. The tone's coming now." _Beep. _

I took a deep breath. "Hey Addy. It's me. I know you told me not to phone you, but I just had to say one last thing to you. I love you, Addy. And I have loved you since the day I asked you out at Harvard, and I crossed my fingers, and you saw. And I know I've screwed up a bunch of times after that, but please, I love you. And I want to make up for all the times I've screwed up. I don't care how much time you need by yourself. You can have a week, a month, a year, ten years. As long as you promise me that you will come back to me after that. As long as you tell me that I can have hope that we can have something again. Because I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery, and I will love you forever. Bye."

_You could be happy_

_I hope you are_

_You made me happier than I've been by far_

I shocked myself, to be honest. Because that wasn't like me, to be real and honest about my feelings. But Addy and I had been playing these games now for months, where both of us pretended that what we felt didn't matter, and what we were doing meant nothing. But I knew it did. To me at least. So I had to let her know that I was only playing along in the game, and I didn't really mean the 'it's nothing's and 'couldn't care less's.

I lifted my shirt up off the floor, and pulled it on. Then I straightened the bed as good as I could and gathered together all my things, my discarded shoes and socks, my wallet and then I grabbed the keys. I was ready to lock up and leave when something caught my eye. Laid on the top of the dresser where she had kept her jewellery, was the snake pendant. The rubies gleamed back at me and I remembered what the man in Thailand had told me when I bought it – _It keeps the one that you love closest to your heart. Whilst they have this you will always be with them. _I had laughed. I hadn't bought it for the charm, but because when I imagined the rubies shining out from beside Addison's pale neck, contrasting with the red of her hair, my heart had sped up a bit. I checked the drawers one last time.

_Somehow everything I own_

_Smells of you_

_And for the tiniest moment_

_It's all not true_

In the final drawer, the bottom drawer, I found something I recognised. A blue shirt, that I recognised as mine straight away. How long had that been in here? I couldn't think when I had last worn it, and doubt crept into my mind as I began to think maybe it was someone else's. But then I remembered. The night she had called me from Seattle, the night her marriage ended. The night I walked out of the shower to find Derek in the room. I shook my head. I wouldn't think of that, not now.

So I took the shirt in one hand and fumbled with the lock of the door, shutting it behind me and closing the door on the memories that still lingered inside. I caught a whiff of something from the shirt, and I realised it was Dolce and Gabbana, Addison's perfume. I sighed. If I knew her perfume I was definitely in too deep to be safe. I took the keys in my hand and handed them in at the reception of the hotel, before heading out and getting in my car which I had left there overnight.

_Do the things that you always_

_Wanted to_

_Without me there to hold you back_

_Don't think just do_

Driving to Seattle Grace I thought about it. Where would she go? What would she do? She would probably get wherever it was she was going, get very drunk tonight and wake up tomorrow on her first day of work completely hung-over but still looking absolutely fabulous. She said she wanted to live, and I guessed she meant that she wanted to do things she'd never done before and to make the most of life. Would she meet someone nice there and get into a relationship? Would she pick someone up in a bar? I didn't honestly know, because I knew the old Addison. The Addison Montgomery-used-to-be-Shepherd, as she said herself.

I stopped in the SGH car park, and got out, locking the car. I walked into the lobby, and immediately saw Derek and Meredith, joined at the mouths as usual, stood by the waiting area. I sighed. Finally, when Derek had gone, I walked over to Meredith.

"Have you seen Callie? Or Miranda Bailey?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Why, Dr Sloane? Are you ok?"

I sighed, "I'm fine. Did you know Addison was leaving?"

She nodded understanding, as if she had suddenly realised something. "Yeah, I did. Don't know where she's gone, though. Wouldn't tell anyone, least of all any of us. Just said she wanted a new life."

I sighed, "Yeah. Do you know anyone who knows?"

She was concealing a smile. "You do care, then?"

"Of course I care!" I said heatedly.

"I didn't mean any offence. Just we had a bet going whether you and Dr Montgomery were just about… never mind." She trailed off, going red. "Anyway, I think Bailey knows. But I don't suppose she'll tell you. I thought Add- Dr Montgomery wanted to disappear."

"She did." I said grimly, "Thanks, Dr Grey."

"No problem." And she looked at me sadly and then was gone.

_More than anything I want to _

_See you girl_

_Take a glorious bite out_

_Of the whole world_

I walked up to Miranda Bailey.

"No, Sloane." She said, without even looking up from her files, "I don't know anything."

I put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Tell me, please." I said, hoping I didn't sound too desperate. Mark Sloane the man whore seemed to be slowly evaporating.

"I can't tell you." She said grimly, "She said you'd probably come asking and I wasn't to tell you anything. I'm not about to go back on that promise, Sloane, so unless you are going to threaten me with something I should go."

"Miranda, please!" I said, "I know I've been an ass, but…"

She chuckled dryly. "You certainly have. And finally she has a chance to get out, and I am not about to change that. Go, Sloane."

"Miranda…"

But she had walked away.

**Well, review to let me know what you think. Also, if anyone has any ideas for a really good, memorable title then that would be great.**


	3. Piece by Piece: Addison's POV

**UNTITLED**

**Maddison fic. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**We're back to Addison's POV now, I've decided that this story will just be Addy and Mark-centric. Here she starts her new life in a new town, but – obviously – starts to realise that she misses Seattle and a certain McSteamy. The song is Piece By Piece by Katie Melua. **

**I don't own Greys. Unfortunately.**

Chapter Three – Piece By Piece (Addison's POV)

I had definitely changed. I had gone to bed early and now I had woken up on time, to an alarm I had set the night before. I even scared myself slightly. This wasn't the Addison Forbes Montgomery I knew. At all. But here I was, first day in Miami, and I was up bright and early. I knew I didn't have anything to worry about, Richard had fixed me the job with his old friend. But I wanted to do this right. I wanted to make a good impression. So I showered and dried my hair, pinning it back, half up, half down, and straightening it. I wore a pencil skirt and a white blouse, and as I slipped my new clean lab-coat with DR A MONTGOMERY, OBSTETRICIAN GYNAECOLOGIST, CHICAGO CENTRAL HOSPITAL embroidered on it. It made me feel like a different person. I remembered my old SGH coat, with DR A MONTGOMERY SHEPHERD written on it, even months after my marriage ended. Here I wasn't Addison Montgomery-used-to-be-Shepherd, I was a totally new me.

A totally new me with a longing to go back.

_First of all must go_

_Your scent upon my pillow_

_And then I say goodbye _

_To your whispers in my dreams_

I'd dreamt about it again – our first date, Mark and I. He'd taken me out for pizza and then we'd gone back to mine and watched a movie. Back To The Future. I could still feel his arm reaching around my shoulders, even now. But I had to stop this. I had to forget everything that came before now. This was a new life, a new chance. A new hospital, that was the most important. The interns here didn't know me as the SheShepherd or McSatan or McWife or McHot. Not that McHot was such a bad thing. I didn't get sideways glances from the men, trying to work out why my husband had left me in the first place. I didn't get the whispers from the residents, about the new plastic surgeon, and how he was my 'dirty mistress' as Meredith Grey christened it. And I didn't have everyone, even my friends, knowing my past history. I could be anyone I wanted to be.

I checked my cell. One new voicemail. I knew who it would be from. But I wasn't quite heartless enough to delete it. I wasn't quite ready to make that choice yet. So I pressed play.

"Hey Addy. It's me. I know you told me not to phone you, but I just had to say one last thing to you. I love you, Addy. And I have loved you since the day I asked you out at Harvard, and I crossed my fingers, and you saw. And I know I've screwed up a bunch of times after that, but please, I love you. And I want to make up for all the times I've screwed up. I don't care how much time you need by yourself. You can have a week, a month, a year, ten years. As long as you promise me that you will come back to me after that. As long as you tell me that I can have hope that we can have something again. Because I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery, and I will love you forever. Bye."

I could think of nothing to do but press delete. So I did.

_And then our lips will part_

_In my mind and in my heart_

_Cos your kiss_

_Went deeper than my skin_

I tried to ignore the wetness in one of my eyes. I tried to ignore the pain in my stomach. I applied make up and I was out of the door of my new apartment as fast I could.

Chicago Central Hospital was bigger than Seattle Grace on first impression, but when you got inside it was about the same. I took the elevator up to the surgical floor, and immediately the feel of being in an elevator made me think of the time Mark came back when I was still with Derek, and he had asked me to come back to New York with him. I should have gone, but I was too stubborn and too proud and too insistent that my marriage could be saved. Even though I knew that every time my husband looked at me, he wished more than anything that I was Meredith Grey. But yet again stupid Addison had wasted all her chances. I didn't think about the voicemail message. I couldn't.

_Piece by piece_

_Is how I'll let go of you_

_Kiss by kiss_

_Will leave my mind_

_One at a time_

_One at a time_

I got out of the elevator and walked across to the waiting room, where I sat down. I had never been here before, but the instructions Tammy had given me on the phone were clear. I'd known Tammy Jacobs in medical school, and now she was a urologist here at CCH. She had helped me, and Richard, to get into the hospital, as the new ob/gyn neonatal surgeon. And here I was, right here, now, at my new life.

"Dr Montgomery?" a tall woman in a business suit asked. I nodded, and got up. She showed me through into the Chief of Surgery's office. The Chief's name was Dr Robert Harvey, and he had been at med school with Richard. I smiled, and sat down.

"So you're my transfer from Seattle Grace then, Dr Montgomery. Has Richard Webber been treating you well?"

"Yes, thank you."

"You didn't move because you hated it there, then?" he laughed.

"No. I needed to change my life. It's complicated, really, but it's done now. Life changed." I laughed nervously. Robert Harvey smiled.

"I don't really need to brief you on anything, Dr Montgomery, as a matter of fact, we're thrilled to have you here. You have one of the highest success rates in the country."

I could feel myself blushing. "Thank you. And please, call me Addison."

"Addison. Well, I hope you like it and settle in well at Seattle Grace. Just for a few days, I've set one of my residents, Kayleigh Stanford, to work with you, so that you get to know where everything is, how to work the records system and how we work here. Is that ok?"

"Sure." I smiled, feeling more at ease now.

"Dr Stanford is outside. If you don't mind, there's a patient who needs seeing to in twenty minutes."

I liked this. I was going straight, head first, into work.

"OK then." I said, "Lets go."

_First of all must fly_

_My dreams of you and I_

_There's no point_

_In holding on to those_

Dr Kayleigh Stanford was small and blonde and thin, and reminded me slightly of Meredith Grey, which annoyed me. I didn't want reminders of anything. But she was cheerful and bubbly, a first year resident, and I soon found out that she was one of the best doctors in the hospital. And she wanted to do neonatal. I found that despite my best efforts to be aloof and snooty, I liked her immediately and we got on really well. I couldn't have managed without her guidance, especially that first day at CCH. I'd gotten so used to Seattle Grace that I always wanted to take a case to Burke, to ask him, or shout for Olivia to get a consult from neuro, which I knew would be Derek. Or grab Karev or O'Malley and get them to run tests on my patients. Or pass Mark in the corridor, smile and look away…

They certainly made me feel welcome at CCH. That first day, I did two C-sections, checked up on two patients that had now become mine and ran tests on three blood samples sent from family doctors. They had thrown me straight into work at the deep end, and that was exactly where I wanted to be. Because there is nothing like work for getting over things. Tammy offered to come back to my apartment with me and we would unpack and sort all the dusty boxes from Seattle and the even dustier boxes from New York out. We walked across the bridge and for a while we stopped and leant on it, staring out across the river, chatting and talking like we had lived like this forever.

_And then our ties will break_

_For your and my own sake_

_Just remember_

_This is what you chose_

And then my phone rang. I tried to ignore it, but it kept going, ringing from my pocket.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" Tammy asked, looking at me strangely.

"It'll just be Mark." I said, "I asked him not to call me."

And sure enough, when I drew out the phone, there was Mark's name and his photo across the screen. I looked hard at the picture and felt the tears stinging my eyes again. He was smiling across the boat at me one morning when we had taken the ferryboat to SGH. He was laughing as I took the picture, and then he had whipped out his cell and taken one of me. I didn't like that picture, my hair was wild and curly, and I had stolen his phone and deleted it later that day. Which had only made him laugh.

I don't know how it happened, but somehow I lost grip on the phone. And it went tumbling out of my grasp, into the river.

"Shit." Tammy swore, but I said nothing. If I had believed in fate, then that was what it was. If I had believed in it. It was separating Mark and me for good. And that was great, right? So why was I crying?

_Piece by piece_

_Is how I'll let go of you_

_Kiss by kiss_

_Will leave my mind _

_One at a time_

_One at a time_

"Oh, Addy." Tammy said, "It's ok. We could go into town right now and get you another one."

"I'm not crying because of the stupid frickin' phone!" I sobbed, "All my numbers are on there. All the Seattle people. All my friends."

She put her arm around me, and I hung onto her like a child as we walked on.

"We could go out there on Sunday. We've both got days off. And you and I could go visit all your friends."

"No!" I snapped. "I made an exit. I walked away. I can't go running back."

"Then – do you know anyone's number? Not even Derek's?"

That was a thought. The number of the trailer. I knew that. But I couldn't. I couldn't ring Derek. Meredith Grey might even pick up the phone. I couldn't face that.

"You know what, Tammy?" I said when we reached the apartment, "I don't think it matters. This is a new life, right?"

She smiled at me. "Right."

We unpacked everything from the cardboard boxes and sorted out my new apartment – my new home. Somehow it seemed less home than the trailer, and far less home from the New York house. I missed living in a big house with three pointless bedrooms, bedrooms where I could dream one day little children would sleep. I missed the big kitchen and the dining room, and the lounge with the cream leather sofas. I missed somewhere that felt lived in, that felt comforting. I missed the old me.

_I'll shed _

_Like skin_

_Our memories of lazy days_

_And fade away the shadow_

_Of your face_

When Tammy had gone that evening I settled into the sofa and turned on the TV. There had to be something on that would take my mind off everything, for at least an hour. I found some old Friends reruns and decided there was nothing better than this – pure slobbing out on my new suede sofa. I reached across for the phonebook Tammy had put on the coffee table, found and dialled a number.

Within half an hour I was laid on the sofa, a pizza box open on my flat stomach, tucking in to spicy chicken pizza. And the tub of Chunky Monkey ice cream on the table was calling out to me, yearning to be eaten. This was good. The taste of fatty foods in my mouth and the lingering smell of pizza in the room made me feel like a med school student again. For eleven years of my life I had been married and I had cut down on carbs, eaten salads and fruit and even caviar. And now I was going back to who I used to be. Before Derek, and before Mark. Especially before Mark. I was the Addison who didn't care what she looked like, that didn't watch her weight or care if Meredith Grey was skinnier than her. I wasn't that Addison anymore.

_Oooooooooooooh_

_Piece by piece _

_Is how I'll let go of you_

_Kiss by kiss_

_Will leave my mind _

_One at a time_

_One at a time_

I'd been in Chicago a week when my home phone rang for the first time. I jumped at first and was prepared not to answer it, but then I realised that it couldn't be someone from Seattle because none of them had my number. So I picked it up.

"Hey, Addy, it's Tammy."

"Hey."

"I'm going out tomorrow night with a few girls from work – Kayleigh Stanford's one of them. Would you like to join us? We'll just be drinking and eating in the bar down the road."

I considered. I would like another night of pizza and chunky monkey, but I ought to socialise. And Tammy had been really great to me, setting me up here. "Sure. What time and where?"

"At The Arms down the road, at eight. We do it about once a month. They'll be a bunch of guys there for us to get off with if you want, but if you're not ready yet, don't worry – Frankie's married anyway."

The thought of picking up some guy at a bar made me feel slightly physically sick. I guess I wasn't the same girl I used to be. But if I never moved on from Derek and Mark then I had no chance of being this new Addison. So I said through my teeth: "That sounds like a laugh. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah. I'll tell the girls you're coming. Thanks, Addison. Bye."

"Bye."

I rang off. And then I smiled. I think I had just made the first tiny step into letting go.

_One at a time_

_One at a time_

_Aaaaaaaaaaaah_

**The whole chapter was a bit of a filler, really, but I think that Addy and Mark need to be apart for a bit to build on their characters and to make them seem more believable. Also, everyone loves a whole load of angst. Please R&R!!!**


	4. Somebody To Love: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to sparklepop777 for the title name. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York to visit family and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Back to Mark again, the song is the classic Somebody To Love by Queen. And it's in We Will Rock You, which rules. Anyhoo, Mark and Derek talk civilly – SHOCK HORROR – and it ends with a bit of Maddison!**

**I don't own Grey's – again.**

Chapter Four – Somebody To Love (Mark's POV)

Something was ringing. Something apart from my ears. I couldn't quite work out what it was. My phone? My alarm clock? And then it hit me. It was the buzzer on the outside of my hotel room door. "Coming!" I yelled, pulling on a shirt and boxers, trying to blank out my throbbing head, "Who is it?"

And for a moment I could imagine that the past two miserable weeks hadn't happened and that it was Addison at the door, waiting to walk in and kiss me. And then I would take her in my arms and…

It wasn't Addison at the door. But it was close. It was Derek.

_Each morning I get up_

_I die a little_

_Can barely stand on my feet_

"Hey." I said, feeling my palms sweating. Was he here to punch me again? Because that would be all my head needed, I think, to completely explode. I didn't understand how Meredith Grey drank all that tequila and still managed to drag herself to work in the morning. I was so glad I didn't have a surgery until this afternoon.

"Mark." Derek said, and I could tell that he was fighting the urge to hit me. But he didn't.

"Derek." I replied warily, not quite sure how the hell he even knew where I was staying.

"Can I come in?"

**Well, this is awkward, **I thought before sitting on the sofa. Derek took one of the chairs from the table and sat down. For a moment we eyed each other, wary.

"Where did she go?" Derek asked quietly. **Oh God. **He wanted to talk about **that.**

"I don't know." I said, and I was telling the truth. "She went too early – I woke up and she was gone." Derek winced, and I realised you had to try and be more tactful and not mention the fact that you were sleeping with a man's ex wife. Were being the operative word. "I've phoned every hospital in New York, and none of them have heard anything from her. I phoned all the gynaecological institutes I could find on the net, and all the neonatal surgeons I know. Not one of them had heard anything from her at all."

Derek looked at me hard, as if trying to gauge whether I was lying or not. He obviously decided I wasn't, because he spoke: "She won't be in New York. She wouldn't go back there now. She'll go somewhere completely different. For God's sake, she might even be out of the country by now."

I was shocked. Was Derek trying to help me? I said nothing.

"You really care about her, don't you?"

Well, I wasn't expecting that one. Anything else, maybe, even a punch on the nose, but not understanding. I looked into my once best friend's face and decided it was time we went back to being friends.

"I would never have done – what I did – if I hadn't have been completely 100 totally in love with her, Derek. I…" I trailed off when I saw the look in his eyes.

"You always were, weren't you?" he said, and I knew he was thinking back to med school.

"Yeah." I agreed.

"All the other women-"

"To take my mind off things."

"Coming to Seattle-"

"I had to beg New York to let me leave."

Derek sighed, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

_Take a look in the mirror_

_And cry_

_Lord what you doing to me?_

"You look awful, Mark." He said, and I laughed dryly.

"Thanks. Way to boost my self esteem."

And he laughed back. It was insane. We were just like we used to be. "If there is one thing you do not need it is a self esteem boost, Mark Sloane. But seriously – how much did you drink last night?"

"I thought I'd take a leaf out of your girlfriend's book and drink straight tequila."

Derek shuddered. "Never a good idea." He laughed, "I don't know how she does it."

I laughed back. For a man who had lost his wife to me, he was doing a lot of laughing.

"I'm a mess, Derek." I whispered, "It's insane because I lived for eleven years watching her be another man's wife… I just can't seem to think straight unless she's here…"

Derek clapped a hand on my shoulder. "You can't function without her, you feel like life isn't worth living. I know how you feel."

"Meredith?"

Derek looked me right in the eye. "Yeah. Never Addison. Strange, isn't it? I thought I knew what love was. But you really never do until you lose someone. When I…when I found you and Addison, I didn't hate you and feel sad about Addison, the way I did when I saw Meredith at the vet's. No. I hated Addy with every single little bit of me, so hard it hurt. More than I hated you. And that's when I knew that it wasn't real love."

I said nothing. Derek suddenly seemed to pull himself together. "I've tried to phone her, but her phone is never on." He said bluntly.

"I was phoning her, and it was ringing, and then it cut out." I said, "I don't know what happened but I don't think we'll ever get through on that number."

He shook his head. "I'll ask Bailey-"

"I tried. She won't say anything. I tried Torres as well, but I can get nothing from either of them."

"What about Richard Webber?"

"Do you think the Chief would tell me?"

"Not really." Derek said, "I guess we should just phone every hospital in the country until we find her."

"That could take forever."

Suddenly Derek looked very cold.

"Do you want to get her back, Mark? Because she's not going to come by herself."

I nodded.

_I spend all of my years_

_And believe in you_

_But I just can't get no release_

_Lord_

Derek stood up. "I'll see you at work, Dr Sloane."

"And you, Dr Shepherd." I said, playing along with the formalities he had put back into place. I walked towards the door as he did. As he walked out he looked at me, hard.

"I still hate you." He said, but he was smiling. I grinned. If only Addy could see us finally speaking civilly without using violence on the other. She would be proud.

When Derek was gone, I sunk back into the pillows of my bed, trying to shake off the bad feeling Derek made me feel. It was guilt, and Mark the man whore did not **do **guilt. And I picked up the hospital directory, my cell phone and I started to dial.

Illinois Central knew nothing, Mercy West didn't have a clue, Washington East had never even spoken to her. LA Central had no idea, Vegas North didn't know she wasn't at Seattle, and some place in Massachusetts hadn't even heard of her. It seemed by one o'clock that I would never find her. Ever. I felt physically sick. My head was still spinning, but now with images of Addison lying dead in a car somewhere, no one even knowing her name. And then I had to go to work.

_Somebody_

_Somebody_

_Can anybody find me_

_Somebody to love?_

After the successful, surgery, I sat on the park bench outside the hospital, and leant my head back. I didn't have anymore surgeries today, but the hospital was a mildly less lonely place than home.

"Hey." A woman's voice said, and I looked up and saw Meredith Grey. She sat down beside me. "You're on my bench."

"Hi." I said darkly, not wanting to pursue conversation with my once fellow dirty mistress, turned now into someone 'bright and shiny'. Traitor.

"Found her yet?"

"Does the whole freaking hospital know I'm looking for her?"

"Pretty much." She smiled, and her eyes dazzled, "Do you miss me being a dirty mistress?"

I grinned at her, "Kinda. But we're solitary creatures. You ought to know that."

She laughed. "I do."

There was a silence.

"I sent Derek over to talk to you. He didn't hit you, did he?"

Realisation spread over me. Meredith had sent him. "No. He was fairly polite, actually. Except for the last part. Where he comforted me to know that he does still hate me."

She laughed. "He doesn't, you know. He just feels he has to, because you slept with his wife."

"But Addy never hated you."

"No, but she slept with you first. So technically she was the one at fault. She would have been a bit hypocritical if she hated me."

"We're talking about her like she's dead." I said bitterly, and Meredith looked me in the eye.

"She loved you, Mark." She said simply.

"yeah, right."

"She did. I could tell. Call it – dirty mistress intuition. She loved you."

"Right." I said, suddenly sick of this conversation. Meredith seemed to work that out, because she got up and left.

_I work hard_

_Every day of my life_

_I work til I ache in my bones_

And then my cell phone rang. "Hello?" I asked, hopeful, as ever, that it might be a certain red head.

"Hi, Dr Sloane, it's Robert Harvey. We have a part face graft case – and our plastic surgeon's never done one before. We thought maybe if you could get flights – we can put you up for a couple of nights – but we'd like to operate at noon tomorrow."

I took a deep breath. "Right. I'm on it. Where are you?"

"Oh, sorry, Mark. Chicago Central Hospital. I can get a driver to meet you at the airport."

"Thanks. I'll be in there tomorrow at eleven to brief. OK?"

"OK. Thanks."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Why the hell was I doing this now? Didn't I have enough to worry about without a highly complicated face graft operation to do – jet lagged and tired from flying to Chicago? I called the airport. I was gonna need to fly out within the next few hours.

_At the end of the day I take home_

_My hard earned pay_

_All on my own_

Chicago Central hospital was shiny and clean, like Seattle Grace. It was slightly bigger, I think, but the surgical floor was roughly the same. The scrubs were green, so I stood out like a sore thumb in navy blue. And the neonatal and paeds wore salmon pink. That automatically made me think of Addison. She would have liked it here.

I reported to Robert Harvey and he briefed me on the patient – a light aircraft crash victim – the skin of his face had caught fire in the explosion. I winced, imagining his pain. I was to run the surgery with the plastic surgeon, a heavily pregnant woman called Dr Donna Martin, and give her the experience she needed. I was straight in the OR. Surgery like this gave you such a high.

_I get down on my knees and I start to pray_

_Til tears run down from my eyes _

_Lord_

The moment the anaesthetist stepped forward and I stepped back I allowed myself that sigh of relief that had been dormant inside me for the entire surgery. I walked out of the OR, chatting and laughing with Dr Martin, who was such a laugh. And that was when I saw it. A flash of violently red hair, clashing with salmon pink scrubs, darting through a doorway ahead of me. **Stop, Mark. You're hallucinating. **But the woman had even carried herself like Addison. I turned to ask Donna Martin about it, but the woman had gone. Shaking my head slightly, I headed for the door and peered through it. It lead to a long corridor. I walked down it but turned back again when I saw the sign: IBCU. I headed out of the hospital and to the hotel that they had booked me into.

_Somebody_

_Somebody_

_Can anybody find me_

_Somebody to love?_

I was sat at The Arms bar, drinking a double Scotch and thinking, when the blonde sat down next to me. She was in her early twenties, I would have said, and she was pretty. She ordered a gin and tonic, and sidled up to me.

"Hi." She said softly, as if tasting the words on her tongue. The old Mark would have had her in bed within the hour, but I wasn't the old Mark. I said nothing.

"I'm Brandi." She said, trying to be seductive. "You are?"

"Dr Sloane." I said, trying to sound as cold as I could.

She smiled, and took a sip of her gin and tonic. Then she reached out a hand and put it on the side of my face.

"Oh my God." I heard a painfully familiar voice, and I shook Brandi's hand away and turned around. She was stood there, in the doorway of the bar, her eyes wide with shock. I could hardly take in what I was seeing. She looked - beautiful.

And then she turned and ran.

_Oooooh_

_Every day_

_I try and I try and I try_

_But everybody wants to put me down_

_They say I'm going crazy_

_They say I've got a lot of water on my brain_

The four women she was with walked over, but I could think of nothing. I put down my Scotch, jumped off my chair and ran out of the bar. Out in the open air, I couldn't tell where she had gone. Then I heard footsteps running to my left, and I ran down the alley blindly.  
"Addy!" I shouted, "Wait!"

There was no reply. I ran til I couldn't hear her anymore, and then I stopped. I was silent for a second, and then I heard it. Crying, softly. I reached out in the pitch dark and my hand came into contact with silky hair. Hair I knew was devil-red. She was sobbing gently. I reached out to put my arms around her, my eyes adjusting to the light now, seeing her silhouette. But she pushed me away.

_  
I got no common sense_

_Got nobody left to believe_

_Got no fear _

_I've got no rhythm_

_I just keep losing my beat_

"Get lost, Mark!" Was all she would shout at me. I gripped her shoulders tightly.

"What's wrong, Addy?" I said, and she shoved me away again.

"It certainly didn't take you long to get over me!" she snapped, and I realised what she had seen – what she thought she had seen.

"It wasn't like that, Addison. It wasn't like that at all. She was just some girl in a bar that started hitting on me – and I was about to tell her where to get off."

She snorted. "And why should I believe that?"

"You should trust me. I'm the one who's spent the last two weeks looking for you. I'm the one who's left you over 20 voicemail on your phone which you never replied to. I'm the one who's falling apart not knowing where the hell you are!" I shouted, and she stepped back, sobs racking her shoulders.

"What's wrong, Addy?" I said, knowing there was something more.

"You're not supposed to be here." She said, "You're not supposed to be in my life anymore. I can't change and be the new Addison with you here."

I stepped forwards, and she didn't shy away.

_I'm ok_

_I'm alright_

_Ain't gonna face no defeat_

_I just gotta get out of this prison cell_

_Oneday I'm gonna be free_

"Maybe you don't need to change, Addison." I said gently, and I wrapped both my arms slowly around her.

"You and me can't work, Mark."

"Why?" I said, almost pleading now.

"Because it was just about sex."

"Addison – for me it was never just about sex. I promise."

"But we can't do a relationship, can we?"

"Why not?" I said, and wiped one of her tears away with my thumb. "I've loved you forever."

I waited for her to reply. She said nothing.

"I have a job here now." She said.

"Doesn't matter. We can do the long distance thing until I can get a transfer if you like."

"Why did you come here?"

"I had a surgery."

"Why did you follow me?"

"Because I love you."

"Do you really think we could work, Mark?"

"Sure." I whispered, and then I couldn't hold back any longer. I bent my head and kissed her softly.

_Lord_

_Somebody_

_Somebody_

_Can anybody find me_

_Somebody to love?_

We pushed open the door to my hotel room, staggering slightly, Addison's mouth still on mine.

"I thought you didn't want it to be about the sex?" I murmured, but she pulled me towards my bed. "Shut up." She said, and started to lift her shirt up over her head.

This wasn't right. I wanted to argue, but I couldn't. Addison was stood in front of me, shirtless and her hands were running through my hair. And then her mouth was back on mine and all hope of arguing against this hurried, lusty, passionate **thing **that was happening was gone. I slid my arms over hers and was lost to the world.

**Don't worry – nothing is resolved yet. I will let them be happy for a few chapters but then I will put a spanner in the works again. Because fluff is good but Maddison angst is good too.**


	5. Silent Sea: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here's chapter five. Will be some fluff, bits of angst and a whole lot of Maddison!!! Song is Silent Sea, by KT Tunstall. Which I thought summed up Addison a lot.**

Chapter Five – Silent Sea (Addison's POV) 

I stirred slightly, but rolled over, intending to go back to sleep. And then I saw him. Mark Sloane, in my bed. Again.

How did I always manage to get myself in this situation? It was crazy. I would have one moment of weakness, one too many vodkas and I would wake up with Mark. Every single time. And it was beginning to get a little too personal. He was sound asleep, and the sight of him laid there, breathing heavily with his eyes closed made me feel kind of peaceful. Completely instinctively, I leant over and kissed him on the forehead. Immediately I regretted it, as he opened his eyes. The smile he gave me would have melted my heart had I not suddenly realised something.

"Shit!" I slid straight out of bed, for some unknown reason embarrassed that I was wearing nothing. I was lucky I had worn jeans and a jumper out last night, or I would have had nothing decent to wear to work. I pulled the jeans and jumper on, and tidied my hair in the mirror. By this time, Mark had raised himself from his sleep and struck an unwanted conversation.

"Addy?" He asked, and when I said nothing he continued, "You ok?"

"Sure." I said, and even I was surprised at the acid in my voice. Parts of me I didn't even know could hurt were hurting me inside. Mark made me feel raw, alone and unprotected by the wall I usually drew up around my feelings.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Work." I said, "Some of us aren't idle like you."

He looked mock insulted. "Take it back." He said, but I had already moved into the bathroom, squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started brushing my teeth.

"Make yourself at home." Mark said sarcastically, getting up and pulling on clothes himself. I made a strange grunting sound in his direction, trying to seem nonchalant and casual. Because I was afraid. Afraid, though I would never show it. Because when I was with Mark I couldn't trust myself not to let my feelings get the better of me.

_I was happy _

_In my harbour_

_When you cut me loose_

I grabbed my bag and headed for the door, my heart still pounding. I was about to open it and leave the room unscathed, when he caught my wrist and in one fluid movement pushed me up against the bathroom door and kissed me hard. His mouth and mine seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, and every outward curve of my body fitted into the caves of his, and the other way round. He smelt of expensive cologne and that other smell – that 'Mark' smell that I just associated with him and no one else. It made me almost dizzy. When he pulled away I was smiling in spite of myself.

"When will you be back?" he breathed, his voice husky and his eyes darkening with desire. I would have quite happily had sex with him there and then if I hadn't have known that I had two surgeries before lunch.

"Later." I said, not sure what else to divulge. I had planned on going back to my apartment until I was ready to work out what this meant. "Much later."

And then I looked into his eyes, and remembered what he had said last night. **I love you. **It made a part of me melt inside and the other part of me want to run as far away as possible. But I had left him because he was man whore Mark, and maybe I ought to give him a chance to be someone else. Maybe we could both change.

"Pack up everything here. You can stay at mine tonight."

The look on his face reminded me of a kid who got two presents for Christmas when they were only expecting one. He kissed the tip of my nose and I smiled wider.

"See you later." I said, and let him catch my hand in his until our fingers slid through one another's and I was out of the door. I walked all the way to the elevator before turning round and looking back and grinning over my shoulder.

_Floating_

_On an ocean_

_And confused_

I felt like a teenager, crazy for someone who was totally inappropriate. But I was beginning to think that maybe Mark wasn't so totally inappropriate anymore. He certainly seemed like he cared right now – and he had left me all those messages. Maybe…

"Watch where you're going." A familiar voice said as I banged into her. Tammy looked at me strangely as we got into the elevator at CCH.

"What happened to you? You went home really early last night. And why are you smiling like that? Addison Montgomery doesn't smile first thing on a Sunday when she has surgeries to do."

"Nothing."

"You're lying, Ads. There is definitely something."

"There's nothing. You're overreacting." And then my new cell phone beeped – a text. I flipped it open and read it.

HEY BABE WOT DO U XPECT ME 2 DO ALL DAY SAT IN A FRICKIN HOTEL WEN ALL I CAN THINK BOUT IS U?

LUV U. XMARKX

I smiled involuntarily. When I flipped the phone back, tucked it away and looked up, Tammy had her eyebrows raised halfway to Alaska.

"What?" I snapped.

"Who is he?" she asked, a smile on her annoying face.

_Winds are whipping_

_Waves up_

_Like skyscrapers_

"What makes you think it's anyone important?"

"Because I haven't seen you smile like that since the day you told me you were getting married to Derek. In fact, it's even bigger than then. Like when you got asked out by Mar…" she trailed off, dawning realisation in her eyes.

"Mark Sloane. Was in here yesterday. For surgery." She took a deep breath as if willing me to give her some other sensible excuse. When I said nothing, she groaned, "Oh, Addy, you didn't!"

"I did. Twice." I smiled at her demurely as the elevator door opened and walked out. She stared after me, and I could feel her eyes piercing my back long after I'd turned the corner. Tammy knew me too well.

The morning went well. Two C sections and a hysterectomy. And at lunch Tammy tried to quiz me over Mark and what had gone on, but I told her hardly anything. I couldn't seem to want to boast about it. I finished my lunch quickly and headed off. Whilst in the ladies room before my afternoon shift I sat in one of the cubicles with my cell phone, contemplating whether to text Mark or not. Then I heard two interns come in and start talking.

"So I heard that Mark Sloane did a part face graft yesterday."

I stiffened.

"Really? He's hot. Sandy told me that Dr Montgomery's sleeping with him. She said that Dr Montgomery was married to Derek Shepherd, but-"

"**The **Derek Shepherd?"

"Yeah. She said that they were married but Dr Montgomery screwed Dr Sloane – who was apparently Dr Shepherd's best friend. And then they got divorced and apparently Dr Montgomery was still screwing Dr Sloane, but then she came here."

"And now he came here. How does Sandy know, anyway?"

"She's got a cousin who's a paramedic who knows a nurse who knows one of the interns at Seattle Grace. Somebody Karev, I think."

I silently made up my mind to murder Alex Karev if I ever set eyes on him again.

_And the harder_

_They hit me_

_The less I seem to bruise_

"So why do you think Dr Sloane turned up? To win back Dr Montgomery?"

"Maybe. Gosh, that would be so romantic."

"Maybe Dr Montgomery will leave. Maybe she will ride into the sunset with Dr Sloane."

"I don't think so. Apparently she left him because he was man whore."

"Well, he probably is. But if Dr Montgomery doesn't want him – I wouldn't mind having a piece of that!"

I was positively fuming. They made me sound like some kind of dirty whore – some variation on Meredith Grey. (Not that I thought Meredith Grey was a whore. For the record, I actually liked her).

I heard someone else come through the door.

"Have you heard?" she said, "Dr Martin's gone into labour at Illinois Central! She won't be back for like, a year."

"Sweet. I hope she has a boy. Do you think that means they'll get a plastics temp?"

**A plastics temp. **I didn't need the girl's squeal to know.

"I hope we get Dr Sloane!"

The girl who hadn't been part of the previous conversation, who I decided was Vicki Brown, the nicest and youngest intern, spoke. "Why would someone as good as Mark Sloane want to work at CCH? Anyway, I thought Seattle Grace had him now."

"Not for much longer, maybe. His sex buddy moved out here."

"What?"

"Didn't you hear? Dr Montgomery is screwing Dr Sloane."

There was a silence. I felt physically sick. I wasn't anyone's sex buddy, especially Mark's.

_And when I_

_Find the controls_

_I'll go where I like_

_I know where I want to be_

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." One of them said, "Come on. We've got rounds."

I waited til I heard the door close before daring to dial Mark's number. He picked up after two rings.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You ok, Addy?"

"Sure. I just… Mark, what are we exactly?"

I heard his sigh. I knew where I wanted this to go, but I wasn't sure if it would. I wanted him to know that I wanted him to be honest with me, not try to lie. Mark was an honest person.

"Addy, I think we are two confused people right now, who love each other's company and happen to have good sex."

For a moment I was silent. Then I swallowed what I could only refer to as disappointment.

"Just good?"

"Ok, brilliant. But that's not the point. The point is that no matter what we are, I love you, Addy."

I said nothing.

"What time will I see you tonight?" he asked, his voice almost sad.

"Around five. See you. I've gotta go cut out someone's baby."

"Good luck. See you."

"Bye."

I hung up first.

_But maybe for now_

_I'll stay right here_

_On a silent sea_

_On a silent sea_

At 4:30 I was, for once, eager to get out of the hospital. I wanted to get to the hotel, get Mark and go back to mine. Maybe in the comfort of my home we could work out what exactly was going on. I walked out into the car park, Gucci heels click clacking on the tarmac, my Louis Vuitton bag swinging from my shoulder. And then I stopped and drew in a breath. Mark was leant on the side of my bright blue Mercedes, sunglasses on and smiling over at me, his suitcases already piled up in the boot.

"You bought a new car, Addy." He said as I walked over. I grinned. That had been my first moment of retail therapy, the day after I broke my phone. Suddenly I thought **what the hell? **and bought myself the flashy, expensive car that Mark was now stood up against.

"Yeah, I did." I said, "How the hell did you find my car?"

"I guessed. Addy, you have a hot girl's car."

I laughed. "Oh yeah?" and I stepped up so my face was inches from his, "What are you saying?"

I felt my lips wandering towards his, and he lifted a hand and pushed his sunglasses up from his eyes. "Not that you're not hot or anything-" he murmured, drifting even closer.

His eyes closed. I felt mean. I put a finger up to his lips and his eyes snapped open, disappointment and pleading in them.

"The nurses would talk." I whispered, "And anyway, our friend Dr Karev has already made it sure that the population of Meredith Greys at this hospital know my entire life history and who I have been screwing at various points in my life."

He just chuckled. "The population of Meredith Greys?"

"The interns. They all remind me of her. Young, naïve, skinny, beautiful…"

"You're beautiful." He whispered. His lips were dangerously near again.

"And you're biased." I said. "Come on, I'll show you my new apartment."

_Well I was happy _

_In my harbour_

_When you cut me loose_

I managed to tear my eyes away from him and he managed to keep his hands off me long enough to get to my apartment. He wouldn't hear of me carrying any of the suitcases up the stairs, and made three trips struggling by himself. I took the time to tidy around a bit, putting things away, hiding the many half eaten tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I made the bed and hid my tampons in the bathroom cabinet. It was so long since I'd changed my house for a man. And it was only Mark, anyway. He didn't care if he saw my tampons. He'd been around me since I was nineteen, for crying out loud. So I just tidied around as much as I could and then helped him get the third suitcase through the door.

When we were done hauling them into my bedroom, we both flopped backwards onto my bed, side by side, exhausted. Slowly I rolled over so I was facing Mark and propped myself up on my elbow.

"When are you going back to Seattle?"

He lifted his head, the muscles in his neck straining, and kissed me breathlessly. Then he flopped back down. "That's what I needed to talk to you about. They offered me the plastics job for a year, until Donna Martin gets off her maternity leave."

"She's taking full term?" I asked, disbelieving. I couldn't understand people who took a year out when they had kids. I understood the Miranda Baileys of the world, the ones who were back practically before they passed the placenta.

"Yeah. And they offered me the job."

"And?"

_Floating_

_On an ocean_

_And confused_

"Well, I said I had to talk to you about it first."

I was stunned. "Why?"

He reached out a hand and stroked my hair, tucking it gently behind my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"Because I intruded on your life, coming here. I intruded on your trying to be a new person. And if you want me to go, then I will."

I said nothing. The fact that he thought of it like that touched me. In truth, I would have liked to have said I wanted him to go, to have been that strong to be able to turn him away, but I couldn't. I just couldn't deal with myself. I couldn't cope with lonely Addison. She was arrogant and a bitch, even to her friends, without meaning to. So I leant down and kissed him lightly, feeling the warmth of his skin touching mine. "I want you to stay. I don't want any commitment right now, or anything final, but I don't want you to go anywhere."

For a moment he looked hard at me, as if trying to gauge what I was thinking. Then he smiled and I felt his arms coming round my shoulders.

"Then I'll take it." He murmured, pulling me down on top of him. "But you'll have to put up with me for a year."

For a second, I hesitated. A year was a long time. A year was how long it had taken for Derek's and my marriage to fall apart. A year was how long I had spent lonely then.

But he didn't notice my hesitation. He kissed me hard and fast, his arms tightening around me, our legs a tangle. And I forgot, for a short time, what I was thinking.

_And when I_

_Find the controls_

_I'll go where I like_

_I know where I want to be_

When I caught my breath, I turned to look at Mark. He had the biggest grin I had ever seen on his face. Slowly, and in perfect unison, we rolled over to face the other. We were so close I could feel his hot breath on my cheek.

"Wow." He said softly, and I laughed.

"The reputable Mark Sloane: amazed." I said, "That's a first."

He kissed me softly. "That's right." He murmured, "You amaze me."

I giggled, sounding quite unlike myself. Then I let him kiss me over and over again. I slowly drew away and sat up, looking at my clock.

"It's six o'clock." I said softly.

"So?" he pulled me down again, kissing me.

"Come on, let's get something to eat."

"Or we could just stay here." He said, knotting his hands in my hair.

"Mark…" I moaned.

"Please, Addy…" he whispered in my ear, and then rolled over on top of me.

Again, I was oblivious to the world.

_But maybe for now_

_I'll stay right here_

_On a silent sea_

_On a silent sea_

That night I lay awake for longer then usual. I hadn't been able to sleep well alone, these past weeks, but now I was beside Mark it seemed even harder. With my little finger I traced the curve of his perfect jaw, and the swell of his smooth lips. I ran my hand over each curl of his hair, and outlined his eyes. Somehow it made me feel peaceful and some deep inside me stirred; something I hadn't felt in a very long time. He muttered something in his sleep and one of his arms came tightly around me. Suddenly I felt my eyes drifting shut, content to sleep.

_I'll stay right here_

_On a silent sea_

_On a silent sea_

**OK, total fluff, but Addison still isn't entirely convinced that this is right, and Mark – well, is it just about sex to him? Please R&R so I know what you think! Writing this story makes me depressed because of what happened to Maddison on the show, but reviews make me very very happy!!!! Thank you. **


	6. Coming Around Again: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Chapter six now, and I've written well over 13500 words – which is very exciting. Back to Mark's POV, and the next stage in Addy and Mark's warped relationship. The song is Coming Around Again by Simon Webbe. Hope you like!**

Chapter Six – Coming Around Again (Mark's POV)

_I been sitting in the darkness_

_But the sunlight's creeping in_

_Now the ice is slowly melting _

_In my soul and in my skin_

_All the good times my friend_

_Are coming around again _

I stirred slowly, and my eyes opened. It took me a moment to register where I was. And then I realised. I was laid in a king-size bed, head on three soft, downy pillows, and with my arms around the woman I loved more than anything in the world. And she was still sleeping, her face buried in my shoulder, her hair tickling the underneath of my chin. My Addison.

I kissed the top of her head gently and took the moment to reflect on how amazing this was, after thinking I would never find her again, that I was laid with her contented in my arms. I felt her eyelids flutter against the bare skin of my shoulder and slowly she raised her head. I was ready for her, and I kissed her softly.

"Mmmm…morning…" she whispered, smiling and closing her eyes. I couldn't resist reaching out and stroking her shiny red hair. Her eyes slowly opened and she looked at me, her grin still wide.

"When do you start work?"

_I been thinking reminiscing_

_Of better nights and better days_

_Hiding in the refuge _

_Of memories I've made_

That was when I remembered. I had been offered the post at Chicago Central for a year. After Addison had told me she wanted me to stay I had texted Robert Harvey last night to let him know. But the person I hadn't told was Richard Webber. I couldn't just not turn up for work on Monday… crap! It was Monday today! I slid out from her arms immediately and pulled my boxers on. She propped herself up and turned to face me.

"What?"

"Seattle Grace." I muttered, "They don't know I'm not coming in."

"Bugger." She said, and just sat there watching me as I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket of my discarded jeans and dialled a number.

"Derek Shepherd."

"It's Mark."

"Hello." His tone was tight, but not cold.

"I found her."

Nothing from the other end.

"I'm with her now."

"Oh. Seriously?"

"Yeah. She's – we're at Chicago Central."

"Right."

"I've taken a post there. For a year."

"Are you sleeping with my ex wife?" It sounded like a threat. I went to deny it, but then I considered. Derek broke Addison, he really crushed her. He had no right to have any control over the way I acted with her, or what happened between us.

"And?" I said daringly, then; "The point is, I'm not going to be back at Seattle Grace for a while. A year. Can you talk to Richard Webber. Get him to call me tonight after 6 o'clock. And tell him I'm sorry."

By this time I had walked out of the bedroom and into Addy's bathroom.

"Right." Derek said, "How is she?"

"She's good. But I have a feeling she needs someone to be with right now. And I want to be there for her. But – if I can persuade her – we've both got a day off on Sunday. If we can, we'll fly out. Say hi and all that."

"Sure. I'll tell Richard. See you, Mark."

"Bye, Derek."

He hung up.

_I got a feeling within_

_Within_

_Coming around again_

_It's coming around again_

I walked back into Addy's bedroom. She was dressed in her nightie again now, sat on the edge of the bed, smiling up at me. I grinned back at her, and then pulled on a pair of trousers straight out the top of my suitcase and a shirt, slightly crumpled, from the other. Addison tutted at me and tried to straighten out my shirt. Then she appeared to give up and sat back with a sigh.

"When will you be in?" I asked, "Work, I mean?"

"I start at ten today. Hysterectomy."

"Do you want me to drive you in?"

"No." she snapped, and then turned away. "Sorry… it's just the nurses and…"

I realised what she meant. "And the population of Meredith Greys." I said, "I know. Don't worry."

"Thanks, Mark."

I felt a bit uneasy. "But we can't keep this in the dark forever, Addy."

She couldn't look at me, which didn't make me feel any better. She kissed me gently, and then smiled, almost falsely.

"You'd better go. See you. Good luck."

"Love you, Addy." I whispered as I kissed her cheek one last, fleeting time and grabbed my jacket, heading out the apartment. As I heard the door slam behind me and walked out into the crisp morning air, I felt my heart beat a little faster. I was with Addison, and so far she hadn't run away, or dumped me, or been anything other than…well, amazing. Maybe she was right, and maybe this place was ripe for the new Addison and the new Mark to start totally afresh.

_We been so long waiting_

_For the all time high_

_We got a damn good reason_

_To put your troubles aside_

Robert Harvey greeted me with a smile when I walked into his office. He gestured to the chair and I sat down.

"Dr Sloane, may I begin with telling you how pleased we are to have you here at Chicago Central. I'm sure you'll be an asset to our hospital."

"Thanks." I said. It was nice to know I was appreciated.

"But I must ask you why you did not feel it was necessary to tell Richard Webber about your… transfer… until this morning?"

I winced. I'd forgotten Dr Harvey and Dr Webber were close friends. Then he smiled at me. "He says he'll miss you, and will want you back in a year, but he thinks you will do great things for Chicago Central. But not to tell you that because it will feed your abnormally large ego."

I chuckled. Then Robert Harvey's face turned serious.

"And he told me to tell you that if you hurt her he will personally make sure you never work in the same hospital as her again."

That shocked me. I knew that Richard was a great friend of Addy's, and that (**1500 words!!!!**) he had helped her with a lot as the divorce from Derek came through and all, but I hadn't foreseen this – almost father-like – protectiveness.

"Did he say anything else?" I asked, and Dr Harvey shook his head. He didn't say anything, but I think he knew exactly who Richard had meant. I smiled.

"Thank you for offering me this job, Chief. When do I start?"

He seemed relieved to move away from the threats his friend had sent me, and he drew a deep breath and started to brief me.

_And all the winter sorrow_

_Hang 'em out to dry_

_Going away_

_Got it going away_

_All the colourful days my friend_

_Are coming around again._

"Hi, I'm Dr Sloane and if you decide to go ahead with the surgery then I will be your plastic surgeon. What's your name?"

The girl sat in the chair opposite me was barely in high school, I was sure, and she looked nervous; her fingers were trembling. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Sarah." She said, "Sarah Parker."

"How old are you, Sarah?"

"I'm sixteen. Last week, actually. This is my birthday present from my Dad."

I sighed. I hated these cases more than anything. Teenage girls with low self esteem thinking that going up two or three bra sizes will transform their social lives. And what kind of Dad buys their daughter silicon implants for her birthday? Dads got their daughters cars for their sixteenth birthdays, and new cell phones and large cheques.

I'd known three Dads really well when I was younger, Derek's, mine, and Addison's. Derek's was wonderful, he used to take us to soccer matches and to McDonalds if we got good results, and when he died when Derek was ten I think I missed him almost as much as his own children did. I know he would never have bought any of Derek's sisters silicon implants. Then, mine. I never got on well with my Dad; sometimes he was at home, sometimes he wasn't. He fought with Mom and I blamed him when she was always crying. Mom told me that he had it tough when he was young, that he had never had a stable family life, but I never forgave him. I hated my house. It was just that, just a house. Where Derek lived, that was a home. And then Addison's dad. I remember the first time Addy took me back to her place, one summer break when her parents were away for the weekend. She was twenty one, but I still remember her quivering in fear and levering herself out of my lap when she heard the front door opening. She'd been physically shaking when her Dad walked in. He was a big man, and he dominated Addy. I remember standing there with her hand in mine as he called her a 'dirty little slut' and 'ungrateful little bitch', as if by dating me she was committing some terrible crime. I went to shout back at him, but she squeezed my hand so tightly I could hardly feel it afterwards. And then we left without saying a word. Addison never went home again. She bought out a tiny little grubby flat by our med school and spent most of her time at mine, and then at Derek's.

_I got someone waiting for me_

_It's been so long since we met_

_And I may not be your salvation_

_But I offer nonetheless_

_And if like me you wanna take that chance_

_It's coming around again_

_It's coming around again _

"Dr Sloane?" piped up the little voice of the girl in front of me. I looked at Sarah Parker, and wondered what kind of Dad she must have to let her have plastic surgery at the age of sixteen.

"Your Dad let you have surgery, right?" I said, trying to sound like I was holding a chatty conversation. I was usually good at getting the girls to talk to me. Addison called it my charm. I wanted her to relax, so I could try and find out why she wanted this so bad.

"Well, he doesn't live at home, he lives in Paris, and he said that I could have anything I wanted for my birthday if I stopped ringing him all the time to see when I could come and visit. So this is what I wanted."

Wow. A weird, twisted combination of bribery and blackmail, and voila! You have teenagers in surgery they don't need. I tried to smile. She seemed more relaxed already.

"What about your Mom? What does she think about all this?"

Sarah blushed, and in that instant I knew her Mom didn't know. "I faxed the forms to Dad, and he signed them. It's gonna be a surprise for Mom."

Well, if that wasn't the crappiest excuse I ever heard. I sat down opposite her and looked at her right in the eyes.

"Sarah, are you aware that breast implants are major surgery?" I said, "The same kind they give you if you have breast cancer or a serious accident and the tissue gets damaged. It's very risky."

She said nothing, but her bottom lip quivered a bit.

"Now, I can do nothing to stop you from having this surgery, but in my professional opinion, you should wait at least another couple of years until you decide you definitely want this surgery."

And suddenly, without warning, Sarah Parker burst into tears.

_We been so long waiting_

_For the all time high_

_We got a damn good reason_

_To put your troubles aside_

"Now Liam Hawthorne will never go out with me."

I stopped. "What?"

"My mate Lucy got drunk at a party and asked him what I would have to do to make him go out with me. He said if my tits were bigger, then he would take me to prom."

For a moment, I was stunned. Guys were asses. I suspected that there were probably no guys in the world that didn't have the tiniest bit of ass in them somewhere.

"Sarah, is this why you want this surgery?"

"Of course. He's captain of the junior varsity hockey team."

"You can't have serious and risky surgery like this just so some asshole will take you to the Prom, Sarah. Do you really believe that you could ever have a relationship with someone who only likes you for your body? You need to find someone who likes you for who you are inside."

"Bullshit." She swore, and I was more than a bit shocked at the venom in her voice. "Hot people date hot people. I bet your girlfriend looks like Catherine Zeta Jones or something."

I had to smile. "No, but she is gorgeous."

Sarah looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers, "There you go then."

_And all the winter sorrow_

_Hang 'em out to dry_

_Going away_

_Got it going away_

_All the colourful days my friend_

_Are coming around again._

"But I don't love her because she's hot, Sarah. I love her because she is smart and funny and inside secretly she's weak but she won't ever show it, and she won't ever let herself get to involved, and she never thinks she's good enough but she always is…"

I trailed off, noticing the look of awed amazement on the teenage girl's face.

"Wow." She said, "I'd give anything to have someone who feels like that about me."

"One day you will." I promised, "One day you will find someone who will just love you no matter what you do, who will love you without condition, who will still keep on turning up like a bad egg every time you try to get away. And then you won't need to change the way you look."

She said nothing, but I could see the doubt building in her eyes.

"With all that to look forward to, is it really worth having this surgery now?"

Slowly she shook her head, and I was pleased. I stood up.

"I'm gonna go now, Sarah, and if you still want this surgery in two years I'll be at Seattle Grace Hospital in Seattle. And I promise I will do it for you then."

"You really think I'll find someone like that?"

"I know you will." I replied, "And by the way, Sarah, you're pretty good looking as it is. You have good legs."

She blushed a furious shade of crimson. "Thank you, Dr Sloane."

I turned to walk away.

"What's her name?" she asked from behind me.

I spun back round. "Addy." I said. "Her name is Addy."

She smiled.

_I can feel a change of fortune_

_No more riding on my luck_

_Feel the weight is off my shoulders_

_As my feet become unstuck_

_And all the good times_

_All we dream to depend_

_Its coming around again._

I opened the door, and walked out, shutting it behind me. That was when I saw her. Addison, stood by the door, staring at me with a look I had never seen before in her eyes. I smiled at her, but I could feel my face going bright red. How much had she heard? Sometimes Addy was unpredictable. Would she appreciate my little - totally out of character - rant about why I loved her? I stood there for a second, smiling like an idiot. Then she stepped forward and kissed me right on the lips, much to the interest of the three or four interns gathered around the main desk nearby. I held her lips to mine for a few seconds, and then pulled back. She was grinning at me.

"I like you turning up like a bad egg." She whispered, her head still buried in my neck.

"The Merediths will talk." I chuckled. She pulled back a little, and looked into my eyes. I had to tilt my eyes down just a tiny bit, and she had to look up, to accommodate for the few centimetres height difference.

"I shouldn't worry about that. I'm fed up of everything being secret and wrong and shady, like in Seattle. We're starting again, remember?"

I bent my head down and kissed her. "I love you." I said, and then I walked away quickly, not looking back once.

_We been so long waiting_

_For the all time high_

_We got a damn good reason_

_To put your troubles aside_

I got in first that night, and I got changed and booked a table in the local Italian restaurant. When Addison came through the door I called out.

"You have half an hour to get ready. I am taking you out, Dr Montgomery."

I stepped out of the kitchen to see Addison hanging her coat over the banisters, tears streaming down her face.

"Addy? What's wrong?" I asked; my voice dropping to barely more than a whisper.

"Nothing." She said, "I'll be ready in half an hour." She went to push past me to go through to her room, but I caught her by the shoulders and pulled her to me. She struggled for a moment, and then she stopped and sobbed in my arms, her tears soaking through my shirt.

"Addy, what is it?"

"Only…a baby died. The woman cried so much, and I couldn't do anything. I had to tell her that her womb was too badly damaged for her to ever have any more children. And then on the way home I couldn't stop thinking about my baby, Mark, our baby, and how I had the chance that some people can never have, to have a child, and I threw it away. I murdered our baby, Mark, and I am so sorry…"

"Shhhh." I whispered, "It's ok."

I rocked her tightly, pressing my lips hard to the top of her head.

"Sometimes, when I sleep, I have this dream where I can't get the blood off my hands. And I can hear the baby screaming, but I can't find it. I can't find it, Mark."

_And all the winter sorrow_

_Hang 'em out to dry_

_Going away_

_Got it going away_

_All the colourful days my friend_

_Are coming around again._

I lifted her completely off the floor and carried her into the bathroom, where I turned the shower on.

"It's in the past not, Addy. We have to put it behind us. It wasn't a proper baby yet, and you didn't have any other choice."

"Don't say that, Mark, just to make me feel better. I did have another choice. I could have had the baby."

"Everyone makes mistakes. I've made more than most. You didn't murder that baby, Addy. Please."

"I still can't get it off." She said, "I can't get the blood to go away."

She was sobbing so hard I thought she would break, and her mascara had run in tracks down her face. Silently I stripped off her clothes, and then mine, and took her hand to lead her into the shower.

"Wash it off." I whispered.

Once the water had soaked over us and drenched us both, I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her to me as hard as I could without suffocating her. She couldn't know how much her abortion made me crack and break inside too. She couldn't know how hard she had hit me when she had told me I would be a terrible father. Because that didn't matter now. Only Addy mattered.

_Whoah the sunshine_

_Is coming around again_

_Whoah the good wine_

_Is coming around again_

_Whoah the old times_

When we had both dried off and changed, I drove us both in Addy's car to the restaurant. We ate together, making polite and often amusing conversation, neither of us daring to mention what had happened before. We talked and laughed and drank expensive wine, and then I drove us home. We went into her apartment and closed the door behind us, locking out the world. Then we went to bed, and Addy laid in my arms and I stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Then, satisfied that she was going to be ok, I let myself drift off.

_Is coming around again_

_The firelight_

_Is coming around again_

_Is coming around again_

_Is coming around again_

**OK, some angst – because I can't ignore all the past history that Maddison has. Anyway, soon I will have the next chapter and I think it might be time to stop this – although wonderful – blissful happiness, and give them something to fight and cry and shout about. It might get rough. But I promise you a happy ending. **

**xgreyslostwhox**


	7. You're All I Have: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Ok, chapter seven here we go. Song is another Snow Patrol (because I love them) and this time it's You're All I Have. Downhill from here, for a couple of chapters, I think.**

Chapter Seven – You're All I Have (Addison POV)

_Train this chaos_

_Turn it into light_

_I've gotta see you one last night_

I practically ran into the lobby of CCH that morning. Tammy raised her eyebrows when she saw me, out of breath and hair wild and wet, but she said nothing. She just clicked her fingers at one of Tim Gold's interns and walked off. That left Dr Gold, Kayleigh Stanford and three interns waiting to ask where I had been. Surprisingly, no one did. Dr Gold looked me up and down, and I scowled at him. I didn't like him very much at all. A third year resident, he was young and hot, and boy, did he know it. But not… not in a very… this is hard to explain… sexy way. In a **Hi-I'm-Dr-Gold-and-I'm-ridiculously-in-love-with-myself **way. And since he had tried to hit on me in my first few hours in Chicago, well, we hadn't really got off on the right foot.

"Now that Dr Montgomery has joined us we'll get to work, then." Kayleigh said brightly, trying to hide the glares I was throwing Dr Gold.

"What is it?" I asked. If I was completely honest, my head was still reeling from the good morning Mark had given me. I will say no more.

"Mother six months pregnant with sextuplets – three of them conjoined."

My heart sunk. I hated multiple births. I hated conjoined babies. Combine them, and you pretty much get Addison's worst nightmare scenario. Dr Gold turned to me.

"The mother is adamant that we do everything we can to keep the babies alive, and although I have been trying to tell her that it would be safer for her and for the other three healthy babies to surgically remove the three conjoined babies, she still insists that she will not let us take the lives of any of her babies. As our attending obstetrician and neonatal, I thought you could-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence. "You thought I could what, Gold? Because there is no way I am going in to any woman and telling her that she should kill three of her babies. If you want to advise her that, then fine, but I will not tell someone to do something they believe in their heart is morally wrong. Please do not harass the patient over it anymore. Schedule her for an afternoon exam, Dr Brown."

The meek intern nodded and walked away. Gold stared at me exasperatedly. I smiled and turned and walked away, Kayleigh following.

_Before the lions _

_Take their share_

_Leave us in pieces scattered everywhere_

The morning was relatively uneventful. I didn't like to admit that, but it was. I checked up on a couple of women that were scheduled for routine C sections in the next week or two, and looked over some CT scans of babies that had been sent in from New York, where I used to work, asking my advice on a baby with a brain tumour. I faxed the scans to Richard Webber, and told him to get Derek to have a look. Kayleigh and I sat eating lunch in the cafeteria when Mark put his tray down next to mine and slid into the seat beside me.

"Hello, ladies."

Oh my god. I couldn't even look at him, just the smell of him and the closeness of him made me tremble with longing. I shook myself – what am I, some sort of lovestruck teenager – and smiled at him.

"Anything interesting this morning?" I said, praying he wouldn't say anything **dirty **in front of Kayleigh. She was a new friend, but also I was her superior, and her teacher, and I needed to hold onto as much respect as I could, what with the rumours about my marriage going round as it was.

But he was Mark, and I should have had faith in him to make some comment. He grinned at me. "Depends what you count as interesting, Dr Montgomery." He said, and took a bite of his waffle.

_Just give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me something to hold on to_

The rest of lunch wasn't too bad. Mark chatted to Kayleigh about work, about soccer, (which apparently they both loved) and about, well, work. I smiled and nodded and laughed in all the right places, when really I was being eaten up inside about the exam on the woman with sextuplets that I had to do this afternoon. I knew somewhere deep down that Dr Gold was probably right, and aborting the three conjoined foetuses was probably the best way to go, but I didn't know whether I could sit there and tell a woman to have a multiple abortion. Not with my past history. And after last night, I was in a fairly fragile state on that matter as it was.

Kayleigh rose and I rose with her, to take our trays away. But as Kayleigh walked off, Mark caught my elbow.

"Addy, are you ok?"

"Sure." I said, "I'm fine."

"It's just… it's just…"

He had a sort of guilty look on his face. Immediately, warning bells went off in my head. What had he done?

"What, Mark?"

"You look pale, that's all." He said, and put a hand out on my cheek. I found some bizarre reflex in me making me smile when he did it.

"Love you." He said, and then let go of my arm. I took that as a sign to walk away.

When we had rounded the corner and got into the lift, Kayleigh turned to me.

"Can I ask you a question, Addison?"

"Sure."

"It's not very professional of me, really…"

"Spit it out, Kayleigh."

"I just heard some interns… I wondered… everyone else has been wondering about it too… I don't mean to be rude…" Here she cleared her throat and looked me, almost defiantly, in the eyes. "Is it true that Mark Sloane really has an eight pack?"

And I burst into fits of hysterical laughter.

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

"Good afternoon, Mrs Evans. My name is Dr Montgomery, and I am going to be your obstetrician gynaecologist neonatal surgeon."

I smiled at her blank face, "Which basically means I'm the boss of everything that happens to you at this hospital with your babies."

She smiled at me weakly. Vicki Brown was hovering behind me.

"Who's presenting?" I asked, knowing she was jumping for the chance to impress me, and any of the other attendings, but because she was so quiet she generally got sent to the pit.

"Rachel Evans, 32. Multiple pregnancy with three conjoined foetuses in the base of the uterus."

"Thank you, Dr Brown. Now, Mrs Evans, I hear a colleague of mine has already told you that the safest option would be to abort the conjoined foetuses?"

She nodded, tearfully.

"Well, I'm not going to force you to do anything, but I have to tell you, that is the safest option."

"Is there nothing you can do to save my babies?" she whispered, and then I knew what kind of patient she was. She wasn't one of the ones that you could babble on in medical terms to, and then they would let you do whatever they thought best. She was the kind of patient who needed to know every option and all the possible outcomes before she would make her own decision.

"I'm going to be straight with you, Mrs Evans. If we call the healthy foetuses Baby A, Baby B and Baby C, we can then call the conjoined foetuses Baby D, E and F, ok? Baby D is joined to Baby E by the ankle. That would be a simple enough surgery, and as far as we can tell there would be no serious repercussions. But Baby E is then joined at the head to Baby F. The surgery for that would be so high risk it probably wouldn't even get past anaesthetics. Both Baby E and Baby F would be unable to have full brain function without the conjoinment."

She swallowed. "So what can I do?"

"You can't save Babies E and F, Mrs Evans. They are sharing part of a brain. However, Baby D should be retrievable if it – he - has chance to grow in the uterus for slightly longer – meaning leaving all the conjoined babies in there. But, that heightens the risk of oxygen starvation and complications with the births of Babies A, B and C. In theory, it is more likely, if you leave Baby D in the uterus, that the healthy foetuses will develop aneurysms where their skulls are being cramped together."

Her eyes were wide. "So I either choose to kill three babies, one that could possibly be saved, and save three more, or I choose to save one baby, and put three other lives at severe risk."

I nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."

"Then I don't have any choice, do I?"

_You're cinematic, _

_Razor sharp_

_A welcome arrow through the heart_

Mark met me in the lobby at the end of the day. He smiled at me and took my arm. Then his lips brushed against my cheek. I sighed.

"Bad day?" he asked as I drove us home.

"Sorta. Had to prep a woman for a foetal abortion. Three conjoined babies."

"Oh, Addy." He patted my knee, "Sorry."

"It's ok. I think that it's ok, Mark. I stood there today and watched her, and she only chose the get rid of them as a last resort. To save her other three babies. And I thought: she's inspirational. And then I thought about what I did and realised that my reasons were purely selfish. I didn't want to ruin my marriage, and I didn't want something to tie me down."

He breathed heavily and drew his hand away from my leg like it was suddenly scalding hot. The silence consumed my unspoken words: **I didn't want a baby with you. **

I pulled up to my apartment in silence, and we got out of the car and walked in equally noiselessly. I stripped down to my pyjamas and climbed into bed. I was asleep before Mark even climbed in beside me.

_Under your skin _

_Feels like home_

_Electric shock on aching bones_

The next day Kayleigh was waiting for me again in the lobby, but thankfully, this time, without Gold and the Merediths. The day ran smoothly for the first few hours. Then Plastics paged me. Mark. I almost groaned, and then I checked myself. I was not in the mood for another one of the stupid teenage girls who went in for boob jobs and half way through their prepping decided to admit they were pregnant. But when I got to the exam room I'd been requested at, there was no one there. And then I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snapped, spinning round. The door to the exam room had closed, and Mark had twisted the lock. I glared at him and sprang away from his arms.

"I'm making up for last night. I was sulky. So now I'm gonna make it up to you."

"What the…" but I didn't have time to finish my sentence. Mark had grabbed my head, pulled it to him and kissed me violently. I felt weirdly powerless and empty, as if he was sucking the life out of me. But I didn't protest. This was heaven.

"Mark…" I murmured between frantic kisses, "This… is…totally… ina… inappropriate… oh God… Mark… We shouldn't… ohmigod…"

His fingers worked their way up under my scrubs, sliding the nylon fabric over my head. And then I couldn't resist any longer. My hands came to the drawstrings on his scrub pants.

_Give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me something to hold on to_

We laced up our scrubs, hardly looking at each other. I broke the silence.

"God, Mark, we're like a pair of teenagers."

"Probably." He agreed. "See you later, Addy."

He kissed my cheek before disappearing off down the corridor. I grinned to myself. I felt like a slut, I felt like a intern, but I didn't care. Kayleigh raised her eyebrows at me from across the lobby. I smiled even wider.

In bed that night, we continued our tryst. Then I fell asleep in Mark's arms.

When I stirred, he wasn't there. I silently crept out of bed and down the hall, when I saw the crack of light from under the kitchen door. I was about to open it when I heard the conversation Mark was having.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's just… things with Addison are a little rough right now – she's going through a tough spot. We're going through a tough spot. It wouldn't be right just to walk off and leave her… I know, sweetie. I'm sorry. Don't be like that, darling…" he sighed. I stood stock still, not daring to move, not even to breathe. "You know that I love you more than anything… all right. All right…. I'll come. At the weekend?... Not yet, it's not the right time…. I'll just say I have a conference or something… that's fine… love you baby. See you then. Bye!"

My heart felt like someone had pulled it out of my chest and stamped on it. Anger rose inside me. **No one cheats on Addison Montgomery. Not even Mark Sloane.**

I opened the door.

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

"Addy." Mark said, fear instantly moving to his eyes. For a moment I could hardly speak for anger.

"I heard it all. I know everything." I said darkly.

For a moment his face registered shock, and then confusion.

"Look, Addy, I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret…"

"Don't. Call me. Addy." I spat, "I hate you, Mark Sloane. More than I've ever hated anyone. More than I hated Derek."

He swallowed, but still looked genuinely shocked.

"I thought you would understand…" He whispered, unable to look at me. I walked towards him.

"Understand? All I understand is that you are a vile cheating scum, Mark, and I was right about you before. It was just about the sex. You made me think I was special! You made me feel loved! Hell, I even think I was falling for you. But not anymore. Oh no. Not anymore."

The venom in my voice shocked even me.

Then realisation spread across his features. "Oh… you think… no, Addy… it's not what it looks like…"

"I was wondering when that one would come out. What is it then, Mark, if not a sordid affair?"

He sighed, and then looked at his feet. "I can't tell you, Addy. Not yet." **(20 000 words!)**

Anger threatened to drive me mad.

_There is a darkness _

_Deep in you_

_A frightening magic I cling to_

"Well, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Even Derek was able to come up with he was in love with Meredith. But you just say you can't tell me."

"Addison, I promise you, there is no one else!"

"Whatever, Mark. Why won't you tell me who you were talking to?"

He stood up. For the first time, I wished he was Derek and I was taller than him. I suddenly felt very small. "Don't you trust me?"

"You know what? No. I don't. Man whore Mark and all that? Still applies."

"Well, we can never have anything… this relationship can never work without trust."

"THIS ISN'T A RELATIONSHIP!" I screamed at him, "THIS ISN'T ANYTHING! THIS IS JUST A FLING! THIS IS ABOUT THE SEX, AND THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR, MARK. I WAS LONELY, AND YOU WERE THERE. THAT'S ALL."

The hurt in his eyes made the grey turned almost blue. I blinked the angry tears back.

_But give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me a chance to hold on_

_Give me something to hold on to_

"I'll go then, shall I?" Mark asked, the pain in his eyes so deep I could hardly look in them.

I nodded. "I think so." I was suddenly calm; the anger subsided, making way for the pain.

"If you send me away now, Addy, I'm not coming back. Ever."

"I'm not sending you anywhere. You made this choice. You cheated."

"I didn't, Addy, and one day you'll believe that. I just can't tell you. And whatever you say about this relationship, it wasn't just about the sex. I said it to you so many times but you wouldn't say it back. I love you, Addison Montgomery, and I will never stop."

"You don't love me more than anything, though, do you?" I spat, and he bowed his head.

"I mean it, Addy. I won't come back."

I looked at him and cold seemed to grip my insides. "Hurry up and get out. I can't look at you anymore."

And I walked into the living room and slammed the door shut.

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear cos you are all that I have_

_So clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear now you are all that I have_

I didn't move until I heard the front door slam. Then I wandered back to my bedroom and looked around. He had taken everything of his. I looked down at the bed, where there were two human sized indents still, and I sunk to my knees and cried.

**Sorry, that ending was very angsty. Soooooo…**

**- Who was the girl Mark was talking to?**

**- Why can't he tell Addy about her?**

**- Will he be back?**

**- What will Addy do now?**

**Please review, I really really care what you think and getting reviews makes me happy on the inside (sad little person that I am).**


	8. Silence: Interlude

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here's chapter eight. It's quite short, and quite angsty. No song, and there's a very deep and philosophical reason for that. Try to guess why. (By the way, I make it blindingly obvious)**

Chapter Eight – Silence

The red haired woman walked through the corridors of the hospital like a ghost. She barely noticed the people that nodded to her and smiled. All she could think about was the Evans babies that she had just helped to deliver. Three healthy, if premature, babies, two girls and a boy. And then the mess that was the other three babies. Mr and Mrs Evans had insisted on naming them all. Beth, Joe and Harry were barely recognisable as three separate babies. It was Joe, or Baby E, that failed first. Which sent Beth, Baby F, into trauma too. The plastics temp had been able to separate Harry's ankle from Joe's, but the bleeding was too severe for such a tiny baby, and the plastics guy wasn't quick enough.

Mr and Mrs Evans wanted them buried all together.

But all Addison could think was that Mark could have done it. Mark could have saved Harry. He was ten times faster and more efficient than the temp. Even though Ella, Maddie and Jonathan were beautiful babies, she could still see the hollow loss in the parents' eyes as they held them. For these three, the other three had died.

Was it her fault? Was it her fault Harry had died? Because if she hadn't have shouted all those things at Mark would he still be here? Would he have been able to save the baby?

**Pull yourself together, Addison. **She thought. This was unprofessional. It had been three weeks, and she had heard nothing from him. She had to move on. She was all set to move on before he had turned up in Chicago, so she ought just to carry on like that. But she couldn't.

Kayleigh and Tammy and the others had been great. They had supervised her excessive drinking and said **bastard **and **manwhore **in all the appropriate places when she told them. But she couldn't help beginning to doubt her story. What if it hadn't been someone he was having an affair with? What if she should have trusted him? What if it was her that was in the wrong, not him? But she couldn't understand why he wouldn't tell her.

If she was honest with herself, she missed him. Everything she had shouted about it not being a relationship had been a lie. She missed him like she would miss a limb, or a vital organ. She couldn't go on without him.

She wanted him back.

_Three weeks ago, he had walked out without saying a word. She had made him so angry, and so sad, what she had said. And then he had walked out, telling her he would never come back. So now he had his pride to consider, too._

_He had called a cab and taken it to the nearest train station. Where he had got on a train and headed for Iowa. They wouldn't mind if he was a few days early. _

_The whole way there he had thought about what life would be like without her. He hated himself for not being able to tell her who he had been talking to. He hated himself that he had ever kept this huge secret from her. But again, his stupid pride liked to be considered. _

_I kept his eye on the time, judging when she would be going to work. He imagined her drinking coffee with Tammy Jacobs and Kayleigh Stanford, telling them that he had been unfaithful. Which he never had. He never would. Mark the man whore was gone. In his place some lovesick, half crazy man sat on a train away from the woman he loved. Because he was too much of a coward to let out his dark secrets. For fear she would leave him. _

_When he finally arrived, he got another cab to the house. He struggled with his suitcases up the garden path, and then he knocked on the door. A girl of about sixteen opened the door, and when she saw him her face lit up. She hugged him tightly._

"_Evie!" he murmured as he hugged her, breathing in the smell of her that he had almost forgotten. "Long time no see."_

"_Come in." she said, eyes still bright. And then she shouted up the stairs. "Mom! Auntie Karen! Dad's here!"_

**Oooooooooh. Scandal. **

**Review!!!!**


	9. Faraway Voice: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here we go, then. Chapter Nine. Song is Katie Melua Faraway Voice. I shall explain the confusingness of all this. And add angst.**

Chapter Nine – Faraway Voice (Mark's POV)

_Faraway voice_

_We can hear your voice_

I smiled as Becki handed me the tea. We went way back, Becki and me. There was a good reason I had never told anyone. It was kinda embarrassing, almost. I had been at my cousin Jo's eighteenth birthday party when I was twenty one, and I was one of the only people that she had ever told that she was a closet lesbian. And Becki was her girlfriend. Of course, no one told me this, until afterwards. Becki was incredibly drunk (and hot) and I was just incredibly drunk. It was the summer before I went to med school. I thought what the hell and I slept with her, the girl I hardly knew. Man whore even then, as Addy would say. Thinking of Addy made my eyes sting a little. I couldn't quite believe it, that it was finally the end. I didn't want it to be the end. Anyway, I wasn't so much of an ass that I didn't give Becki my number, and told her if she ever needed anything she should ring me. And I said I was sorry. Multiple times. Because I was a little weirded out myself, if I was totally honest.

It wasn't til I dropped in at Jo's during fall break that I found out. She had broken up with Becki because Becki was pregnant. I remember that feeling even now. My heart felt like it was falling through the floor. I got Becki's address from Jo with much coaxing and I was round there like a shot. She was sat in her kitchen, clasping a mug of tea, still in her pyjamas. I remember every detail like it was yesterday.

_What's it like to be heard_

_Far from you?_

"_Becki." I said and gave her a hug. There was a tiny bump where her child – our child – rested inside her. I sat down._

"_Why didn't you get rid of it if it does this to your life?"_

"_Hell, Sloane." She said, looking at me for the first time. "I couldn't kill a baby. And it's probably the only chance I'll ever get to have a kid."_

"_But you were doing so great, Becks. You were going to art school."_

"_Yeah, but I guess art school can wait."_

"_I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."_

_She laughed then. "I think I had a part in it too, Mark. It's ok, really. I'm… kinda excited. But… I guess you heard about me and Jo?"_

"_Yeah. I'm sorry. Look, Becki, I know that this isn't quite the usual teenage pregnancy situation, but I'm not going to leave you. This is my kid too."_

_She looked at me wistfully. "That's what everyone always says. But you'll leave, at some point. You will get bored of the lesbian and the baby and you will walk out and neither of us will ever see you again."_

_But something had changed within me that day; the day I knew I was going to be a father. "I won't. I promise. I'll even let you move in with me up at Harvard if you want."_

"_Thanks, but I've got my own place. But it would be great if you stuck around. Babies get screwed up without fathers."_

_**Tell me about it. **__"I'll stick around. I'll be there. I'll be there for you, and for our baby forever, ok? I got you into this mess, so I'm going to help you now."_

_I pressed my lips to the top of her head. "Don't worry, Becks."_

"_This isn't going to be like in the corny sitcoms where I turn straight for you, Sloane."_

"_No?" I laughed, mock surprised._

"_Don't laugh." She chuckled, "I know you still think I'm hot."_

"_Well…" I said, and then I knew it was going to be alright. _

_Are you over those hills?_

_Do you still hum the old melodies?_

Evie – Evelyn Norah Firth - was born on the 1st of June, two weeks late. I was at Harvard when she was born, but I took the next day off sick and drove out to Iowa to meet my girl. And from then on, she was my dirty secret. She was my reason to sneak away from school at weekends, and to sometimes turn up totally jet lagged to class on Monday morning. I visited her whenever I could, and I watched her grow up. I never told anyone. At first, when I was young, I was kinda embarrassed of the child with the lesbian. Then, when Evie got a bit older she didn't want everyone to know about her. She said that she didn't want all my friends to know about her 'two Moms'. Because by this point, Becki was totally back on the dating scene and all that jazz. After that, it sort of became habit not to tell anyone. Even Derek and Addison didn't know. No one knew, except for Jo, my cousin, and the Iowa crowd. It didn't matter.

When I went to Iowa I was someone else. I wasn't Mark the manwhore, who no one really expected. I wasn't Addison's illicit affair who she didn't love enough to stay with, but went running back to her cheating husband. I was just Mark-Evie's-dad, and she loved me more than anyone ever did, even my own parents. And that made me feel great.

_Do you wish people listened?_

_Over here with me_

"Dad?" she asked, "Why are you here so early?"

I sighed. Addy. "Long complicated story, sweetie. Best I probably don't tell it."

She rolled her eyes, "Dad, I'm not stupid. You turn up completely unannounced with your suitcase. Did she chuck you out?"

I was about to lie, but then I looked across the table and Becki and my daughter, and thought I may as well tell them the truth.

"Yeah. She heard my phone call and thought I was cheating."

"So why didn't you just tell her you were talking to me?"

I swallowed. Honesty, Mark, honesty. "She doesn't know about you."

Evie looked – hurt. I hadn't meant to hurt her. "Why?" she asked in a small voice.

"She's Addy, Evie. She knew me before you were even born – and I didn't tell her then. And after that it became easier just to lie."

"Sloane, you shouldn't have." Becki said, almost coldly.

But I didn't look at her. I was looking at my daughter. "Baby, I'm really sorry. So sorry that right now I feel like a total prick. Because I screwed up on multiple counts and I think I've lost the woman I love forever. But I can't lose you too. Please, Evie. I'm sorry."

I said I was a different person in Iowa.

"S'ok." She said quietly and for a moment she looked just like the little girl who had cried whilst I taped a Band Aid to her knee. And the thirteen year old who had sobbed down the phone to me the first time she got dumped. Then she looked up and smiled. And someone walked into the room.

_Faraway Voice_

_What I would give oh give_

_To hear that voice_

I swear, if I hadn't have been in love with Addison, totally depressed and well aware of who she was, I would have hit on her. She was tall with long dark hair and legs that practically went up to her shoulders. She grinned at me.

"Hey, I'm Karen." She said and kissed Becki gently. Evie winced and looked away, grinning wildly at me. I wasn't in the mood, not today. Then Karen sat down, next to Becki.

Suddenly the atmosphere became awkward. Evie saved me.

"Dad, can I show you my new computer?" she said, smiling almost too falsely. I nodded and we got up and left the room. As we walked out the room, I heard Karen's voice.

"Jesus, Becks, what were you thinking? He's so hot. Even I would turn straight for him!"

Evie snorted back a giggle and ran up the stairs, two at a time. I followed.

"Mom's gonna be mad at you." She said, "Making her girlfriend go all goggle eyes like that."

I hung my head, mock ashamed. Evie had that weird ability to make me smile even when my life was like shit. Then we walked into her room. It had changed since the last time I had been there, and so had she.

_What's it like to breathe_

_Why is this singing voice?_

Her walls were painted four different shades of pink, and her bedspread and curtains were lime green. I looked around. There was a huge painting on the wall of a flower, and I figured that Becki had taken up her old hobby of painting.

"Do you like it?" Evie said shyly, "I painted it."

**Wow. My daughter was a genius. **

"It's…amazing, Evie. You take after your mother."

"My art teacher reckons I could get in to art college after high school."

"Awesome." I said, "How's Jack? I can't have you turning lesbian like those two old biddies downstairs."

She laughed. As a father, I think I was supposed to hate my daughter's boyfriend. But I couldn't. Jack Doherty was tall and handsome and gentle and quiet and kind, and everything that balance Evie completely. They'd been together for over a year.

Her face fell. "Not good. He…I…I…I s…slept with someone else."

She looked mortified. I smiled. I loved that we had this relationship. We could talk so much. "Who?" I said, "Why?"

"Mickey." Mickey Towson was her best friend, had been since she was four and he was six and they moved in the street. "I… I wasn't drunk or anything. He came back from college and we were talking and… it just happened."

I knew what she meant. It had just happened with me and Addy, too.

_And I will walk with you_

_On a summer's day_

"I guess this is the point where I should give you the lecture about being careful and about not screwing up your future and all that, but Evie?"

"Yes, Dad?"

"You're very young. You don't know half the stuff you think you know, and I know I'm beginning to sound like a regular parent but just listen. You don't know what proper love is yet. And everyone makes mistakes. But you have to make sure you make those mistakes for the right reasons. How do you feel about Jack?"

"I feel bad. I feel like I should do something to make up for it, but he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. But I don't feel sad. I just feel angry."

"How do you feel about Mickey?"

"Every time I think about…us…I blush and my heart speeds up. I haven't spoken to him since, and I feel sad about that. But I don't want to ruin our friendship. He didn't know about Jack. He didn't mean to hurt me."

I sighed. This situation was worryingly familiar.

"Let Jack go, Evie. And talk to Mickey. He might surprise you. Sometimes our best friends turn out to be the ones we love to most."

She nodded, and then hugged me. "Thank you, Daddy."

"But, Evie, you are being careful, aren't you?"

She rolled her eyes at me. We both laughed.

_And I will talk to you_

_Though you're far away_

Over dinner, I quizzed Evie, Becki and Karen about their lives for the past few months, and then afterwards Evie and I sat out in her garden and drank cream soda and ate ice cream from the tub, like we had since she was four.

"Why don't you call her, Dad?"

I knew who she meant. "She thinks I cheated. She told me she never wanted to look at me again. She said our relationship was nothing but a fling and it didn't mean anything. I told her that I loved her and she threw it back in my face. I said if I left this time I wouldn't come back."

"Is this about your pride, Dad?"

"No." I said indignantly, "This is about what she said. She said she hated me more than she ever hated Derek. But she never loved me as much, I know that. I was just the rebound guy, the let's-have-angry-lash-out-at-Derek-sex guy! I was never really anything to her. I was just kidding myself."

For a moment, my daughter was silent. Then she looked up at me. And I looked at her. She's blonde, like her Mom, but she has my eyes. Grey blue. "Oh, Dad. She didn't mean it. When girls get angry they say stuff they don't mean. Like when guys get angry they throw their weight around. Girls say horrid stuff, cos that's the best way they know to hurt guys. She didn't mean it. And you should tell her about me. Call her."

And she walked away.

_And we'll see through the years_

_Are you over those hills?_

I took out my cell phone. I scrolled down to Addy's number. **Call her. **

But I couldn't. Maybe it was my pride, maybe it was fear that she had been telling the truth. That she didn't care. So I slid my phone back into my pocket and I sighed.

_Do you still hum the old melodies?_

_Do you wish people listened?_

_Over here with me_

_Over here with me_

_Over here with me_

**There you go, chapter nine. Mark-Evie's-Dad is based on one of my best friend's Dad, who is totally cool and like that. They have a really good relationship. **

**I like Mark in this chapter, he is being un manwhore like. But he is sad, and Addy is alone and still thinks he is a cheat. So all is nicht gut, as the Germans would say.**

**Anyway, thanks for all the reviews. You guys are amazing!!! And yes, there will definitely be a happy ending. Just not yet. Sorry and all that but I really like writing this story. And I am supposed to be revising for exams. Of which I am going to fail Spanish. **

**Ah well.**

**xgreyslostwhox **


	10. Undiscovered: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here's chapter ten (Yay double figures) and the song is Undiscovered by James Morrison. Back to Addy's POV and to angst and drama in Chicago. And boy, does she have a BIG problem… **

Chapter Ten – Undiscovered (Addison's POV)

I lifted myself out of bed, easing my head over the pillows and dragging myself to a sitting position. I couldn't even remember how many vodkas Id had to drink last night. I had a vague memory of Tammy and Frankie helping me into my apartment and – **shit! **I was still sleeping in my clothes. Slowly I swung my legs round and stood on two feet, shakily. Oh dear God, this was not good. My head was pounding and spinning and I barely reached the bathroom in time to throw up the entire week's meals into the toilet bowl. I was never going to drink again.

The devil on my shoulder laughed.

_I look at you_

_You bite your tongue_

_You don't know why or where I'm coming from_

When I arrived at work I noticed Kayleigh wasn't looking much better. She smiled at me weakly as we walked into the cafeteria. It was early, but this past week since… since Mark, Kayleigh and Tammy and I had been eating breakfast together in the hospital café. Tammy was furiously single, and Kayleigh had recently broken up with her boyfriend. We decided to call ourselves 'The Men Hating Club' and breakfast became our time of daily meeting. It was strangely reminiscent of Mark and Meredith and their little 'Dirty Mistresses' conversations, but they were two people I didn't like to think about too often. Meredith, because, well, of everything, and Mark because he wasn't who I thought he was.

Though as every day past I began to doubt my conviction that Mark was an ass. I began to doubt that he was really cheating. And I began to hate myself for not trusting him. But then I talked to my fellow men haters and found that there was no logical explanation for the phone call. At all.

_But in my head_

_I'm close to you_

_And in the rain still searching for the sun_

I slid into a seat beside Tammy. She'd already got Kayleigh and I coffee, and I put my hands around the paper cup, trying to warm them. I'd always had cold hands. Just a funny little thing about my anatomy. I tucked into my grapefruit half as Kayleigh and Tammy gorged out on cooked breakfast.

"Really, Addy, you're single now. Stop with the diet." Kayleigh said, shoving bacon into her mouth. I smiled back at them demurely.

"Ladies, just because I am a social reject who can't keep any man, doesn't mean I have to wind up looking like one."

That shut them up. I finished the grapefruit and took a sip of my coffee. Which I spat out.

"This is disgusting!" I moaned, "Yuck! Tammy, did you order me extra strong again."

Tammy shook her head innocently. "No, I ordered us all the same. The usual."

"This is screwed coffee. Taste it." I shoved it under Tammy's nose. She took a sip. And looked at me strangely.

"That's normal coffee, Ads." She said quietly.

"Must be the hangover." I grumbled, "Makes everything taste like crap."

Though the grapefruit tasted fine.

_You think that I wanna run and hide_

_I keep it all locked up inside_

_I just want you to find me _

I did another C section that morning and then I checked in on Mrs Evans, who was still in due to complications with the pregnancy, and her three preemies in the incubators down in the NCIU. Then I got myself a drink – no more of that disgusting coffee – and went and sat in the hospital garden, on one of the benches. Vicki Brown, one of Dr Gold's interns, came and sat down next to me.

"Dr Montgomery?" she said meekly, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I said, not even looking at the girl God, my head hurt.

"When did you know you wanted to go into neonatal?"

They were nearing the end of their internship. I guessed they would be looking for specialties, but they were all bright and high flying kids. I guessed they'd go for neuro, cardiothoracic and spinal, stuff like that. As everyone did, I'd forgotten about quiet Vicki. She was smart, but she was shy, and the type you only noticed if she was actually speaking to you.

"When I was half way through my first year of residency. I was helping the cardiothoracic guy out and he was doing a heart op on a pregnant woman. When she flat-lined, the baby had to come out. But the neonatal was up to her elbows in someone's uterus. So whilst the cardiothoracic guy had to race off to do some other cardio thing, he asked me to do the C section. It was chilling, if I'm honest, cutting a baby out of a dead person. And by that time the baby had already crashed and I had to resuscitate. But when I held that little baby in my arms after three weeks of NCIU incubators, I knew that I wanted to save babies. Guess that's kinda corny. But after that I knew what I wanted to do."

She smiled lightly. "This morning, my sister called me from Tennessee. She had a baby last year, but it died because she gave birth in the middle of Africa, and the baby had a heart condition. And now she tells me she's pregnant again. And that she wants to come to a hospital at home this time to have it, and could she come here? So I said of course and she's been booked in and she's gonna come stay with me from 7 months on. But I want to be able to save babies like her first one. Like my nephew. I want to do that."

I looked at her, for the first time really looking. Then I smiled.

"I'll be proud to take you on, Dr Brown." I said, "Neonatal could do with another resident."

"My…my dad says neonatal is a soft option. He's a neurosurgeon. So was Mom."

"There is nothing soft about saving life at the beginning of it. More babies die than adult patients, you know. My ex-husband thought neonatal was soft, too. And then I forced him to eat his words when one of his patients went into labour on his table and I had to give her a C section whilst he did a craniotomy. And when the baby died, that's when he knew that I wasn't soft."

She grinned.

_I'm not lost _

_I'm not lost_

_Just undiscovered_

I slid into my seat beside Dr Frankie Rogers, the orthopaedic attending, and smiled.

"Guess who has a new resident in their department!" I laughed. Frankie and Tammy looked at me incredulously.

"But everyone knows interns never want to do neonatal." Tammy whined, and I grinned at her.

"This one does. Vicki Brown."

"I know. I hoped she would do ortho. The rest are doing neuro, cardio and all that, aren't they?"

"Yep." I said, a wide smile still splitting my face, "I obviously just inspire the interns more than you lot do."

They groaned at me.

"Addy's got her smile back, I see." Kayleigh said, sliding into the seat next to Tammy. I grinned to show it to them.

But it almost hurt. Smiling, that is. Because I thought of Mark, and what had happened, and most of all the pain in his eyes as I shouted those things. Things I didn't mean. It wasn't about the sex, and the fact that he was there when I was lonely wasn't it at all. I'd only said one true thing that night. That I was falling for him. Because I was.

_And when we're alone_

_We're all the same as each other_

_You see the look that's on my face_

_You might think that I'm out of place_

That night I stayed in, watched Oprah and obsessed over everything, and nothing. I got the trusty Chunky Monkey out of the freezer and ordered a pizza. The ice cream was great, but I took one bite of the grease covered pizza and retched. And then I suddenly realised that the one thing I wanted most in the world was prawn toasts from the Chinese. So I ordered a Chinese too, and got through two bags of prawn toasts. Then, feeling sufficiently full, and slightly fatter than the night before, I dragged myself up to bed.

_I'm not lost _

_No no_

_Just undiscovered_

I decided, as I woke up, that I loved Sundays. No work. And then I remembered. I had still agreed to meet Kayleigh and Tammy for breakfast, only in Starbucks, and this time we were going for a spot of Man Hating Retail Therapy – in other words buying clothes that made us look hot, just to piss the men off. Though the men we were referring to would probably never see us again, that didn't matter. We were going to buy clothes and shoes and make up and hair dye and things like that, and celebrate the hatred of the opposite sex as we did so.

The thought of never seeing Mark again made my throat dry up. Even when I had left for Seattle, even when I had left to come here, there had been the tiny little thought in the back of my mind that one day I would see Mark Sloane again. But what happened if this time, it was really over. What happened if I really never laid eyes on Mark ever again?

It didn't bear thinking about.

_Well the time it takes _

_To know someone_

_It all can change_

_Before you know it's gone_

_Before it's gone_

At Starbucks, Tammy was sat by herself. Kayleigh was late, as usual. There was a coffee waiting for me on the table.

"No thanks." I said, "Not after that crap I drank yesterday. Me, I'm drinking hot chocolate from now on."

And I ordered one and had it brought to the table. Tammy started talking about something; I wasn't even listening, because from the first sip of cocoa, my stomach heaved. My head spun. I got up, without a word to Tammy and dashed from the table. I reached the toilet, but I wasn't in time to get into the cubicle. I threw up in the sink. Once. Twice. And then three times, until there was nothing more to throw up, and I was just dry retching. I felt like shit.

"Addy, are you pregnant?" Tammy asked from the doorway.

_So close your eyes_

_And feel the way I'm with you now_

_Believe there's nothing wrong_

_Nothing wrong_

I turned to look at my friend.

"I… I…" But I couldn't talk. How could I have been so stupid? Anyone could have read the signs. The coffee, the cravings for Chinese food, the sickness. But it was impossible.

"I'm on the Pill." I said weakly, but I was the one that spent my whole life telling teenage girls that the Pill was not a 100 method of contraception. I looked into Tammy's eyes. "How did this happen?" I said.

"You're the ob/gyn." She said, but she still looked slightly blank and shocked. Shakily, I stepped back from the bowl and turned the tap on to wash the sick away.

"What the fuck am I gonna do, Tam?"

_You think that I wanna run and hide_

_I keep it all locked up inside_

_But I just want you to find me_

Tammy rung Kayleigh, and told her to wait for us at Tammy's apartment. I went back to mine and Tammy went to the corner shop, coming back with a bag laden with goodies – chocolate, trashy magazines, a half price box set of some really old sitcom and a pregnancy test. Which I did, dutifully. We sat on the sofa in the lounge, leaving the test in the bathroom, for the ten minutes waiting time. I had to ask her.

"Did you ever do one of these?" I said, and Tammy nodded.

"Twice. First time, it was positive."

"What?" I spluttered.

"If I tell you, promise me you won't think any less of me."

"Promise."

"I was seventeen years old. I got knocked up by some guy at some party and I didn't even know his name. I got pregnant and I got scared. I had an abortion without even thinking. I beat myself up about it still, now. Can you try and understand?"

Oh, Tammy. How could that make me think any less of you?

_I'm not lost_

_I'm not lost_

_Just undiscovered_

"I had an abortion. Just over a year ago. After Derek left, I got pregnant with Mark. And I panicked and I had an abortion. So don't ask me to try and understand, Tam. I was worse than you. I was older, and more responsible. I was the ob/gyn. I…"

And she held me to her and rocked me whilst I cried. When I dried up my tears, I looked at her.

"The other time?"

"I was with Paul, my ex, for three years. And we wanted kids really badly. But this time, I wasn't pregnant. When I wanted to be, I wasn't. And then he left me."

"Oh, Tam. We're screwed up, aren't we?"

She didn't say anything, just walked into the bathroom and picked up the test.

"You're more screwed." She said, and put the test down in front of me. The clear blue line spelt it out.

_And when we're alone_

_We're all the same as each other_

Tammy drove me back to hers in a trance. Kayleigh was waiting, looking bewildered as to what the hell had happened to us. I said nothing, just sat on the sofa as Tammy told Kayleigh everything. I couldn't talk. After everything, after last time and after Mark leaving, I was back to square one. Lonely, pregnant Addison. Just like before.

But one thing was different. Of course I was going to keep it.

_You see the look that's on my face_

_You might think that I'm out of place_

_I'm not lost_

_No no_

_Just undiscovered_

We didn't go shopping. We sat it Tammy's flat, and Tammy and Kayleigh fussed over me. Kayleigh went down the shop and bought me cream soda – because that was the only thing I could face drinking – and salad leaves. I made myself a huge salad in Tammy's kitchen and then I ate it. Then, finally, Kayleigh and Tammy decided I was going insane and sat me down around Tammy's breakfast bar.

"Addy, you're freaking out."

"I said, I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Well you have to talk about it. It's a baby, and it's inside you. You can't ignore it."

I wasn't planning on ignoring it. Just not thinking about it.

"Addy, first things first. You're not going to have an abortion, are you?" Kayleigh asked. I didn't feel like telling her about my previous one.

"No." I said, "No."

"Do you want to keep the baby or are you gonna have it put up for adoption?"

"I'm gonna keep it. It's my baby."

It didn't matter that it was Mark's baby too. Just that it was my baby and I was going to love it forever.

_I'm not running_

_I'm not hiding_

_If you dig a little deeper you will find me_

"I guess – I guess Mark Sloane is the father?" Tammy said. I nodded miserably.

"And he's gone."

There was a silence for a moment. Kayleigh and Tammy looked at each other. Then they looked at me.

"You need to tell him, Ads." Tammy said quietly but I shook my head.

I would not swallow my pride and tell Mark Sloane that I was having his baby. I didn't need him. Me and this baby didn't need anyone.

"Addy…"

"Shut up!" I said, "I can do what I like as far as Mark Sloane is concerned, you hear me? You don't know him. You don't know what happened, and what's happened before. I'm not the same Addison to him that I am to you. It's too complicated."

Tears were streaming down my face. Hormones, I told myself, but I couldn't control anything. I ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

_I'm not lost_

_Not lost_

_Undiscovered_

I sat in my cold and lonely apartment, staring down at the test. Fucking test. Messed up my life.

I picked up my cell phone and scrolled down in the phone book to Mark's number. And by accident pressed the down key one too many times. And then I had an idea. I pressed call, and waited for four rings before the phone picked up. I'd got all the Seattle numbers off Mark before he'd left.

"Hello?" came such a friendly, familiar voice I wanted to cry.

Oh, wait, I was already crying.

_When we're alone _

_We're all the same as each other_

_No we're the same_

"Miranda, it's Addison."

There was silence at the other end for a moment, and then I heard someone's voice in the background.

"What is it?" I knew that voice. It was Izzie Stevens.

"Miranda, don't tell her it's me. Just excuse yourself. I need to talk to you. Now."

"OK, hang on." She said. Her voice still sounded slightly shocked. "Stevens, we'll continue this meeting later. I need to take this call."

I heard the intern say, "Sure." And then I heard a door slam.

"Where the hell have you been, Addison?"

"Chicago. I thought Mark told Derek."

"Oh, Shepherd said the Sloane was with you. He just didn't say where."

I said nothing. Sloane wasn't with me anymore.

"Mark left, Miranda."

"I'm not surprised, Addison. The guy's an ass. You know that."

And I told her everything.

_See the look that's on my face_

_You might think that I'm out of place_

_I'm not lost_

_No no_

_Undiscovered_

"Sounds like definite cheating to me." She said dryly, "Anyway, you're better off without him."

Tammy and Kayleigh said that a lot. But I couldn't see it myself.

"Miranda – that's not why I called."

"Why did you call then, Addison? And make it quick. I have to give the rest of my intern's interviews about their choice of residencies."

"I'm pregnant."

Then another silence.

"Miranda. Say something."

"Shit."

"Not that. Something, but not that."

"As of when?"

"I found out earlier today. I've been on the Pill, it should have been impossible, but for some stupid reason it happened."

"Sloane?"

"Yes." I winced. Then my friend used some colourful language to describe Mark.

_Not lost_

_Not lost_

_Undiscovered_

_Don't you know that's what we are?_

"Miranda, it's just as much my fault as his. Tammy says I should call him."

She said nothing. Then, "You should. He deserves to know. Bastard."

"I miss him."

"Get over him, Addison. There's no other way. He was never going to be your wedding ring and your white picket fence."

I scoffed. "No. Derek was."

"Ok, bad choice of words. But, seriously, Addison. Are you keeping the baby?"

"Of course."

"I'm glad. You'll make a great Mom."

"I doubt that. But thanks, anyway."

"Do you want me to come out? Do you want to come back to Seattle?"

"No. To both. Sorry, Miranda, but I have a great job, and I don't want to ruin it. Not now."

_We're alone_

_All the same as each other_

_We know we're the same_

"Do I have to tell him?"

"If you ever want him to be a part of your baby's life."

"What if I don't?"

"I thought you missed him."

"I do, but I can't see him staying. He likes to wander. We have… passion… and he says he loves me, but I don't know, Miranda. I don't know if he would be the father I want for my baby. I don't know if Mark and me could do families. I just don't know."

"Well, I'm damned if I do. Do what you think is best."

"It would ruin his life. I won't tell him. Until it is born."

She didn't say anything for a moment. "If that's what you think is best."

"I do." I said firmly. Mark Sloane made me someone who I didn't want to be. Mark Sloane made me someone who couldn't be a Mom. Mark Sloane made me someone who couldn't even think.

_See the look that's on my face_

_You might think I'm out of place_

_I'm not lost no_

_Just undiscovered._

"Are you sure you don't need me, Addison?"

"Sure. I'm fine."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. I'll call you."

"You'd better."

"Thank you, Miranda. I needed that chat."

"That's ok. Do I tell anyone else?"

I panicked. I did not want Seattle's Merediths and Meredith herself talking about poor Addison who got knocked up by McSteamy and then he left. "No. Not yet. It's too early. And I don't want Derek to know. He'll call Mark."

"All right. Bye, Addison."

"Bye, Miranda."

I hung up.

**Some of that was a bit filler but I had to use up my lyrics – lol. And it became a very long chapter. Well, so far:**

**- Addy ran away to Chicago, but Mark found her and they got back together**

**- Addy heard Mark talking to someone on the phone and thought he was cheating**

**- Mark has a sixteen year old daughter by a lesbian, Evie**

**- Addy is pregnant**

**And next chapter I promise you some Maddison.**

**Only if you review. Lol.**


	11. Spider's Web: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Ok, here's chapter eleven. I understand that the time has got a bit screwed up, so I'm going to sort that out. The last chapter was set four weeks after Mark left. The chapter before was the day after he left. This chapter is about six weeks after he left. So Addy is just under two months pregnant. Hope that made it clearer. The song is Spider's Web, another Katie Melua. Mark ponders phoning Addy and then disaster strikes…**

Chapter Eleven – Spider's Web (Mark's POV)

I woke up slowly, rubbing sleep from my eyes. My bed in Becki's house was comfortable enough, but I wasn't the sort of person who likes to wake up alone. I was never a fan of my own company. And for six weeks now I had been doing it, waking up and reaching out for Addison to kiss and hold, and then feeling my heart sink as I realised she wasn't there. And never would be.

There was a knock on my door which sent me sitting bolt upright in my bed. I clutched the duvet around me and called out.

"Come in!"

The door opened slowly and my daughter walked in. It was about ten o clock on a Sunday morning and still she managed to look alert and awake. I'd been out drinking last night and I felt like shit. She'd been out last night with Mickey. Like I'd told her to, she'd spoken to him and now they were going out. I liked Mickey Towson even more than I liked Jack Doherty. So everything was good. She smiled at me and sat down on the end of my bed.

"Dad. Mom sent me up here. She wants to know – to use her words – when the hell you are going to get a job and get the hell out of here." She laughed.

Oh. Well, that was fair enough. I'd been imposing on Becki's hospitality for six weeks, without a steady job or anywhere to live. However, I had offered three times to move into a hotel, but Becki and Karen wouldn't hear of it. And Evie kept saying how much she loved living with me.

_If a black man is racist_

_Is it ok?_

_If it's a white man's racism_

_That's made him that way_

"I can get out tonight if she wants me to." I said, "I don't mind. I like hotels. Although nothing beats Karen's cooking."

Evie grinned and then looked almost pityingly at me.

"Haven't you called her yet?"

"No. And I'm not going to. She sent me away, Evie. It wasn't my fault."

"No, but she doesn't know who the hell you were talking to. She at least deserves to know that, Dad."

"She decided not to trust me. She decided that she wouldn't give me a chance. So it's her fault. She'll see sense and call me when she's ready."

Evie looked at me, almost annoyed. "You give really great advice, Dad. But you suck at your own love life."

And then she walked out. I realised with a jolt that it was one of the first times Evie had looked disappointed in me. I was used to everyone else being constantly disappointed. My parents, Derek, Addison, Richard Webber. But not my daughter. My daughter was the only one who didn't see my faults.

_Because the bully's _

_The victim they say_

_By some sense_

_We're all the same_

I went back to bed. And I lay in the grey half light of the room, thinking about the one thing that had been on my mind more than anything else these last weeks. These last years, to be honest. Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, and then not Shepherd. The love of my life.

That sounded pathetic and mildly like a really bad movie that some of my past girlfriends have dragged me to see. Addy never would. She always turned up her nose at a chick flick. She was still a science fiction geek, if she was really honest. Which she never was. But it was true. Addy was the love of my life. I had never felt this way about anyone else before. Ever. And I don't think I will ever feel this way again. Because it's the kind of love that never goes away. Ever.

I could visualise her almost perfectly. Her hair, the way she constantly tucked one particular strand behind her ears and it always fell forward into her eyes again; the curve of her jaw, single eyebrow she would raise in amusement, or disbelief, or mild disgust. For crying out loud, I could still feel under my hands every curve of her body, every brush of her lips, every movement she made in sync with mine. But the one thing that my virtual Addison didn't have was the eyes. The eyes were the one thing that were only real if they were right in front of me. Her blue eyes, stretching her smile across her entire face. I missed them so so much.

_Cos the line between_

_Wrong and right_

_Is the width of a thread_

_From a spider's web_

I woke up to a knock on my door. Again. I checked my clock. It was three o clock in the afternoon. This was bad. Even I didn't generally sleep this late. It was never a good sign.

"What is it?" I called. Evie walked in, and the look on her face scared me. Her eyes were bright, and her face was pale as the whitewashed walls she had painted with Jack last summer in this room. She looked at me, and there was something close to guilt in her face.

"Daddy." She breathed, and walked across to the TV and turned it on. It was the news, which was strange because it was a bizarre time of day for the news. And the newsreader, a woman in her late forties, was stood in front of a backdrop of somewhere familiar. And then I recognised it. It was a picture of the shopping centre near CCH.

"The suicide bomb attack on the Sunset shopping mall happened at exactly twelve o clock midday today. So far the attack has not been linked to a particular terrorist group, and there are no official leads on the suspects for the attack. It is believed that all three of the bombers were killed during the bombing. So far there have been an estimated 200 fatalities, and around another 850 casualties. We will update with incoming news. I'm Sally Brown, it's 3:02."

I couldn't think. It was a Sunday, Addy's day off. And she always went to the Sunset on her day off. I couldn't think. I couldn't look away from the TV, now showing Animal Cops Miami. Evie put her hand over mine and passed me my cell phone. Then she kissed me lightly on the cheek and gestured wordlessly to the door. I nodded. I would rather be alone.

_The piano keys _

_Are black and white_

_But they sound like a million colours_

_In your mind…._

It rung eleven times and then switched to answer phone. Oh God.

"Addy, it's me, Mark. Please can you ring me back the moment you get this so I know that you are ok. Please God tell me you're alive. I love you so much, Ads, I couldn't bear it if you were gone. Please ring me. I've got something to explain to you, that I should have told you that night. I wasn't cheating, I would never do that to you, Addy, I promise. I love you. And I don't care if you don't love me back and I don't care if you don't want me back, I just need to know that you're ok. So please ring me. I love you. Tell me you're ok. Ring me. Bye."

_I could tell you to go to war_

_Or I could march for peace _

_and fighting no more_

Evie crept back in after I'd hung up. I sat there silently and stared down at my phone, willing it to ring. She put her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy." She said, and suddenly she seemed so very young. And I knew then that I would never let her go completely. She would always be my baby girl, and I would never stop protecting her just a little bit. I held her tightly to me. She might be the last thing I had left.

And then my phone rang. I picked it up without even looking at the screen.

"Addy?"

"No, it's Derek."

"Have you heard from her?"

"No. I thought you were with her until five minutes ago when Bailey told me that you left her."

"Long story, Derek. Don't make me tell you now. Has Bailey heard from her?"

"No. No one can get through. At least five of us have left her voicemail."

"Me too."

"Are you… are you all right, Mark?"

"Yes…" I started to say, and then I stopped. Why the hell did I feel the need to lie like that? "No. No, I'm not. The woman I love is in the same town and possibly the same building as a bomb, and I don't know whether she is dead or alive! No I'm not fucking all right!"

Derek said nothing.

"It was her day off. She always goes shopping on her day off."

"She might be fine, Mark. There's nothing we can do except wait."

"Thanks, Derek. If any of you hear anything, phone me. No matter what time."

"All right. Same. Bye, Mark."

"Bye."

_But how do I know _

_which is right_

_And I hope he does _

_when he sends you to fight_

We were sat around Becki's kitchen table, with the TV on mute until we saw the news come on. In the past two hours I'd tried to get a flight into Chicago, but they weren't letting anyone in unless they had pre-booked a business flight; and I had called Addy seventeen times. And then I had called Chicago Central, and asked after her. But they had told me they had no idea where anyone was, and they were too busy with injuries to try and find one of their attendings. I shouted some incredibly rude things down the phone to the poor orderly on the other end. Then I hung up.

I was drinking some of Karen's best latte, and eating a cookie that Becki had walked down to the corner shop and bought us. Evie had her hand on mine, and she had done for nearly half an hour now. I didn't mind. She was potentially the last thing I had in the entire world. Every twenty minutes we would watch the news, and then Karen or Becki or Evie would try and say something to comfort me. I would look at them as if they were stupid, and they would trail off into nothingness.

All I could think of was how I might never be able to put the eyes back into my virtual Addy.

_Cos the line between_

_Wrong and right_

_Is the width of a thread_

_From a spider's web_

Then my phone rang again. This time I checked the display. It was Chicago Central. My stomach did something strange. What if they knew where she was? What if she had been admitted with injuries? What if she was dying within those four walls? What if they had found her dead?

"Hello?"

"Dr Sloane? It's Dr Stanford. Kayleigh."

"Hi. Have you heard from Addy? Is she ok?"

"I don't know. I had to work last minute today. I haven't been able to contact Addison or Tammy. Dr Harvey asked me to ring you."

"Why? Does he know where she is?"

"No, Dr Sloane. He says he appreciates you won't be able to get a flight today but could you fly out as soon as you can tomorrow and help us out here? We have infinite numbers of burns and only one plastics attending – and he's only a temp. He says he'll give you a huge bonus as soon as this is over, but we really need you."

"Of course I will." I said quietly, wishing she knew where Addy was. Wishing she knew where Addy had been all day.

"Thank you, Dr Sloane. I'll…. I'll call you if I find out anything."

"Thanks, Kayleigh."

"Bye, Mark."

"Bye."

_The piano keys _

_Are black and white_

_But they sound like a million colours_

_In your mind…._

Karen made another latte. I ate my way through a pack of Oreos. Becki offered me a glass of Scotch, but I declined. I had to keep a clear head. Evie paced the room for a while, and then sat down again beside me and held my hand. An hour had passed again. Then I went upstairs and decided to pack a bag for going to CCH again. Becki managed to get me two tickets out there, and offered to come with me, to help. I told her I would be fine. She dropped the subject. Karen offered to drive me to the airport at 1 in the morning. I thanked her. Evie made cheese toasties for tea and we ate them in silence. Another hour had passed.

_Should we act on our pain?_

_Should we chase the moments away?_

_Should we live?_

_Should we give?_

_Remember forever the guns and the feathers in time_

I tried to catch an hour of sleep, because I would need it when I got to Chicago, but I couldn't physically do it. I decided I would sleep on the plane, and went back to sitting in silence, waiting. I bit my fingernails, something I hadn't done since high school. I took a five minute cold shower, giving Evie the instructions to get me if my phone rung. But it didn't. Nothing happened. No one called. No one told me she was fine. I heard nothing.

_Cos the line between_

_Wrong and right_

_Is the width of a thread_

_From a spider's web_

I sat back at the kitchen table and drank coke. Which was really really bad because the last time I had drunk coke was in college. Before I could drink alcohol. And I remembered my first date with Addison, where she had got through about four diet coke and Bacardi. That was before she discovered vodka. And then thinking of Addison made me feel really sad, so I paced up and down the kitchen for a while. And then my phone rang.

_The piano keys _

_Are black and white_

_But they sound like a million colours_

_In your mind…._

"She's beautiful." Karen said as she passed me the phone, glancing at the display. I didn't need to look at the picture to see who it was. Only one photo on my phone would evoke that from anyone. I'd taken it at a party we'd gone to about two weeks before she left for Seattle. A lifetime away. I put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

_The piano keys _

_Are black and white_

_But they sound like a million colours_

_In your mind…._

"Mark? It's Addison."

_They sound like a million colours_

_In your mind…_

**Sorry, I know I promised you guys Maddison but I came up with this plot line during a history exam, and I absolutely had to write it into this story. Because they needed something big to bring them back together. And… I got my Spanish result back and I got like a B so I am well proud of that!!!!**

**Hope you liked this chapter. Review, please.**

**You know you want to.**


	12. Open Your Eyes: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here's chapter twelve. Song is Snow Patrol Open Your Eyes. (By the way, I'm running out of decent songs, so if anyone wants to PM me or leave a review with a decent Maddison song title in it, that would be great. This story is nowhere near finished.) MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON MADDISON blah blah blah etc etc etc…**

Chapter Twelve – Open Your Eyes (Addison's POV)

I was having, quite possibly, the worst day of my life. And I was shaking like hell as I clutched the phone to my ear, waiting for his response. Mark's response.

_All this feels (__**30000 words!)**__ strange and untrue_

_And I won't waste a minute_

_Without you_

The day had started fairly normally. I'd been sick, but only once today, which was a good sign. I'd found it, for the first time, a squeeze to get into my clothes. Being me, a Gucci-and-Prada-only woman, I had been both excited about the baby and annoyed that for the next eight months I had no hope of wearing my $400 skirt. So I had rung Tammy and seen if my best friend had the day off too. The conversation had been short and simple, and we had agreed to meet in the Sunset shopping mall at eleven o clock. Tammy had told me that she would call Frankie and Kayleigh and see if they wanted to join us.

I had arrived at the mall ten minutes early, wearing one of my looser skirts and a loose blouse. And my glasses. For no particular reason other than they made me look formidable. Today was a day to be formidable. Tammy and Frankie had turned up, but Kayleigh had been asked to do a couple of C sections at the last minutes with the interns, so she had stayed behind. We ate Danish pastries for a late breakfast in the café, and then we headed out to shop. I wanted to buy Gucci maternity wear, if there was any such thing, but before we did that we got caught up looking through the windows and cooing at baby clothes, like a bunch of old ladies.

And that was when it happened. Frankie had gone to the bathroom and Tammy and I were peering through the window, looking at miniature pinafores and little soccer outfits. I heard the bang first, and then I fell to the floor.

_My bones ache_

_My skin feels cold_

_And I'm getting so tired _

_And so old_

When I woke up, I was amongst rubble and broken glass. There was a huge gaping hole in the ceiling of the shopping centre, a couple of hundred metres away. My head was pounding and I had glass embedded in my face, but I was lucky, I decided, looking around me. A few feet away there began to be people with burns. And people laid too still for comfort. My first thought was for Tammy. She was sprawled out on the floor beside me, her eyes open and staring at me.

"Addy? You ok?" she croaked.

"I think so." I murmured, "You?"

She looked down at her leg, which was trapped underneath a huge chunk of concrete. I winced.

"Ouch."

Slowly I raised myself to my feet, and looked around properly. There were a few paramedics and a few police officers, but the Sunset Mall was so vast, they were few and far between. I took a couple of steps forward and realised that although I was a bit shaken, I seemed to be unharmed. Nothing had hit me hard, and I hadn't banged my head properly. I mentally discharged myself, and set about easing Tammy's leg from underneath the concrete.

_The anger_

_Swells in my guts_

_And I won't feel these slices_

_And cuts_

It had been about four or five hours. I hadn't stopped to think. After I had got Tammy to an ambulance I had started to help the paramedics with all the more serious patients. There were more of them than anything I had seen in my medical career. And the amount of bodies I saw, too. That was painful. Three people died whilst I was still trying to help them out from under rubble. One of them was an eight month old. I just gritted my teeth and carried on. I couldn't afford to stop. Some of the people from nearer the explosion had terrible burns and I could see instantly that they would have violent scars for the rest of their lives. I must have pulled hundreds of people out from under the wreckage and onto to stretchers, dragging them to the ambulances and to a hope of survival in a life that would no longer be worth living. And the whole time I spent hoping the bastard who had caused this had died very very slowly. I was so glad I didn't find him, still struggling for life. I would have been forced by my own morals to break the Hippocratic Oath there and then.

It wasn't until about seven o clock in the evening that one of the paramedics who I had been working with all day turned to me.

"I'd better get that glass out of your face." He said, and grinned at me, clutching antiseptic and a small pair of tweezer like instruments. He was deft and clean at getting it out, but I couldn't stop the nausea rising in my stomach as he quickly tacked three stitches through it, so I could continue helping. It was insane. I spent my life stitching up other people, but I hated it when it came to me.

At eight o clock, Kayleigh arrived on the ambulance. Taking a look at my pale face and my stitches, she practically bundled me into the ambulance.

"Go to the hospital, Addy. Sit down. You can talk to Tammy or something."

"I need to help here."

"Addy, you've done all you can. Go."

After about a three minute argument, I gave in. My legs were practically giving way underneath me.

"And for God's sake, ring Mark Sloane. He's going mad."

_I want so much to open your eyes_

_Cos I need you to look into mine_

I arrived at the hospital, my head pounding. I went straight to Tammy's room, but she was asleep. I borrowed her cell phone from her bag and walked across the hall into an on call room. I sat on the bed, leaning up against the wall, suddenly painfully aware that I was still wearing my Versace skirt, though I had switched my Dolce and Gabbana heels for a spare pair of the paramedic's trainers a long time ago. I wrapped the sheets of the bed around me and shivered. And then I dialled his number.

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

Hearing his voice sent warmth through me.

"Hello?"

"Mark? It's Addison."

And then my hand was shaking, holding the phone, waiting for his reply.

It was slow in coming. "Addy, are you ok?"

"Yes. I've got stitches in my face, but I'm all right."

I heard something mildly resembling a sniff from the other end, and when his voice returned it was thicker. "Oh thank God, Addison. Why didn't you phone me sooner? I thought you'd died."

"My phone got – I dunno. I lost my bag. I just spoke to Kayleigh Stanford."

"Oh my God, Addy. Thank God you're alive."

Mark Sloane was crying. I never thought I'd see the day.

"Mark, it's terrible. People are burnt, and so many people are dead."

"Shhhh, baby, it's ok. It's gonna be ok. I'm flying out in a couple of hours, to help with burns."

I said nothing.

"So you didn't hear my voicemail?"

"No."

"I've got something to tell you. I'm going to explain myself. Can I meet you in the hospital cafeteria tomorrow morning?"

"Sure. I'll be here all night."

"No you won't. You will go home and sleep. I bet you've been out there all day, helping."

I said nothing. He read my guilty silence.

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

"Tell me you'll go home and rest. You're probably still in shock."

"All right." I agreed weakly.

"And call Seattle. They're really worried. I spoke to Derek."

He what? What if Miranda spoke to Derek and Derek told Mark?

But luckily Mark said nothing that made me think he knew anything. I heard him talking to someone in the background, but I couldn't hear their voice.

"Are you sure you're all right, Addy?"

"Yes. Just a bit… oh God, Mark, it's awful. There was so many people, just laid there, bleeding and not enough people to help them. A baby died in my arms, Mark. I could kill the bastard who did this."

"So could I, baby. Just try not to think to hard. Take a couple extra aspirins and go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning in the café at eight, ok?"

"Ok."

"Bye, Addy. I'm so glad you're ok. I love you."

"Love you too."

_Beep. _The sound of the dialling tone brought me to my senses. What the hell had I just said?

_Get up get out _

_Get away from these liars_

_Cos they don't get your soul _

_Or your fire_

I walked out of the room, and took the phone back to Tammy, wiping the tears from my face, hardly noticing they were stinging the deep gash I had now. Tammy was still sleeping, but I ran into Vicki Brown on my way out.

"Dr Montgomery." She said, bowing her head. It looked like she had been crying.

"Dr Brown, are you ok?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you." She said, "I just had to collect Dr Rogers' stuff from the locker room to give to her poor husband."

My head spun. I had pushed what could have happened to Frankie to the back of my head and just concentrated on helping people, for fear it would drive me mad. But now I had time to wallow in it. And the worst had happened.

"She's…dead?" I asked.

Vicki nodded. She kept her head down. "Sorry, Dr Montgomery. I thought you were with her."

"No. I wasn't. Not when it happened. And please, Vicki, call me Addison."

"Addison." She said, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I put my arms around the girl barely out of med school and gave her a hug.

_Take my hand _

_Knot you fingers through mine_

_And we'll walk from this dark room _

_For the last time_

I slept on and off, the only thing stopping me from completely refusing to get any sleep at all the fact that I was needed in the hospital tomorrow. I got up as early as I could and was in the ER helping from 6 in the morning. And the next two hours ticked by painfully slowly. Until I watched the clock on the wall hit 8, and I scrubbed myself down and left the ER, headed for the café.

I spotted him before he saw me. He was sat on a table with a young woman, whose face I couldn't see. I felt mildly sick. Was this what he had wanted to tell me? But he had said I love you last night and I had said it back. So I owed him his explanation. I walked across and he stood up opposite me. On closer inspection, the girl was only a teenager. I began to feel even sicker. Mark looked at me and immediately he got that look in his eyes he gets when he's trying to hide emotion. And he flung his arms around me, lifting me a couple of centimetres off the ground.

With my face buried in his shoulder, I felt like some of the weight had lifted. The feel of his arms tightening around me had a bizarre ability to relax me.

"Oh my God Addy." He whispered into my hair, and I felt his lips on the top of my head. And then I remembered the baby and the slight curve of my stomach. I stiffened and pulled away.

I sunk down into a chair, looking questioningly at the girl.

"Addy," Mark said, swallowing, "May I introduce you to Evie – my daughter. Evie, this is Addison Montgomery, my…"

I swallowed. "What?" I'd just processed the beginning of his sentence. **Mark couldn't have a daughter!**

And he told me everything. She was the daughter of a lesbian one night stand from before med school. She adored him, it was obvious from the way she looked at him. And I had never seen Mark look at anyone the way he looked at Evie – except for me.

_Every minute_

_From this minute now_

_We can do what we like_

_Anywhere_

"So you weren't cheating?"

"Never." He said, and a stupid grin came onto his face.

"Oh, Mark, why the hell didn't you just tell me this?" I asked.

"I was wrong." He said, "I'm sorry."

He looked so downcast that I reached out and took his hand.

"Mark…" I said. At this point, Evie cut in.

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air for a bit. I'll walk down to the shop and get some ice cream. See you in about an hour, Dad. Dr Montgomery."

I smiled at her. I liked her already. There was something very – Mark – about her. "Call me Addison, please." I said, and suddenly realised how I must seem to her. Some old woman who had chucked her dad out, just because he was on the phone to his daughter.

I watched her go. She was tall, nearly my height, and there was something about her walk that meant she could easily have been a model. She was only wearing jeans and a T-shirt, but at least three heads turned as she walked down the corridor. I usually disliked people like that. People like Meredith Grey, who could wear anything and look beautiful, with a bed head, with huge rings under their eyes and when they were crying. I was not one of those people. My eyes went red and my face got all blotchy. Evie's hair was long and blonde and curly, and although I agreed with the rest of the world that my hair was my best feature, I had longed for all my teenage years to be blonde. And finally, Evie had his eyes. Grey blue and, well, let's just say that it was Mark's eyes, I think, that drove me over the edge to commit adultery. Seriously.

_I want so much to open your eyes_

_Cos I need you to look into mine_

"She's beautiful, Mark. Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I was in med school. I was kind of embarrassed, having a baby with a lesbian. I guess I thought people would think less of me, or that I knocked up some poor girl. It wasn't like that. Sure, the one night stand was irresponsible, but after that we were ready for it. We wanted Evie from way way way before she was born. It was never a mistake for very long."

I said nothing, just marvelled at the look in his eyes when he talked about his daughter. I'd never seen him like this before, except for one time. When he was talking to that patient who wanted the boob job about finding someone to love. About… me.

"I love her so much, Addy. I'm scared by how much I love her. If anything happened to Evie, I would go mad. She's growing up so fast, and these past few weeks I've been right with her, and I've really realised just how she is the most important thing in my life. I would die for her, Addy, without a doubt. I would give up anything for her. Anything."

This was the man I had told that he would be a terrible father. Well, I was really forced to eat my words. I looked at him. This wasn't the Mark I knew. This Mark I had only seen a couple of times, when his Mom had died, when he'd apologised to me for sleeping with someone else in med school, and the time he had come to Seattle to try and get me to come back. This was raw, emotional Mark, and he kept that well hidden.

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

"Sorry for chucking you out." I said simply, knowing there was so much more I wanted to say, but I couldn't.

"It's ok. I missed you, Addy."

I didn't say anything, but suddenly found a very interesting spot of coffee on the table which demanded my full attention.

"Evie and I are here for a week. Dr Oldham said I can bunk at his place, but do you think…"

"Of course, Mark. I'd loved to have Evie at mine. She's great. That's fine."

The look on his face was of pure gratitude. And then something else flickered behind the eyes I knew so well.

"Well, I've gotta go work." He said, draining his coffee cup. "When do you finish?"

"Six o clock." I said. "Can you and Evie meet me in the lobby?"

"Sure. Thanks so much, Addy."

"My pleasure. See you, Mark."

"See you later." He said as he stood up and walked away.

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

At lunch time I went to sit on the table I always sat at with my friends at CCH. Kayleigh had helped Tammy hobble across so she was sat there with her. As I sat down, I looked across at the empty space beside her.

Where Frankie Rogers should have sat there was a huge gaping hole in everything. I shivered. Frankie, who just this time yesterday had excused herself from Tammy's and my conversation to go to the toilet in the Sunset Mall, would never sit there again. She would never eat lunch with us again. She would never do orthopaedic surgery again. She would never moan that she never got any new residents. She would never leave at the end of the day and drive home to her husband of six months, Larry. She would never come out with us on a Saturday night, and refuse to drink more than two glasses of wine. She would never confide in anyone again her dreams of having a child. She would never be.

I stood up, shakily.

"I'm not hungry." I said, and walked out of the café. I ran down the corridor, looking for somewhere to hide. That was when I spotted Mark walking towards me, head in some charts, I decided to apply a Seattle Grace tradition. I ducked into the supply closet and collapsed on the floor.

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

And then I sobbed. Frankie was dead. If Frankie hadn't gone to the toilet then, she would have been alive with me and Tammy. If I had gone with her, I would be dead. If Tammy had gone with her, Tammy would be dead. If I had been standing about two metres to the right, I would have been killed. If I had fallen in the other direction I would have been the one crushed, not just my handbag. I shook and sobbed and pulled at my hair. If I had died, my baby would have died too. I put my hands on my stomach.

Then a crack of light shone across my face. I shuddered and looked up. Mark was stood in the doorway, with such a look of concern on my face I was scared.

_All this feels strange and untrue_

_And I won't waste a minute _

_Without you._

**I wrote and rewrote this chapter. I had to get exactly the right balance of dependent Addison, worried Mark, independent Addison, romantic Mark, scared and traumatised Addison and Mark-Evie's-dad. **

**Anyhoo, reviews are most welcome. I don't think there will be many more chapters, I think I'm over halfway, but you never know. As yet, I only have a very vague idea for the ending.**

**xgreyslostwhox**


	13. The Rose: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to New York and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Right then, here's chapter thirteen. Ooooooh, unlucky!! Anyway, the song is nice slushy love song The Rose, which has been sung by a bunch of people, most recently by Westlife. (This comes from my Mum's CD, not mine) And I got loads of good results for my exams so I am well pleased, including an A for dance and history!!!!!!**

**Anyway, Addison has offered to have Mark's daughter stay with her, she has broken down at the thought of Frankie being dead (sorry for killing her off, but someone had to die and she was the least interesting of all my other characters, and although I named her after a friend – sorry real Frankie – she was never going to have a big part to play. She serves her purpose better dead), and Mark has just walked in on her crying. Going straight from there. Will Addy tell Mark about the baby? Will Mark leave after a week? Here we go…**

Chapter Thirteen – The Rose (Addison's POV)

She was sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. Her hair was tousled and her face was white, with tracks of black where her makeup had run with her tears. And the stitches on her face shone out in bright blue. And when she looked up at me her eyes were so bleak that I actually felt pure physical pain in my chest.

"Addy?" I said, and my voice came out choked. She didn't say anything, just blinked, setting two tears rolling down her cheeks. I took a step inside and shut the door of the supply closet, instantly plunging us into near darkness. And then I squatted on the floor next to her and put an arm over her shoulders, roughly pulling her towards me, so she could bury her head in my chest. And then she let out the sobs. Loud, noisy sobs that she must have been holding in this whole time. I wanted so badly to be able to do something to make the hurt go away. But there was nothing I could do but hold her and rock her and press my lips against the copper shine that was the top of her head, making sure she knew I was there.

_Some say love_

_It is a river_

_That drowns_

_The tender breeze_

Slowly her tears subsided and I felt her arms come around my middle. And that was when I felt it. Something was different about her. I knew her body so well. There was something different there, but something I couldn't place. Because she was my Addy, I thought I knew every tiny contour and every curve of her body. And something had definitely changed. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Slowly she raised her head and through the dim half light I could see her eyes, red rimmed with her crying. And she pressed her face up against mine and I felt her whole body sink into mine as she sighed. I felt her tear run down my cheek, burning my skin. Her pain was my pain. I couldn't think straight when Addison cried. So I just tightened my arms around her, pressed my face harder against hers, and marvelled at the feel of having Addy's skin underneath my hands after so long, and the feel of holding her, and her needing me. They were good feelings.

I loved her.

_Some say love _

_It is a razor_

_That leaves_

_Your soul to bleed_

"It's gonna be ok, Addy. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it's gonna be ok."

She pulled away, so she was perched on my lap, her face an inch or two from mine. She looked deep into my eyes, like she was searching for something. Searching for something to make it ok. Something I didn't have.

"There…there were all these people…laid under the rubble… so many people… children, little kids, Mark… and… and they were all… all… d…dead. And I couldn't do anything."

"Shhhh." Was all I could think of to say, and I could have kicked myself. It was lame.

"They were alive yesterday. Now they're gone, Mark. That could so easily have been me."

"Baby, it's ok." I whispered and stroked her hair as good as I could, with her leaning away.

_Some say love_

_It is a hunger_

_An endless aching need_

"Don't do that." She said, pushing my arms away from around her waist.

"What?"

"Call me baby and pretend that you care."

**Oh, Addy. You have no idea how much I care.**

"I care, Addison. I care so much it hurts. I know I've said it before, but I don't think you've understood me, I…"

"Stop it!" she shouted, interrupting me, "Stop it! You went! You walked away, and you didn't tell me about your daughter for sixteen years! You never called! I didn't mean for you to go for good, Mark! I thought you would call!"

I gripped her arms and forced her to look at me. "Addy, it was you who shouted all that stuff at me. It was you who said it meant nothing. That you were lonely and I was just there. That it was just about sex."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it."

Evie's words echoed in my head: **Girls say horrid stuff, cos that's the best way they know to hurt guys. She didn't mean it. **I made a mental note to always listen to my daughter about everything from now on.

"I thought you would come back, Mark. I wanted you to come back."

_I say love_

_It is a flower_

_And you_

_It's only seed_

I looked at her. Addison Forbes Montgomery, with the flaming hair, the long, slim legs and the bright blue eyes that had driven me mad with lust in med school. Addison Forbes Montgomery, who I loved more than anything in the world.

"I thought you meant it." I said quietly, "I thought you didn't want me back."

She blinked back tears. "I did. I did."

"Come here, you." I said, and she leant forward into my arms. I held her tightly and then pushed her away a tiny bit, making room to manoeuvre myself so that I could touch her lips with mine. Just gently, neither of us moving to further the kiss. Just content being **there**. And then she drew back slowly and looked at me, her eyes filling again.

"What is it?" I whispered, cupping her face with my hand.

"Frankie… Rogers. The orthopaedic attending. She was with T…t…Tammy and I at the mall. And she went… she only went to the bathroom, Mark! And now… and now she's… she's dead… and there's nothing I… nothing anyone… can do about it."

And then the sobs came in fresh floods again. And the pain in my chest returned. I bent my head and kissed each tear as it hit her cheekbone. Then I wrapped my arms around her tighter than I ever had before and held her to me so hard I thought for a minute she might break. And then I felt it again. Something changed about her. Something alien, and new.

_It's the heart_

_Afraid of breaking_

_That never learns to dance_

After minutes of holding and rocking her, she gathered my hands and slid away across the floor, right apart from me, until she was holding both my hands in hers. No other part of us was touching.

"Addy. I've said it before, but I don't think you've understood me-"

"Please, Mark. Shhhh." She said, and stroked her thumb over my palm. I looked into her eyes and there was something there I couldn't read.

"I have to tell you." I said. She shook her head.

"I have to tell you something first. I should have told you ages ago."

"What?" I asked, gripping her hands tightly in mine.

"Promise me you won't yell or get mad?"

"I promise. Nothing could make me get mad at you, Addison. Just tell me."

"Promise me you won't think any less of me?"

"I promise. Dammit, just tell me."

"I…I…shit, Mark, I don't know how to tell you this."

I leant forward and kissed her. "Just say it. Just close your eyes and say it, whatever it is."

"I'm pregnant."

_It's the dream _

_Afraid of waking_

_That never_

_Takes the chance_

Nothing she could have said could have shocked me any more. I felt my hands fall slack in her grip, which only tightened. I looked into my lap. I couldn't even process the thought. Addison. Addison, the woman I loved, was pregnant. She had a baby inside of her. A baby. A real little life.

"It's yours." She whispered, and let go of one of my hands to hook it under my chin and force me to look at her. "I should have told you, Mark, I'm sorry."

Addison was pregnant with my baby. I was going to be a father all over again.

"Say something, Mark."

I drew a deep breath, and then I understood. Addison was having my baby. She didn't get rid of it like before. If we were ever to get a second chance, this was it. We weren't just Addy and Mark anymore, we were Addy and Mark and a baby. Evie was going to be a big sister. Something she would never even have dreamed of. There was a tiny life inside the womb of the woman I loved, and it was half me. I didn't say something, like she'd asked. I leant forward and kissed her softly right on the mouth.

_It's the one_

_Who won't be taken_

_Who cannot _

_Seem to give_

"I love you." I said, "That's what I wanted to say. I love you. But I guess now I have to change that."

Her face showed confusion and concern. "I love both of you."

And then I covered her lips with mine, laying both my hands on her stomach. When we broke the kiss, I drew back.

"How many weeks?"

"Eight." She grinned. "I think it was… I mean…"

I got her drift. "The first night. The first night I was here. We were both too carried away to use protection."

She nodded, blushing.

"I'm glad." I said.

"Me too. It's not the other baby, but it's still our baby. So we get another shot, right?"

"Right." I agreed, and kissed her stomach lightly, just above her belly button. "It's Baby Montgomery Sloane."

"Baby Montgomery Sloane." She echoed, and pulled me back up to her for another kiss.

_And the soul_

_Afraid of dying_

_That never _

_Learns to live_

"What are we gonna do?" she whispered in my ear.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Aren't you going back to Iowa at the end of the week?"

"Of course not. I guess I'd better start begging Robert Harvey to give me my job back."

She looked at me shyly. "You can stay with me if you like. We can try to make this work again."

"It would have worked in the first place if I hadn't been such an idiot." I said bitterly, and she reached out and stroked my cheek.

"Maybe it's better, Mark. Maybe, you know, being apart made us stronger or whatever."

I chuckled. "Do you actually believe that crap?" I asked, "I've been in hell without you, Addy."

"You're so corny, Mark. If it's a boy I forbid you to teach him all your cheesy chat up lines."

**If it's a boy. **In my mind I saw a little boy tearing around the football pitch with flaming red hair. Then a girl with ginger curls prancing around in a pink tutu.

"And if it's a girl?" I asked, marvelling at the thought of it all. A child, a real live child, half me and half Addison.

"I'll teach her how to do her hair and make up and we'll drop her on her first date and-"

"Whoa. Slow down there." I interrupted. "My daughter will not be going on any dates until she is at least thirty."

She laughed and kissed me, and then I pulled her to her feet. "Let's go save lives, Mommy."

_When the night_

_Has been too lonely_

_And the road _

_Has been too long_

That night I drove us to Addy's apartment in her car. Evie sat in the back, chatting away about this that and the other, like nothing had changed. We hadn't told her just yet. I wanted to find the right moment. I kept stealing glances at the woman sat next to me. The fiery haired beauty with the slight curve to her stomach now. She smiled back at me every time, and I still couldn't quite believe it. I had won Addison back, and we were having a baby. And yesterday I had thought she was dead.

We let ourselves in the apartment and Addy set a bed up for Evie on the sofa. I ordered us curry, knowing it was one of Addison's favourites, before confirming with her that it wouldn't make her sick or something. It didn't. We sat, the three (or four) of us, around her table and talked. About Addison, Evie wanted to know everything about her career; about me, and what a lazy sod I had been being these past weeks; and about Evie, because Addison hardly knew her. I looked across the table at the two of them chatting and laughing and realised that I was with my two favourite people in all the world.

_And you think_

_That love is only_

_For the lucky _

_And the strong_

"Evie. We have something to tell you." I said, as we finished our meal. She looked at me – almost amused.

"You two are getting back together? Because, Dad, any fool could work that one out!"

I smiled at my daughter. "Yes, love. And…"

"I'm having a baby." Addison offered, and Evie's eyes lit up.

"Seriously? I'm gonna be like a big sister?"

I nodded. "Oh my God congratulations you guys!" she squealed, jumped up from the table and hugged me. And then she hugged Addison. The look on Addy's face made my heart swell, as my daughter, my daughter who this time yesterday had not ever met her.

"What are you going to call it?" she asked.

"If it's a girl, Francesca." I said automatically, and Addison turned and looked at me with gratitude in her eyes so deep that I couldn't stop the grin from splitting my face.

"If it's a boy, David." She sent back at me, and I felt one tear rise in my eyes that I blinked away. David was my granfather's name. My grandfather who I had loved as a child more than anyone else, even my own mother. Addy stepped towards me and wrapped her arms around me, burying her head in my chest. I smiled and lifted her head to kiss her.

We pulled apart to Evie clearing her throat. "It's nice that you guys are happy and all, but please wait til I'm out the room before you start to make out. I am still your severely embarrassed teenage daughter."

"Right." I said, and kissed Addison on the nose. Then I turned to Evie. "Why are you still here?"

She laughed and ran from the room.

_Just remember_

_In the winter_

_Far beneath_

_The bitter snow_

That night we clung together like they never had before. Every time Addison kissed me I felt my heart race well over the normal limit, and every time I caught the smell of her hair I grasped her so tight she must have thought she would stop breathing. Every time I touched her she closed her eyes and it was like we could wish away the past six weeks of loneliness and pain, and concentrate solely on each other's touch, and the taste her lips on mine.

Afterwards we lay, exhausted but happy, limbs intertwined on Addison's bed. I slid my hand over her belly, laying it over my child.

"You can't deny it anymore." I said.

"What?"

"I heard what you said at the end of the phone call, Addy. And I know you've felt it for as long as I have. I've let you lie to me and to yourself for a long time, but now we've got little Montgomery Sloane down there I can't anymore. It would be awfully confusing for a baby not to hear Mommy telling Daddy she loves him back."

There was a heavy silence and for one tiny moment I wondered if I had over stepped the line. Then Addy rolled onto her side as I did, so our knees and noses were almost touching.

"I didn't think I needed to say it, Mark. I love you. I've loved you forever. Since way before what happened between us. Way before the affair. And for the whole time after that. I love you, Mark Sloane, I love you."

And now she had finally said it she couldn't seem to stop saying it, murmuring **I love you **feverishly in my ear over and over again.

_Lies the seed_

_That with the sun's love _

_In the spring_

_Becomes the rose_

**Awwwwwwww! I promised you guys honesty and Maddison and finally that is what you got!!!!!!! Yay for Maddison!!!! (this is the point where if this was on the show I would do a little ecstatic victory dance).**

**Anyway, I want to carry this story on for a while yet. Not everything will be bright and shiny – to quote Meredith – in their relationship, and there will be problems that they will have to overcome in the pregnancy, with their child and in their relationship. But I am not going to make it too sad, because there are so many sad Maddison stories. They deserve happiness. Really they do.**

**So…click on that bluey purple button and tell me what you think. The reviews I've been getting for this story are great and I really appreciate them. Also, remember I want suggestions for Maddison songs!!!!**

**Thanks.**

**xgreyslostwhox**


	14. When You Love Someone: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Chapter fourteen is here, guys, and sorry for the wait. All your reviews have been brilliant and I love all your song suggestions. I will be using many of them in the next few chapters. This one is to When You Love Someone by Bryan Adams. And it's going to be a light and fluffy chapter. Yay!!!! Addison and Mark try to settle into life together in Chicago, but there will be teary goodbyes when Evie has to leave. Mostly fluff and all that. (at this point I am cheering wildly and dancing around my room)**

**I also realised that for a very long time I haven't written that I don't own Greys Anatomy. So there you go. I don't own Greys Anatomy (which of course you all thought that I did) I don't know any of the characters from the show, but here is a list of things I do own:**

**- Tammy, Frankie (RIP), Evie, Becki, Kayleigh, Karen, Robert Harvey, Any other characters**

**- Chicago Central Hospital**

**- Greys Anatomy seasons 1 and 2**

**- Multiple McDreamy posters, Thousands of McSteamy posters, One Alex poster**

**- One guinea pig and a water snail.**

**- etc, etc, etc…**

Chapter Fourteen – When You Love Someone (Addison's POV)

Someone was lightly shaking me, and I opened my eyes to Mark's smiling face. His eyes were deep and thoughtful as he gazed down at me, and then bent his head to kiss me gently. My pulse soared well over a healthy and normal limit.

"Evie made you scrambled egg for breakfast, Addy." He whispered, and at the thought of scrambled eggs, that yellow wobbly mass on a plate, my heart and my stomach sunk. I pushed Mark out of the way and staggered on unsteady legs to the bathroom, where I threw up. Three times.

By the time I was done he was crouching behind me, holding my hair and stroking it gently, whispering, "It's ok, baby, it's ok."

I reached up for my glass of water and drank it down, desperate to get rid of the burning taste in my mouth and throat. Then I sank back into Mark's arms. He held me for a minute.

"You ok now?" he asked. I nodded, still not trusting myself to speak and slowly he helped me back onto my feet, supporting me where my useless shaking legs would not. I leant into him and sighed a huge sigh as he kissed my forehead and slowly supported me into the bedroom again.

"I guess scrambled eggs is off." He said, smiling at me. I grinned weakly back. He knelt down in front of me where I was sat on my bed and stroked the side of my face with his hand.

"I guess." I said, and found myself drowning in the intensity of the love in his eyes. It was incredible really, that all that – steaminess – in those grey blue eyes was for me.

"Do you want anything, Addy? Do you want to go back to bed? I can call Harvey, I'm sure he'll understand."

I would never let him know, but I loved protective Mark. Protective Mark made me feel wanted.

_When you love someone_

_You'll do anything_

_You'll do all the crazy things you can't explain_

"No. They need me in there, Mark. They've still got casualties spilling in from the bombs and so many surgeries that need doing."

He sighed and kissed me gently, softly, right on the mouth.

"Whatever you say." He murmured in a voice barely more than a whisper and went back to kissing me, gently. I pulled back slowly and took his face in my hands.

"I stink of sick, Mark."

He smiled and kissed me again. "I don't care." He said, "I love you anyway."

I stroked his cheek lightly with my thumb, gazing into his eyes, when we heard someone clearing their throat. Evie stood in the doorway, smiling at us, bright red.

"Uh… Addison? There's someone on the phone for you – a Miranda Bailey?"

"Shit." Mark swore and as he looked at me guiltily I realised that neither of us had let Seattle know I was ok. I took the phone from Mark's daughter, smiling.

"Addison Montgomery." I said.

"Addison?" Miranda's usually harsh tone faded into nothing in almost disbelief. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. All that's happened to me is I've got some stitches in my face."

"Why the hell didn't you phone someone or leave a message or something? We all thought you were dead, Addison Montgomery. I know Shepherd told Sloane to phone us when he got any news. Now a random girl is picking up your phone and telling me she's Sloane's daughter!"  
I sighed. There would have been better ways for Seattle and the Merediths to find out about Evie.

"I'm sorry, Miranda. There's been a lot going on the past day and a half and I've been busy with work."

"That is no excuse! We thought you were lying in a pile of rubble somewhere, and no one knew who you were!"

I couldn't say anything to that. I looked at Mark and he grinned apologetically back. There was a silence from the other end, and then Miranda spoke again.

"Well, I'm glad you're ok, Addison. Is the other thing we discussed?" I figured there was someone else in the room with her, that didn't know about the baby.

"Yeah. I told Mark."

"So the asshole's back then, is he?"

I laughed. "Yeah. He's back for good." And Mark reached across and took my hand.

_You'll shoot the moon _

_Put out the sun_

_When you love someone_

"Well, I suppose I won't be able to persuade you otherwise on that front. There's way too much history there."

I nodded, smiling. She had summed it up perfectly. There was so much history between me and Mark that we couldn't help but end up together in the very end.

"I'm sorry I didn't ring, Miranda."

"That's ok, Addison. Dr Torres wants to talk to you now."

"Sure." I said, and then Callie was thundering down the phone.

"Why the hell didn't you phone someone?"

I sighed. "I've just been through all this with Miranda, Callie. I'm sorry. I was very busy helping the relief and all that. And – I'm pregnant!"

Callie gasped. "As is having a baby pregnant?"

I laughed. "Call yourself a surgeon!" But in the background I could hear her shouting at someone.

"George, if you dare tell your little friends!"

I just laughed. "Let him tell them, Callie. And whilst he's at it, tell them Mark has a sixteen year old daughter. Give them something to talk about. I'm sure Seattle Grace isn't half as interesting without me."

I could almost hear the smile in Callie's voice. "You'll make a great Mother, Addison. You have to come down here as soon as you can."

"Once the hospital quietens down again after the bomb, I promise. Me and Mark'll come down and maybe stay for a couple of nights or something. Would that be good?"

"Brilliant. We've all missed you, Addy."

"I missed you too. But I've gotta be getting to work now."

"Oh, God, hang on a second. The Chief wants to talk to you."

There was a silence on the line, and then the familiar voice of my boss and friend.

"Congratulations, Addison."

"Thank you, Richard." I said, "I'm sorry I didn't call."

"It's ok. We were just worried about you, that's all. I suppose you'd better congratulate Sloane, too."

"OK."

"Has Robert Harvey been treating you right?"

"It's great here. I love working with Tammy, and with my other friends…"

I trailed off, Frankie Roger's smiling face swimming into my mind.

"So you wouldn't consider coming back to Seattle Grace then?"

"I don't know, Richard. I want to stay with Mark now. And there's the baby."

"I'm offering the both of you your jobs back. I'm really retiring in a few months, and Derek's going to be Chief of Surgery. But I don't think the team will be strong enough without you or Sloane. I want both of you back. I can talk to Harvey, I'll be able to convince him."

I thought hard. I liked CCH, I liked Tammy and Kayleigh and Vicki Brown. I liked salmon scrubs and I liked working under Robert Harvey. But it wasn't Seattle. Seattle, the town I had come to love to hate.

"I'll think about it. I'll talk to Mark."

"All right. Well, let me know in the next few days. Thanks, Addison. I'm glad you're ok. Congratulations."

"Thanks. Bye, Richard."

_You'll deny the truth_

_Believe a lie_

_There'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly_

I put the phone down, shaking slightly. The familiar voices had made my head spin and suddenly the fact that I had almost died was beginning to sink in. I had already cried a lot, but that was for everyone else. Frankie and the others who had died suddenly, without warning, without thought. All of a sudden the fact that I had narrowly escaped death was in the forefront of my mind. I felt my eyes blur up with tears when the thought of never seeing Mark again, never seeing any of the Seattle lot again, crept into my brain. I felt Mark's arms come around me and before I knew it I was crying hard into his shoulder, unable to control the rush of emotions overtaking me.

Somewhere, the obstetrician in me was telling me it was hormonal, but the only thing that I could think of was the wreckage and disaster, the death and the destruction. I let Mark hold me tightly until the sobs had subsided. Evie was still stood in the doorway, looking sadly at us both. I hardly noticed as she crept away.

"Addy, I'm putting my foot down. You're in no state to go to work today."

"Mark, I need to-"

"No, you don't, Addison. The hospital and all the other perfectly good qualified doctors can cope without you for one day. You're pregnant, and you've just suffered a huge shock. You are not going back to work today."

I pouted. I knew I was doing it, but I couldn't help it. He leant in to kiss my cheek, but I leant away.

"Addison…" he said in a warning tone.

"Mark…" I echoed back, teasing, and then I hugged him tightly to me.

"Is this real?" I murmured in his ear, "Is this really us, now?"

"I think so."

"It's too good to be true." I said, "I love you."

"I love you too." He said, "Now, go back to bed, get some sleep – because neither of us got very much last night – and then spend the day doing nothing useful. Watch TV, read a book, relax. Don't worry, don't think about work, don't think about what happened."

"All right." I said, and he looked shocked.

"You're agreeing with me?"

"Uh huh. I'm letting you be the bossy one."

He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. "All right then, Addy. Evie's still here for now. You know how to reach me if you need me."

"I know. I love you, Mark."

"Love you, Addy." He said, and kissed me one last time, then grabbing his bag and walking out the door. I heard the front door slam and I sighed.

And then I realised that of all the mornings I'd woken up sick since this whole thing had started, this was the first I'd shared with someone I loved.

_But your lonely nights_

_Have just begun_

_When you love someone_

It was almost midday when I woke up, feeling substantially better than I had before. I put a dressing gown on and wandered downstairs, hoping for something to eat. Evie was sat in front of my TV, watching _The Simpsons _and texting someone on her cell phone. I made a cup of coffee and sat next to her on the sofa.

"You all right now?" she said, almost warily. I didn't blame her, really. She had seen me at my very worst state this morning. I smiled.

"Yeah, thanks. A little bit sicky still but other than that I should be fine."

"Great." She said, and tried unsuccessfully to disguise a sigh as she read her next incoming text.

I argued with myself over whether to ask her about it. She was so like Mark, I felt I knew her already. But she didn't know me. And maybe she didn't want to.

"What is it?" I asked, and she looked at me, suddenly sadly.

"Have you ever had a friend that you thought loved you more than anything and then they let you down so hard you think it would hurt to start feeling again?"

I nodded slowly, thinking of Mark, when he cheated on me in college.

"Well, there's this guy, my best friend, Mickey. And I was going out with this guy called Jack but then – well, there was this one night and Mickey and I ended up… you know."

I nodded. God, this was beginning to sound uncomfortably familiar.

"So I dumped Jack and I was going out with Mickey, for a couple months or whatever. And then I come down here for like a day, and Mickey's gone back to college. He's been there like one day and one of my other friends, Chantelle, she says that she saw him with his old girlfriend again. So I texted him and asked him what the hell was going on and he said what we had was just a fling."

And I don't know how it happened, but suddenly Mark's daughter was crying into my shoulder. So far my days seemed to have been made up of crying. I stroked her golden hair and wished I could say something to make her feel better. But I couldn't. I knew exactly how she was feeling.

"I didn't want it to be a fling." She said, "I wanted it to be forever. He was supposed to be my best friend."

And I wished Mark was there to help me help her.

_When you love someone_

_You'll feel it deep inside_

_And nothing else can ever change you mind_

"Evie." I said solemnly, looking into her eyes, grey, familiar eyes. "Evie, you are strong, you are beautiful and you are intelligent. And no guy can ever take that away from you. You can do whatever you want with your life and no one can stop. You are totally in control."

She smiled at me. "Sure. I'm going to art college. My Mom says it's a waste of my intelligence, but there's nothing else I want to do. It's like my **thing**, you know, the thing I do good? Like Chantelle plays bass guitar and Libby can do Math with her eyes closed."

"If that's what you want to do, you'll do it, Evie." I said, "If you believe you can."

She smiled at me and then gave me a rough, awkward hug.

"I think you're supposed to hate your Dad's girlfriend, but I can't help liking you." She said, and that made me beam.

"Thanks." I said. "Look, you don't mind about the baby, do you?"

Evie shrugged. "At first, I was excited. Then, laid in bed last night, I wasn't sure. I thought, stupidly, I know, that maybe a baby would change in some way the way my Dad sees me. Because right now he thinks I'm special. I'm his only child, and if that changes, I can't help thinking that I won't be so special to him anymore."

I smiled weakly at her and patted her hand. "You will, Evie. I've never seen him look quite the way he does when he talks about you. You are the best thing he's ever done."

There was a silence for a minute and then she spoke.

"I've seen him look like that." She said. "When he talks about you."

And the tears that came into my eyes stung.

_When you want someone_

_When you need someone_

_When you love someone_

Mark didn't get home until late, and when he did he came bearing groceries from the shop. I cooked. Mark stood there, watching me in amusement.

"What?" I said, trying to work out how to work the grill.

"You don't cook, Addy. You're crap at cooking."

"Gee, thanks." I said, "Nice to know someone has a little faith in me. I used to cook for Derek."

"No you didn't." he said pointedly. "You used to buy basically pre prepared food. Or Derek would cook."

I sighed, because he was right, and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.

"I brought the groceries so Evie could cook."

Evie looked up at the mention of her name. "what?"

"You can cook. You cook at home."

"Dad, I'm going home tomorrow. Can't you cook for me?"

I snorted. "Mark, cook? I don't think so."

"Like you're any better." He threw back at me.

"Oh yeah? I bet I could make something out of these?" I gestured to the meat and vegetables he'd bought, "Better than you."

"In your dreams, sweetheart."

"Children!" Evie said, laughing, a sparkle back in her eyes after the pain that had haunted them earlier. "I'll cook!"

We all laughed.

_When you love someone_

_You'll sacrifice_

_You'll give it everything you've got_

Dinner was bittersweet. Evie was leaving early tomorrow morning, going back to school and to making a portfolio, aiming for art school in the future. Mark and I were muddling forward, unsure of what there would be in the future except a baby. Unsure of how we would forget all that history Miranda Bailey mentioned. Evie had cooked a delicious meal, and the conversation we made was polite and impersonal. But so much in my life had changed in the past four days that I was suddenly shaky and unsure of everything. Mark hadn't cheated. Mark had a daughter. We were having a baby together. Richard wanted us back at Seattle Grace. Derek was going to be Chief of Surgery. Nothing stayed constant, nothing remained the same.

_And you won't think twice_

_You'd risk it all_

_No matter what may come_

The next day we stood together at the train station, waving to Evie.

"Bye honey." Mark said, and kissed his daughter gently. I hugged her and looked her in the eye. "You can do whatever it is you want, Evelyn Firth." I said, and she hugged me tightly.

Then she was gone, pulling her suitcase towards the train and leaving Mark and I behind. Mark had a slight tear in his eye that I reached up and wiped away.

"She'll be back." I said, "Before we know it, she'll be back. You'll see her more than ever now."

"I know." He said, "I just don't like it when she leaves."

I held his hand tightly as we walked back to my car.

"Richard wants us back in Seattle." I said bluntly, realising there would be no right time to tell him, I just had to get on with it.

"What?" Mark spat.

"Derek's gonna be Chief. But Richard wants us back."

Mark said nothing.

"What do you want to do, Mark?" I asked. He reached across and took my hands.

"Whatever it is you want to do, Addy." He said, and then he kissed me. "As long as I'm with you…"

_You'll shoot the moon_

_Put out the sun_

_When you love someone_

**There you go. Fluffy, happy Maddison. Which Greys hasn't actually invented yet. And now they never will. Sob, sob. I read somewhere that Eric Dane might be going to Private Practice in the second season? Is that true or is it just a vicious rumour started to make my heart bleed…**


	15. If I Ain't Got You: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Anyhoo, the next chapter. Sorry about the wait. Addy and Mark go to Seattle!!! Yay!!! Song is If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys. And by the way, the situation in my Seattle is:**

**-Burke left, Cristina is single.**

**-Izzie does not love George, she has no strong feelings for George, she is dating ALEX. **

**-George and Callie are still happily married. No adultery.**

**-Mer and Der are living in bliss and harmony and bright and shiny-ness. Meredith is not being all weird and distant and Derek is not meeting other girls in bars. So there.**

**Here we go…**

Chapter Fifteen – If I Ain't Got You (Mark's POV)

I'll admit it, I was nervous. I was. I hadn't seen Derek and the Seattle lot since the day I had left to come to CCH, just to do a surgery, not even considering finding Addison there. Still wildly searching. So much had happened since then. We'd gotten back together, gotten pregnant, split up for a while, I'd thought she was dead in the bombs, found her again, told her about my daughter, and now we were happy, and going to be parents. That was going to be a lot for the rumour mills at Seattle Grace to deal with. We were going to stay for a week with Derek and Meredith, which would also be bizarre. The ex-best friends, the ex-wife and husband and the ex-dirty mistress. One hell of a party.

_Some people live for the fortune  
Some people live just for the fame  
Some people live for the power, yeah  
Some people live just to play the game_

We got our bags and climbed off the plane. I took Addy's hand as we walked through the airport, looking for a familiar face that had come to pick us up. Then I saw her. Meredith Grey, stood right at the back, leant up against a wall, talking to a tall blonde. Izzie Stevens. Then Meredith spotted us and waved a hand in the air, smiling and shouting something, but there was so much noise in the airport lobby that I couldn't hear her. I tugged Addison towards them, and when we were within a few feet we could finally talk. Izzie threw her arms around Addison, saying something that sounded like: "A baby!"

"Congratulations!" Meredith said, and smiled knowingly at me. "Looks like the dirty mistresses club membership is down to zero now, then."

I laughed, and smiled. Izzie had now turned to hug me, and over her shoulder I saw Addison and Meredith eyeing each other. Of course it was awkward between them, that would never cease. She was the affair that broke their marriage. But then, so was I. Then I smiled as Addison leant in and kissed Meredith lightly on the cheek, smiling openly. Meredith's stiff smile softened and I could just hear her offering her congratulations. Then Izzie released me and we were all stood there, just looking at each other, not making a sound.

"I brought the Jeep." Meredith said, breaking the silence, "So there's plenty of room for your bags."

"Thanks." Addison smiled, and I noticed the wary look back in her eye. Nothing would ever be quite comfortable. Not with all the history.

_  
Some people think that the physical things  
Define what's within  
And I've been there before  
But that life's a bore_

We drove back to Meredith's house, Meredith and I sat in the front of the Jeep, Izzie and Addison sat in the back. It was strange, the four of us together in such a confined space after so long of hardly knowing what the hell was going on with each other.

"So, are you seeing anyone, Dr Stevens?" I asked. I liked Izzie Stevens. She was the only intern who had ever stood up to me, ever let me know that she thought I was an arrogant man whore. She was great, and I had a feeling that now I wasn't her boss, we would get on.

"Yeah. Alex." Izzie said, and blushed a little bit, looking at Addison to see her reaction. Addy just smiled, eyes twinkling.

"And call me Izzie, Mark." She added, "Dr Stevens makes me feel like I'm at work."

"Izzie." I repeated, and shifted back round in my seat to look at Meredith.

"And you? You and Derek still, what was it? Bright and shiny?"

Meredith smiled. "Uh huh." She said, and she got **that **look in her eye, an exact mirror of the one Derek got when talking about her. I grinned.

"So, when are you due?" Izzie asked, and Addison's hand went instinctively to her belly.

"I'm ten weeks now. I'm due in November."

"Wow." Meredith said almost wistfully and I looked sharply at her.

"You want one?"

She sighed. "One day, maybe. Not yet. Not until I've been a resident for at least two years."

Addison grimaced. "Oh, I forgot. What did you guys pick as your specialties?"

"General." Meredith said. "I couldn't decide so I thought it was best to keep my options open."

"Neuro." Izzie said, and I looked at Addison's face. It had fallen a little bit. I know she'd hoped Izzie would pick Neonatal. But I guess she had Vicki Brown if we stayed in Chicago to deal with for that.

"What about Yang, Karev and O'Malley?"

Izzie's face darkened. "George is taking his intern year again. He failed." She said blankly. "Don't mention it if you value your life."

"Cristina's doing cardiothoracic and Alex is doing Neonatal." Meredith said, watching for Addison's reaction in the mirror. She gave a contented little sigh.

"I affected one of you, then."

Izzie nodded. "We all laughed when he told us, but none of us were surprised, not really. We always knew that he would." She grinned, with the air of someone more than friendly with the subject of the conversation. "He's loved it ever since you started him off on it, Addison."

I rolled my eyes ever so slightly. I think we all knew what Alex Karev had been working with Addison for, and it wasn't the experience.

_So full of the superficial  
Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby_

_If I ain't got you baby_

We drew up outside Meredith's house, and Izzie and I carried in the suitcases. Callie O'Malley was sat at the kitchen table, opposite her husband. I looked pityingly at George. It must have been almost unbearable to fail the intern exams with the other four passing. Especially when within the other four was Cristina Yang. I smiled and shook his hand, and then shook Callie's, a moment of awkwardness spanning between us.

"Callie." I said.

"Sloane." She replied curtly, and then Addison walked in behind me and Callie sprung away from me to hug her friend, and gush something in female speak about the baby, and then mutter something too quiet to hear, which I suspected was about me.

"Dr Montgomery." George said, smiling. "Congratulations."

"Please, call me Addison." She said, and then came the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs, and Alex Karev had swept Addison into a massive hug. For a moment we stood there, stunned, every single one of us, including Addy. After everything, after all the history…

But then the moment of awkwardness passed and we were left standing there, sort of in a circle, staring at each other. Addy took my hand. It hadn't been long, especially since I'd seen them, but I suddenly realised how attached I'd become to Seattle's lovable interns. Who weren't interns anymore. I felt bizarrely like a proud father, as I smiled at them all, and was glad that they were here to meet us, here to welcome us back. I was glad that they were so friendly, and they were the kind of people who could forget years of rumours and manwhoring and such things in an instant. But there was one person missing.

_  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, Yeah_

"Mer, did you take the laund-" Derek started, but trailed off as he spotted everyone stood in the kitchen. And then his eyes darkened slightly as he saw Addy and I.

"Derek." Addison said tentatively, as if she wasn't sure where she stood. To be honest, I wasn't sure where she stood. And I certainly wasn't sure where I stood. There was a tension running high in the air between us, something so subtle and so **old **that there was no way the others could have detected it. For a moment there was just Mark and Addison and Derek, and we could have been alone in the room. Derek looked at Addison, then at me, and then down at our clasped hands. For a moment there was a shadow on his face, a shadow of the cold rage I had seen in his eyes the night he had discovered Addy and I. Then it passed and he looked solemnly between Addy and I once more, and then to Meredith. Which drew my eyes to the dirty blonde as well. She looked worriedly at Derek for a second, and then a muscle twitched in her face, marking out some kind of buried pain. And then there was the slightest hint of a nod.

Derek flung his arms around Addy and hugged her tightly. For a moment they hung onto each other and although inside me jealousy rose, like a monster rearing its ugly head, I swallowed it. For regardless of the marriage, regardless of the adultery, regardless of the divorce, we had been friends before them, and we could be friends after them. And Derek, like us all, had had to face up to the fact that Addison could have died that day at the shopping mall. And that erased all grudges and past history.

_  
Some people search for a fountain  
That promises forever young  
Some people need three dozen roses  
And that's the only way to prove you love them_

When finally Derek pulled away from Addison, Addy had tears running down her face. I knew how important this was to her, that Derek had forgiven her, that they could go back to being friends again, like they were so long ago when Addy and I were dating. And in that moment, looking into Addy's wet blue eyes, I knew that she needed Derek just as much as she needed me. I knew she needed Derek to reassure her that her marriage had not been a total failure, that she had not entirely wasted that chapter of her life. She needed Derek to be happy so she didn't feel that she had broken him. And finally, she needed Derek to accept her and me before it could work. She looked at me with such an expression of bizarre, twisted joy on her face that I couldn't help grinning like an idiot. And then Derek took a step towards me. We stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, and then I bit the words we both could have said and pulled Derek into a rough hug, clapping him on the back.

"Congratulations, Mark." He said, and I'd known him long enough to tell that he meant it. I smiled and when we pulled back the looks of relief on everyone's face was almost comical. Then Izzie got something out of the fridge.

"I baked cupcakes!" she said, and Addy and I burst out laughing.

_  
Hand me the world on a silver platter  
And what good would it be  
With no one to share  
With no one who truly cares for me _

We decided not to go into Seattle Grace that day, but wait for tomorrow. We unpacked everything and ate our way through Izzie's cooking, whilst everyone else came in and out depending on their shifts at the hospital. That evening we sat in Meredith's living room, all of us, Callie and George, Izzie and Alex, Meredith and Derek, me and Addison. We were drinking, all of us except for Addison, anyway, and just talking and listening. Mostly Addison talking about the bomb. I could see the pain in her eyes when she mentioned Frankie Rogers' name, and when she recalled the work at the scene of the bombing. But she managed to tell the whole story, keeping her eyes focused on something just above Meredith's head, holding my hand tightly. At the end, she smiled.

"But I'm ok, and baby's ok, and so everything's gonna be ok." She said, and looked at me for reassurance. I nodded at her lightly.

"God, it must have been terrible." Izzie said, her eyes wide.

Addison nodded honestly. "Frankly, I was scared shitless." She said, and then forced a smile.

"Anyway, what's been going on at Seattle Grace?" I asked, keen to change the subject. "Something massive must have happened. Or are the gossip mills boring when we're not here?"

Meredith chuckled lightly, "No, everything's pretty much settled here at the moment. There's a bunch of new interns-" said with a wary glance at George "-and one of them is my estranged half sister, Lexie. Burke left, don't know where he's gone, but Cristina's on her own now."

"I shouldn't mention it to her." Alex said darkly, and I chuckled lightly. But I felt sorry for Cristina Yang. She would struggle to find someone who understood her, and I had thought Burke was that person. We all did.

"Where is she tonight, anyway?" George asked.

Meredith looked guilty. "I had to chuck her out of her room for the week for Mark and Addison." She said sheepishly.

"Oh God. Sorry." Addison said, "We can always get a hotel room or something, Derek, I didn't want to-"

"Shush, Addison." Meredith said, "It's fine. It will do Cristina good to get back into that old apartment and see that she needs to start moving on."

Meredith Grey had changed, a lot.

"Are you sure?" I said, "Because we really don't mind hotels."

"I'm not even going to listen, Mark." She said. "You're staying here. You're our friends, and you came back to stay. We put you up. That's what friends do. Cristina has her own place. She'll be fine."

As if she'd heard mention of her name, the door opened and Cristina walked in, carrying a bottle of tequila.

"Mer, I brought-" she was cut off when she saw Addy and I.

_  
Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby_

"Oh, crap." She said, and when Meredith gave her a cutting stare, she swallowed. "McSteamy, McSatan." She said, nodding at both of us. Addison laughed. "Yang." She said, smiling, "How are you?"

"I've been better." Cristina said dryly, and then put the tequila on the table, sinking into the sofa in between Meredith and George. "You all right, Dr Montgomery?" she asked, and Addison nodded.

"Call me Addison, please. I'm not your boss anymore."

"But you might be soon." Derek said. "I want both of you back when I head up my surgical team, you hear me?"

"We're thinking about it." I said, trying to stop Derek from pestering us both. If it was left up to me, I would go back to Seattle. But I would go with whatever Addy wanted, and whatever we decided together was best for our baby. **Our baby. **It still sounded alien to me.

"I'll be about to give birth in the fall, Derek." Addison said, "I won't be able to be part of your team for a while."

"That's fine." Derek said, "I just want the two of you back in Seattle for when I have to run this hospital." He looked at us, and for a moment it was like we were in college again, Addy and Derek and Mark, before everything. "I need you two."

He was looking at me, and I knew he was saying so much more with that stare. And I understood him. Because we were brothers. We were best friends. For our whole lives neither of us had been closer to anyone else. Until Addison came along. I smiled back at him.

"Not to mention the overly large salary you'll get paid, being one of the top surgery team." Alex said dryly, and I laughed a little.

"Yeah, that's a factor." I said, and smiled at Addy. She looked at me uncertainly, and I noticed for the first time she was looking paler than usual and as she lifted her glass of water her hand was shaking.

"Are you ok?" I asked. She nodded.

"Just a little tired, that's all." She said. Then she looked around. "Actually, I think I'm going to go to bed." She said, trying to force a smile. "I'm exhausted."

"Right." Meredith said, "See you in the morning, Addison. First bedroom on your left."

"See you, Addison."

"Do you want me to-" I asked, worried about her pasty face and the way she stood onto unsteady legs.

"No, Mark, I'm not a baby." She snapped, and walked out of the room.

_  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, you, you_

I sighed. That stung. I was just trying to help.

"Hormones." George said definitely, and Derek snorted with laughter.

"What would you know about hormones, O'Malley?" he asked, and George shrugged, blushing.

I didn't drink anymore, just sat listening to Derek and Izzie talking about a massive neuro patient they had surgery on next week. Alex, Meredith and Cristina were arguing over their new specialties, and Callie and George were in quiet conversation about something – probably marital. I just waited for about twenty minutes and then got up.

"I need to get some sleep." I said, "I'm still a bit jetlagged."

"Sure." Meredith said. "First bedroom on your left."

I walked towards the door.

"Oh, Mark." Derek said, "If she's up to it, there's a massive surgery tomorrow morning, I've got a baby with a brain tumour being C-sections. We've got a OBGYN resident who's happy to do the C-section, and I was gonna do the tumour. But I'd feel much better with Addy in the surgery."

I smiled. "I'll tell her."

"Only if she's feeling up to it." Derek said.

I left the room.

_  
Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby_

She was curled up in bed in the foetal position, wearing her pink silky pyjamas and her hair in two bunches. She looked like she did when I used to wake up next to her during our thing in college. Peaceful, and beautiful. I stripped out of my jeans and shirt and climbed into bed beside her. I leant over and kissed her on the cheek. She opened one eye.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." She said. "I'm sorry, Mark. I didn't mean to snap at you."

I kissed her nose lightly, thinking how adorable she was when she was guilty. "S'ok. It's the hormones."

"Yeah." She said, "But I shouldn't have. I guess I'm just getting frustrated that I'm not going to be able to work properly and things until the baby's born, and it will all be worth it then, but right now I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl and I don't know it or anything and I'm scared that I won't be able to do what's best for it, Mark…"

What had started off as a gentle apology had turned into a rush of fear, and of worry, for our child, and for her abilities as a mother.

I smiled at her and kissed her gently. "You," I said, "are going to be a great mother. And you're gonna get frustrated when you get really really big and you can't do anything at all but it doesn't matter cos in 7 months we're going to have a little baby to hold onto and we're going to love it so much that it will never be able to find anyone who loves it that much."

Addison smiled weakly at me and brought her arms around me. I could feel the curve of her stomach pressing against me, and I smiled. Between us, we were holding our baby.

_  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, yeah_

We laid in silence for a long time. Then Addison spoke.

"Mark, I did a surgery once, when I was still an intern, where the oxygen supply got cut off and they were both flatlining the only way to save the baby was to cut of the oxygen supply for her, which would kill the mother. We asked the woman's husband but he wanted to save the woman, so we had to let the baby die. I had to stand there, elbow deep in uterus and ask this man whether he wanted to choose his wife's life or his child's. And so the baby died. And the woman made a full recovery and woke up and when we told her her baby had died, she didn't want to live any more. She couldn't even bear to look at her husband because he had made that choice."

I nodded, seeing the pain it caused her to remember it.

"I want you to promise me that if that happens to me, you will let the baby live."

I was shocked. The thought of it was too terrible to even imagine. The thought of Addy lying open on a table, and someone asking me to make that choice – I couldn't think about it.

"That won't happen to you, Addison."

"Just promise, Mark. If it did. These things happen."

"I don't think I could, Addy. I couldn't let you die."

She looked at me with wide, tearful eyes. "Please, Mark. I wouldn't want to live without the baby."

I looked at her and knew that if that was what she wanted I would do anything for her. "OK." I said, with a deep sigh. "I promise."

And she leant forwards and kissed me, slowly and softly.

In no time, I felt her hands travelling over my torso, and my lips were moving down her neck. She rolled on top of me. She was smiling.

"Is it weird to have sex in your ex-husband and his dirty mistress' house?" I whispered. She giggled lightly and kissed me breathlessly.

"Be quiet." She said, and silenced me with more kisses.

_  
If I ain't got you with me baby  
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing  
If I ain't got you with me baby_

**Sorry it was so long in coming, I had writer's block and then I've been so busy. Hope you liked it. There was quite a lot of filler in there but I wanted to sort out the Derek/Mark/Addison relationship thing and take them back to Seattle. Also a little bit of snappy and worried Addison coming through at the end. Anyway, please leave me a review and I'll try to write the next chapter and get it up a bit sooner.**

**xgreyslostwhox**


	16. By Your Side: Addison's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Again, I know it took a long time, but I've been very busy lately and I've been struggling to make sure that this story is all about quality. So sometimes I get writer's block and just don't have anything Maddison in my head to write for a while. And, although I promised I wouldn't, I started another Maddison fic before I finished this one – Sometimes It's All You Need – (check it out) and this one kind of fell by the side.**

**But, enough rambling. Here's an update.**

Chapter Sixteen – By Your Side (Addison's POV)

I leant into the door, pushing it open, feeling my hands drying in the air. Derek was already stood in the OR, pacing and ready to go. The woman laid on the table had fear in her eyes. Alex Karev and Izzie Stevens were hovering together behind her. The fourth year OBGYN resident, Catherine Lawson, was pale and grim faced. I smiled at her.

"Ever done anything like this before?" I asked quietly, as the anaesthetist put the patient under. She shook her head, swallowing hard. I tried to smile reassuringly, but truthfully my adrenalin was racing. Babies with tumours were my worst nightmares. They often involved complications in the C-section, and the operations afterwards were rarely a success.

Catherine Lawson looked across at the scalpel, her eyes suddenly wide.

"We're ready to go, Dr Lawson." Derek said, eyes darting between his CT machines, the heart monitor and the foetal heart monitor. "How quick can you go?"

Catherine looked terrified. I stepped forward. "I'll do it, Derek." I said, "There surgeries are highly complex and ought to be observed before being performed." The grateful look on the resident's face was all I needed. I took the scalpel and made the first cut.

_You think I'd leave your side baby?  
You know me better than that  
You think I'd leave you down _

_When you're down on your knees?_

It was a mess in there, when I got into the uterus. The tumour on the baby boy's head was worse than the scans had shown and there were other complications, with the placenta connection and with the cervix. I could feel my heart thudding, ever second reminding me how fragile the tiny spark of life inside me was, how much was at stake. My fingers worked quickly, trying to repair the damage within the womb. Derek was pacing, checking the clock, and I knew he needed to get the tumour out as soon as possible. But I couldn't go any faster…

"Dr Montgomery, the foetal heart rate." Alex Karev said, and I looked up momentarily to check the monitor. It was dangerously low. I took a deep breath and returned to the surgery. I could almost feel time pressing down on me, a dead weight.

Then I had him clear, and I turned to Catherine Lawson. "Close her up." I said sharply, and lifted the baby in my arms across to the other table. Derek was there, and ready.

I could feel emotion rising in me as we anaesthetised and Derek opened up, cutting a piece out of the tiny, fragile skull. I couldn't let this happen, not now, not in here. I had to fight it. I had to hold out, hold onto to the one thing in the world I was really, truly good at. Surgery. But I could feel the nausea in the pit of my stomach and part of me wanted to run, run out, throw up, and cling to Mark, begging for the anguish and the worry to stop, begging to go back to the Addison I was before the alien being invaded my womb and the alien emotions invaded my mind. Mark. Where was he? I needed him. I was almost ashamed of how much I had come to rely on his smiling face for reassurance these past weeks. Mark. My Mark. I looked up to the familiar gallery.

He was sat on the edge of his seat, surrounded by interns and students. His eyes were fixed intently on me, and when he saw me looking at him he smiled. _You're all right, Addy. _I could almost hear his voice in my head. The nausea sunk, the emotions burrowed away into the depths of my brain. Derek spoke.

"Addison, I need your help."

_I wouldn't do that  
I'll do you right when you're wrong  
I - ohhh, ohhh  
If only you could see into me_

His well trained, 2 million dollar hands were large and fumbling inside a tiny baby skull. That's the thing with neonatal surgery. It's a thousand times more delicate and difficult to handle than anything else. He didn't need to say anything, I could tell from the flicker of his eyes that he needed my hands. I slid a finger in, gently holding some tissue out of the way. Derek worked like lightning with the scalpel, severing the tumour, tiny in reality, but huge compared to the tiny baby, and he lifted it clear in his hands.

"Dr Montgomery, the foetal heart rate." Alex said again, and my eyes darted to the monitor. We were descending, and fast.

"You done?" I said to Derek. He nodded grimly, and set about closing up. I watched the monitor, my own heart racing. It would be the worst thing, to lose the baby now, after the bulk of the surgery was successful. But it happened, and part of being a surgeon is being ready for anything.

Derek took a deep breath. The heart beat was fading to nothing.

"Get ready." I said to Alex. He took a step closer to the table. I still had my fingers holding the baby's head in my hand, supporting the dead weight. Then Derek stepped back.

"I'm done." He said. The heart beat was dangerously low. I could feel Mark's eyes following my every move, and suddenly it was like I couldn't breathe. The air in my trachea seemed to stop. I tried to push it down, thinking that it was just the emotions rising again.

"What do we need to do, Dr Montgomery?" Alex said, and my head was spinning, blackness closing in. I swallowed hard, forcing it down. I needed to speak, needed to tell Alex to… to push…

_  
Oh, when you're cold  
I'll be there to hold you tight to me  
When you're on the outside baby _

_And you can't get in _

I could see people flitting around me out of the corners of my eyes, but my vision was full of blackness. I could hear Derek's voice, full of bitterness, saying: "Karev, push 20mg." And the stutter of Alex's arguments, and then Derek, his voice cold.

"You can't do anything. Do your job."

I could hear Izzie Stevens above my head: "Addison? Addison, can you hear me?"

I wanted to respond, but nothing seemed to move. I was floating on something, and everything seemed distant and unimportant. Until I heard the next voice.

"Call it, Karev." It was the voice of Catherine Lawson, "Call it."

"One last time!" I could hear the anguish in his voice, and immediately I knew the little boy had slipped away from us. My heart thumped in my ears.

"Come on!"

"Addison, say something! Can you hear me?"

"Call it, Karev!"

"Dr Lawson, get the patient to recovery."

"Time of death: 12:07."

"Addison? Can you hear me?"

"What's happened to her?"

"Can you get a bed in here?"

Then the sound of doors slamming open and closed, and a sweet, familiar voice.

"What the hell happened?"

"Calm down, Mark. We don't know. She just collapsed. We're getting her out of here right now and down to the ER."

"Addy? Addy, can you hear me?"

His hands were on my face, I could feel them.

I was being lifted onto a bed, I could feel everything, and I could hear them all, but I could see nothing but black and no part of me would move. My heart ached, as I thought of my baby. My poor little…

"Addy, it's ok. I'm here…"

I could feel his hot lips on my forehead.

"Take her to CT." Derek said.

"Did she seize?" Mark said, his voice panicky. I had never heard him like that before.

"I don't think so. She was about to try to resuscitate for the baby when she just fell. We'll get scans as quickly as possible."

"Make sure you do a gynae scan too – check her blood sugar levels – check her heart rate-"

"Mark." I heard Derek say. "We're all doctors here. We know what we're doing."

"I know." He said, and I couldn't see him, but I could imagine him catching Derek's arm. "That's my girl, Derek."

I could imagine Derek patting his hand over Mark's. "I know. I know."

And then the sounds ended, and the blackness thickened.

_  
I will show you, _

_You're so much better _

_Than you know  
When you're lost, _

_When you're alone _

_and you can't get back again _

My eyes drifted open, and I was staring the ceiling. For a moment I had no idea where I was. I sat bolt upright, thinking I was still in the OR. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, pushing me back down.

My eyes focused on Meredith Grey.

"Addison." She said weakly, and I could tell she had been crying. God, my head hurt. And my stomach hurt. My stomach. The weight on my heart increased.

"My…my baby?" I asked, choking out the words. Meredith's eyes filled up and she smiled at me.

"It's ok, Addison, everything's ok. Your blood pressure dropped, that was all. You're going to be ok." She grinned. "Mark, however – he's a wreck, Addison, you would have thought you were dying or something."

"Where is he?" I croaked.

"Derek made him go and get a coffee. God, you gave us all a bit of a scare, though. Everyone was set to do CTs and everything." She smiled, somehow falsely. "But Alex Karev just checked your stats and gave the baby a quick scan and everything was fine."

Alex Karev. I was mortified. He had given me an examination. This was why you should never have problems at the hospital you worked. You should go across the state to be ill.

"You know what I'm going to say, don't you, Addison?" Meredith said. I flicked my attention back to her.

"That this proves to me that I need to rest and not work until the baby is born?" I scowled. "What the hell will I do all day?"

"I dunno." Meredith said, "Read, watch TV. I have cable, you know."

I smiled. "Gee, thanks." I said. "What about when I get back to Chicago?"

"I don't know, Addison. But you of all people know that I'm right."

I nodded. The number of women I had told to be careful and take everything carefully and slowly during their pregnancy I could not count. It was ridiculous.

"All right." I said, and Meredith smiled. My brain was slowly ticking back into gear, though. If I was fine, why had Meredith been crying? I was about to ask her, but suddenly Mark rushed through the door.

_I will find you darling _

_I'll bring you home  
If you want to cry  
I am here to dry your eyes  
and in no time you'll be fine_

"Addy!" he said, thrusting his coffee into Meredith's hands and throwing his arms around me. He lifted me slightly off the pillows and held me tightly to him, rocking me slightly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Meredith's awkward smile, and she left the room, running a hand through her hair, sipping Mark's coffee.

"Mark…" I said as he held me tightly. "It's all right, I'm ok."

He drew back and sat on the edge of my bed. I sunk back into my pillows, holding my breath as I looked into his worried eyes. God, I loved him. And I could see there how much he loved me too.

"You have to stop doing this, Addy." He said, "Scaring me like this."

I smiled weakly. "I'm ok, Mark, and the baby's fine too. It's gonna be ok."

He nodded. "Yeah, it is. But you know you can't keep working."

"Meredith told me."

"You do understand, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Mark, I'm the OBGYN here. I know what I need to do to take care of this baby."  
He smiled.

"Well, I'm not exactly much use to anyone in the OR at the moment anyway, am I?" I said, and then sighed, "We lost that baby, didn't we?"

He nodded sadly, and then held my hand. "I know it hurts, Addy, but you can't save them all, you know."

I nodded slowly. Surprisingly, the loss of this baby wasn't hurting as much as I thought it would. Mark rubbed little circles on my palm.

"You did your best." He said simply, and just him being there, just holding my hand, that let me know that I was all right.

_You think I'd leave your side baby  
You know me better than that  
You think I'd leave you down _

_when you're down on your knees_

They let me out of the hospital within a few hours and Mark took me straight home. He snuggled me down on the sofa in Meredith's house with a movie – Titanic – and a blanket. He kissed my forehead gently and left with a whisper: "I love you."

The day passed slowly, alone and bored, and the next, and the next. And before we knew it it was time to go back to Chicago. I packed everything up into my case and looked around my little room in Meredith's house, slightly disconcerted to be leaving Seattle – again. Even though it did always rain and I hated it. I took one last look around Seattle Grace with Mark, and then it was time to make our goodbyes.

Miranda Bailey hugged me tightly.

"You take care of yourself, Addison Montgomery, you hear?" she said, and I smiled. Then she patted my tiny bump.

"And you in there, you be good!" she said and I laughed. Richard Webber wished us both the best of luck and implored us to come back to be on Derek's surgical team.

_I wouldn't do that  
I'll do you right when you're wrong  
I - I, ohhhh, ohhh  
If only you could see into me _

Saying goodbye to Callie was hard. She hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear: "Good luck, Addison. I'll see you soon."

I smiled at her, and then she shook Mark's hand tightly, with a hard: "Take care of her."

Mark just smiled and slid his arm around my waist with a resounding. "Of course."

And I knew he would.

Then there was O'Malley, and Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev, and Cristina Yang with her: "Bye, McSatan." And a bored grin. And then Meredith and Derek drove us to the airport and helped us up to the boarding gate with our bags. Then I set down my handbag and looked at Derek. He smiled at me, and we hugged, and my heart felt a little lighter, knowing that we were parting on good terms, and it was possible for us to be friends now. Mark hugged Meredith and said something about dirty mistresses which I supposed was some huge in-joke that I could never hope to understand. And they deserved their private jokes, from their time of desertion, where Derek and I had forced ourselves to stay in a crumbling marriage. Then I looked at Meredith.

"See you, Addison." She said, and I said, "Bye, Mer."

We hugged tightly and the awkwardness, although it lingered a little, seemed to lessen. Nothing would ever erase the fact that she was the one that stole my husband away from me, and that I came back to break her heart, but every single time we hugged, spoke, pretended that everything was normal – well, it got a little more normal.

Oh when you're cold  
I'll be there  
To hold you tight to me  
Oh when you're alone  
I'll be there by your side baby 

Mark and Derek eyed each other for a moment, and then hugged, like they used to. That made me feel warm inside. To know that what I had done to separate them had finally been undone and things could start to slip back to like they once were – that made me feel much, much better.

"Look, I meant it when I said I want you in my surgical team, ok?" Derek said, and Mark's face hardened.

"Derek, I said we'd talk about it. Ok? We need to decide what's best for our baby."

I smiled at him. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to come back, I know he did. But he didn't want to let anyone know he was on anyone's side but mine. I squeezed his hand tightly.

"Mark, it's ok." I said gently and then I turned to Derek. "Derek, we'd be delighted to be part of your surgical team again." I said, throwing the others a sunshiny smile and then turning my face to Mark. He grinned at me, and I thought, as I had so often these past months, how right we were for each other. How we just _worked _together. We knew each other so well. He brought his lips to mine and planted one on me in front of them all, and I could only describe it as a 'movie star kiss'. When we pulled away, Derek was looking at us with distaste.

"Well, that's still weird." He said, and we all laughed. And then Mark and I were walking away again, but this time it wasn't for long…

_  
You think I'd leave your side baby  
You know me better than that  
You think I'd leave you down _

_when your down on your kness  
I wouldn't do that  
I'll do you right when your wrong  
I - I, ohhhh, ohhh_

_  
If only you could see into me  
Oh when your cold  
I'll be there  
To hold you tight to me  
Oh when your alone  
I'll be there by your side baby _

**Sorry it hasn't been updated in like years, but I got really really busy and then WRITER'S BLOCK came and OMG, I missed this fic. Please review, this one's like my baby…**

**xxx**_  
_


	17. Gone Too Soon: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Here, then, is another chapter. This one's the beginning of a bit of a sad marathon. Sorry n all that. Luv u guys!!!**

Chapter Seventeen – Gone Too Soon (Mark's POV)

A summer of surgeries and a perfectly normal pregnancy came and went, and far too soon it seemed we had our farewell party with the doctors at CCH. They had a little dance, just like they had at Prom at SGH back all that time ago, when Derek had been trying to stick something broken back together with Addison, and Meredith had been with McVet. I had to wear a tux, and all the women wore beautiful long dresses and looked radiant. But none of them as radiant as Addy, six months worth of bump underneath the beautiful red maternity dress I'd bought her for the occasion. We danced a little and then sat around talking, Addy, Tammy and Kayleigh preparing for their separation, gossiping like teenagers about the ins and outs of Chicago Central, and Addy promising to call them with the news from Seattle.

And then it happened, like a flash, like a sudden knife in my heart, Addison clutched her stomach and looked up at me with fear in her eyes.

"Mark…" she breathed and I reached out and took her hand, "The baby's coming…"

That was when she passed out.

_Like a comet  
Blazing 'cross the evening sky  
Gone too soon _

I carried her across the hospital. Robert Harvey was already on the phone getting the OBGYN down from Illinois Central. We got Addy into an exam room, dressed in a nightgown, in between bouts of consciousness and crying, and blackouts. I was numb. I seemed to be able to say and do nothing that could help. I watched the Obstetrics residents flit around her, making her comfortable and monitoring the contractions she was beginning to have. I held Addy's hand tightly, soothed her when she cried, but all I could really think in my head was how it was **too early**. Nothing good could come of it.

Within half an hour the OB from ICH was there, taking readings and talking in hushed voices to Robert Harvey, like I was any patients husband who had to be shielded from the truth. It took me at least ten minutes to draw myself away from Addy's bedside and walk outside with Dr Harvey, finally beginning to make sense of my thoughts.

"Talk to me." I said, and was shocked my how hoarse my voice sounded. I was a doctor, I knew the subtle signs we all gave when things weren't looking up. And to give Harvey his credit, he was very good at hiding his fear. But it takes a liar to know a liar, and I saw straight through his encouraging face.

"Addison's gone into labour, Mark. There's nothing that can be done to stop it."

"But she's only six months…"

"I know. You know as well as I do that something when older women have pregnancies their term can be shortened…"

I gritted my teeth. It had never crossed my mind since we'd gotten pregnant that in all that time we'd messed around, with her marriage to Derek, with our stupid fights and our stupid, 'no commitment' affairs, that Addy's biological clock had been ticking and wherever she was now she was in danger in her pregnancy. And I'd thought we had all the time in the world.

"Are there any complications with the baby you know of?" I asked, clenching and unclenching my fists nervously. I couldn't lose my child. I couldn't…

"Mark, we're talking a preemie, and a little baby at that judging by the size of Addison. In the early stages of labour there's nothing we can tell. You know that."

Of course I knew that. But for once I didn't want to be the one who knew. I wanted to be the one who stood their when a midwife came running out, telling me I had a happy, healthy son or daughter. I wanted to cry, but I knew Addy had to look at me and see strength, solildarity. I excused myself from Harvey and went back in.__

Like a rainbow  
Fading in the twinkling of an eye  
Gone too soon 

Addison was drenched in sweat, murmuring things feverishly under her breath. The OB from IBH was grim faced as he monitored the baby's heartbeat. That hollow noise that represented a life. A child. I was overwhelmed by emotions I wasn't even sure if I should feel. I took Addy's hand as she strained and cried, and for the first time since I was a child and Derek and I had sat at the hospital whilst his father was dying, I prayed.

_Please God, don't let my baby die._

_Please God, don't let Addy have any more pain._

_Please God, let me seize this last chance to do right by her._

_Please God, don't leave me alone._

I haven't been to church since I was seven. I haven't known what to believe in for most of my life. But at that moment, it seemed to be the only thing I could **do. **Because I have never been one to sit there and let life happen to me.

_Please God, I'll do anything. Save Addy and the baby._

_Anything._

But I got no answer. So I held Addison's gaze with mine, hoping she couldn't read the fear I was feeling.__

Shiny and sparkly  
And splendidly bright  
Here one day  
Gone one night  


I have very little recollection of the next hours, hours filled with pain and fear and that sterile hospital, suddenly the biggest house of dangers I could imagine.

David Aaron Montgomery-Sloane was born at 5:53 in the morning on September 4th.

He weighed 2lb 1.

They rushed him to the NICU straight away, and Addison was sedated so she could recover from her labour. They left me standing outside her room, numb. Unable to speak for fear someone might give me an answer I didn't want to hear. I sat beside Kayleigh Stanford and Tammy Jacobs and wondered why none of us could say anything to comfort the others, when we spent our lives comforting patients and their families. At 6:00 in the morning the OB came round the corner, his face set in a stern line.

"Dr Sloane?"

I stood up. "How is he?"

He looked hard at me. "He's in a critical condition at the moment. His lungs and heart are both too small to function on their own."

I said nothing.

"The next hours and days will be critical, Dr Sloane. But if you'd like to see him…"

"Please." I said, and for a moment my voice sounded like that of a boy's, being told his grandfather had died.

The OB led me to the NICU, and over to David's incubator. He was tiny, his little fingers hardly even there. His eyes were closed, and you could see the purple tracery of veins on his eyelids, and under all his skin. He was hooked up to so many wires, I could hardly see him. I didn't want to tear my eyes away from him for fear he would disappear if I did. I snaked a finger into the hole of the incubator, and touched his little hand lightly. Immediately his grasp reflex sprung into action, but it almost reduced me to tears to see how pathetic and difficult his attempt to clutch my finger was. He seemed to give up trying after a few attempts. I heard the door open as the OB left me alone with my son.

"Hi, Davy." I whispered, as if too much of a loud noise would hurt him. "Daddy's here."

I remembered Evie as a newborn baby, laid, bigger and blonde already, in her mother's arms when I first saw her. I realised I hadnt appreciated how healthy she was enough. I hadn't appreciated how dangerous life could start. I had been young, and carefree. I never expected anything to go wrong.

My son's eyes flickered a little, and for a second he was looking at me, big blue eyes like Addy's gazing up at me as if to say hello.

"Mummy and Daddy love you so much, Davy." I murmured, and those eyes shut again. Even that tiny movement seemed so hard it would break him.

_  
Like the loss of sunlight  
On a cloudy afternoon  
Gone too soon  
_

I don't know how long I stood there for, but I know it was hours. And when Addison came in she looked as though her sleep had done nothing but make her more tired. I stepped back from David slightly so she could slide her own finger in to hold his hand. Then I put an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She stiffened, and I watched a tear fall from her eye onto the top of the incubator.

"It's ok, David Aaron…" she whispered in a voice quite unlike her own. "Mummy's got you now."

I had nothing to say to her. Nothing left to say. I wouldn't take my eyes off my son, and I held his mother upright in my arms. But no words could convey anything I wanted to say at that moment. So we stood in silence, waiting.

_  
Like a castle  
Built upon a sandy beach  
Gone too soon _

At 23:26, at night, I heard the dreaded beep that meant my son was crashing. I turned to Addy, who was stirring in the chair I'd put for her right beside David's bedside, her eyes filling with fear. I buzzed for the OB, and within seconds he was there with Richard Harvey and a team of interns. I tried to reach for Addy, but she was standing in the doorway, supported by Tammy, staring blankly ahead, and something in her eyes scared me. She looked half dead. Kayleigh came over to me, gingerly.

"Mark, we should wait outside." She said, "Tammy and Addy have gone."

"I want to stay with my son." I said pointedly, and then I felt sorry for the poor resident in front of me. She had done nothing wrong, and Harvey had probably asked her to get me out of the way.

"Please, Mark…" she said, and I could see the tears in her eyes, and for a moment I wanted to scream at her. **It's not your son who's dying!**

**Dying. **I hadnt even meant to think the word. I stopped in my tracks, the tears that were choking my throat falling back down into the emptiness inside of me. I couldn't think straight. I followed Kayleigh out without another word.__

Like a perfect flower  
That is just beyond your reach  
Gone too soon 

Addy wouldn't look at me as we sat across from each other in the waiting room. Tammy held her hand and Kayleigh and gone back in to help. I sat, feeling so alone it physically hurt.

At 00:54 Kayleigh came out with tears in her eyes. She didn't say anything for a long minute, and then she spoke.

"There is nothing more we can do. If you want to come in and say goodbye…"

Everything seemed to be moving so fast around me. Just twenty four hours ago Addy was in labour. I could hardly think as I walked into the NICU. I watched the feeble heartbeat leave those readings on the screen. Addy and I stood one side of the bed each. Tears ran shivering off her face but I couldn't cry. I was cold inside. I tried to meet Addy's gaze but she just looked away, a mixture of blame and shame in her eyes. I held David's hand and Addy held the other. Then I spoke.__

Born to amuse  
To inspire to delight  
Here one day  
Gone one night  


"Davy, I love you." I said, "And I will love you forever. And I would have bought you Yankees jumpers and little baby romper suits and taught you to kick a ball around in a backyard in Seattle, where we were going to live. You would have gone to school and at weekends sometimes we could have gone down to stay with your big sister in Iowa, Evie. And you could have been wonderful someday, and done whatever you wanted to, and made us so so proud. But we love you, David."

Addy looked up at me through her tears and gave me a little smile. "David Aaron Montgomery-Sloane." She said, taking a deep breath, "I love you so much it hurts. I had another baby once, and I did the wrong thing, and I so much wanted to do the right thing for you… I love you, David, I love you…" she broke off into sobs, shaking. I reached out and steadied her shoulder with my free hand. Together we watched the heartbeat peter out into nothing, hollow and empty.

_  
Like a sunset  
Dying with the rising of the moon  
Gone too soon  
Gone too soon__  
_

David Aaron Montgomery Sloane passed away at 1:02am on the 5th of September, aged 19 hours and 9 minutes.

**Sorry if it was brief, it was a hard chapter for me to write. **

**Please review.**

**x**


	18. Without You: Addison's POV

PICKING UP THE PIECES

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Sorry about the sadness of the previous chapter. Unfortunately, this is going to be an angsty one as well!!**

**Song is the awesome Without You, from RENT!! (Which I love – a lot)**

Chapter Eighteen - Without You (Addison's POV)

They tell you it gets easier. They promise you the pain will dull a little. Some of them even go so far as to say that you'll begin to forget one day.

Liars, the lot of them. 

Or maybe they're just telling themselves that so they don't have to imagine the pain you're feeling. I don't know. I don't know anything much anymore. The weeks that followed Davy's death, I did nothing in. CCH had already given me their leaving party, and I couldn't get out of bed long enough to get to Seattle. Miranda had phoned me once but I'd asked Mark to tell her I was asleep.

Mark. My Mark. We were strangers co-existing in the same bubble of numbness, of grief. Two people unable hardly even able to talk to each other anymore. Mark still worked at Chicago Central, after the initial three days compassionate leave they gave him. He came home at seven every night, and cooked for me. I got out of bed long enough to eat the dinner he made, and then I went to bed. Mark had taken to sleeping on the couch.

_Without You  
The Ground Thaws  
The Rain Falls  
The Grass Grows_

I hadn't asked him to, and he hadn't told me he wanted to. But neither of us could bear to lay together anymore, feeling skin brush against skin. Too much a reminder of everything we had lost. He would come in every morning before he went to work and kiss my forehead, and I would stiffen and pretend to be asleep because I didn't want to have to reciprocate. 

The funeral was two days afterwards. Just Mark and I, Evie, Tammy and Kayleigh, and Robert Harvey. And a minister. He'd said a few things and then asked Mark and I if we wanted to say anything. I couldn't, I choked up and stepped back as Mark stepped forward, and stood over the grave of our little boy.

And when he spoke, I couldn't even cry.

"David Aaron Montgomery Sloane, for nineteen too short hours you were the sole and only joy of my life. For nineteen short hours I watched you and held your hand and prayed that I would be allowed to keep you. But after nineteen short hours someone up there decided you were theirs, not mine. But I will go beyond those nineteen hours loving you, Davy. I will love you forever, and so will your mother. Forever."  
The tears in his eyes made me turn away from him. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Mark. Because he represented the emotions I didn't deserve to feel. And the fact that I could do nothing to comfort him, and he could do nothing to comfort me, that scared me too.

_  
Without You  
The Seeds Root  
The Flowers Bloom  
The Children Play_

After four weeks, I began to get up during the day. I dressed and wandered aimlessly round our Chicago apartment, watching some television (well, if you can call staring blankly at a screen watching) and reading a little. I tried opening an Obstetrics journal, but the first article on premature infants reduced me to a quivering wreck on the floor. 

Two days after that, I went down to the store during the day, bought some food, and cooked for Mark and I that night. We sat, eating in silence, neither of us having any words left. He smiled at me when I put the food on the table, and I could tell that he was thinking I was beginning to get over it – I was beginning to return to normality. I saw his grief, already so well hidden, flicker behind his eyes and I lowered my gaze from him. I couldn't even look at the man who would have been the father of my child anymore.

"Have you thought about what Harvey said, Addy?" he asked gingerly, giving me a nervous glance. Robert Harvey had suggested we get bereavement counselling a few weeks after the loss. I swallowed. I didn't want to answer. I didn't want couples bereavement therapy. I had a sudden, ironic flashback of Derek's and my marriage counselling.

_  
The Stars Gleam  
The poets dream  
The Eagles Fly  
Without You_

"Mark…" I started, and then the words choked in my throat, and the tears welled up in my eyes. I never was one for change. 

He saw me start to cry, and he reached out and took my hand across the table, stroking my palm with his thumb. "Hey." He said, "What is it?"  
I wanted to scream at him them, ask how the hell he could ask that. My son died.

"Mark… I… I think we should take a break." I spat out, hating myself for being the one to say the words. He dropped my hand like it was a hot potato, and the hurt, the empty… grief in his eyes cut me deeper than I'll ever let him know.

"A break from Chicago? We could go down the coast or something…"

I shook my head sadly. "You know what I mean, Mark."

"Addy… we can get through this… we can come out stronger the other side… I'll do anything you need, I promise you it'll be all right."

I just shook my head again. "I can't do this anymore, Mark. I can't sit here with you, not able to say anything because he should have been there with us. I can't have to avoid your eyes because I can't deal with your grief and mine."

Maybe I was being selfish, but somewhere in my mind I knew this would benefit Mark as much as me. He'd get over me, find someone better, someone less…broken. Less dependent. I knew, I could just tell, I would never be the same person again, but in the same way I also knew that Mark would bounce back, even if it took years. And he deserved someone who wouldn't constantly remind him of everything bad in his past. 

He looked at me. "We'll get through it…" he pleaded, and O God, he was breaking my heart. I loved him, I loved him so much, but I didn't think I had the capacity to love anymore. I was broken, and I would never be who I was.

"I love you, Addy…" he murmured, standing up. "I love you. And I loved Davy too… and I can't lose you both…"

I put my head in my hands. I didn't want this, to break him this way. I didn't want this, I swear to God I didn't. But he deserved some sort of future and I couldn't give that to him. He reached out and put a hand on my face, lifting my eyes to his.

"Addison, I know you're scared. I'm feeling what you're feeling. It's ok to be scared. But I love you… and I know you love me too."

_  
The Earth Turns  
The Sun Burns  
But I Die  
Without You_

"I can't love. Not anymore." I said blankly, and hated the sound of my own voice. Hated it. I hated myself in that moment. I want more than anything to just… be someone else. Anyone – hell, I'd even settle for Meredith Grey right now. Mark let his hand drop from my face like I'd burnt him. I couldn't tell him why I wanted him gone, because he'd just assure me that he would never find anyone else and that he loved me more than anything. And I wouldn't have the strength to argue anymore. So I looked at him, my eyes filling.

"I'm ending it, Mark. You and me - we were fine for a careless fling. But we can't go through something like this together. We're not those people. We're not the Dereks and the Merediths of the world, Mark. I can't be with you anymore."

His eyes flashed, anger in them for the first time.

"What happened to the Addison after the bomb, hey? What happened to the Addy I fell in love with back in New York? What happened to her?"

How could he? "My baby died, Mark."

"Our baby." He deadpanned, unable to meet my gaze. I swallowed. "Mark, I packed up my stuff whilst you were at work. I'm going to Tammy's tonight." 

He said nothing, the revelation that I'd planned it hitting him hard. He opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head. "Don't come after me, Mark. Don't call. It's over." My throat hurt. "This time, it's over…"

_  
Without You  
The Breeze Warms  
The Girl Smiles  
The Cloud Moves  
_

I walked through into my room and took the suitcase from where I had put it under our bed – my bed. The flat had already been sold, most of our – my stuff packaged up and ready to go to Seattle – well, that would have to change now. I heaved the suitcase off the bed, my stomach twinging a little, still a tiny bit tender from my painful labour…

The nausea rose in my throat as I dared to think about that taboo subject, that day. I hurried through the hall with my case, and then to the front door. Mark was still sat, dazed, at the kitchen table, as if I wasn't leaving him. As if he was frozen, and the world was just… happening around him.

"Mark…" I started, remembering those years together in college, lying in his arms the night I became an adulteress, the feelings that rushed through me when he came after me to Chicago, feeling his arms around me again after the bombing. Holding his hand throughout the labour, knowing in my heart something was not right. The feeling of almost motherly affection seeing Evie standing there at Davy's funeral, looking so regal in black silk, her hair cropped short, the new craze at art college. I would miss her.

Hell, I would miss Mark. I would miss Mark forever. But he would find someone else, move on, forget me. And at least I would have some small comfort knowing he was happy. Somewhere inside I knew Mark wouldn't forget me that easily, Mark wasn't the man-whore I was pretending he was. But I couldn't think that way anymore. I had planned to leave, and I was stubborn. I was leaving.

_Without You  
The Tides Change  
The Boys Run  
The Oceans Crash_

I shut the door behind me with a final bang. I had failed to say what I wanted to say to him, a last murmured confession that showed that my whole heart hadn't truly been sucked out. I clutched the suitcase firmly, and turned to look at the closed door. "I love you." I murmured, my eyes filling and my legs beginning to shake. And then I started to walk – I started to walk away.

_  
The Crowds Roar  
The Days Soar  
The Babies Cry  
Without You_

Tammy's eyes were wide when she opened the door to see me. She stared, but only for a second, and then she let me through, with my suitcase. 

"Can I-" I started.

"I thought it might come to this." She said sadly, and I didn't even have enough fight left in me to ask why. I had hardly been out, and every time she had been round Mark had been working. But I didn't question. She continued. "I made up the spare bed last week just in case. Go on in."

I dragged the suitcase through, one part of me wishing that she had stopped me at the door and told me to go back, told me to run back to him. But she didn't. I unpacked my things into the plain drawers in the little white room of Tammy's. And I wondered what would become of me. For the first time in nine months, I had absolutely no idea where I would be in a year's time. The whole time I had been pregnant with David, I had always, although I had never been sure of how Mark would feature, I had always seen this laughing little child with me. My eyes stung again, but I wouldn't cry anymore. Not now. 

Not now.

_  
The Moon Glows  
The River Flows  
But I Die  
Without You_

Tammy didn't ask questions that night, or the next, or the next. My lifestyle there was very much the same as it had been at home. I ate what my friend cooked for me, and other than that I slept and stared at television screens, bright with the pictures of a story. A story I couldn't even conprehend anymore. It meant normality, and that had gone. Mark hadn't called. He hadn't turned up. Miranda called every other day, and so did Callie, but alternate days. Maybe it was their idea of being nice, but getting a phonecall every day from Seattle just made me want to cry. Because I imagined how things could have been – if… if Davy had pulled through. We'd be in Seattle now, me, Mark and our son. And Mark would be working at Seattle Grace, and I would probably visited every day by Izzie Stevens and her baking, and Meredith and her awkward words and attempted smiles, and Callie and Miranda and Derek…

I couldn't dwell on the past.

I had to think about the future.

But it was so goddamn hard.

_  
The World Revives  
Colors Renew  
But I Know Blue  
Only Blue  
Lonely Blue  
Within Me, Blue  
Without You_

The weeks passed, and I didn't even notice that my life was wasting away in front of me. That there was nothing in it anymore that made me want to wake up in the morning. Tammy tried to talk to me, almost every day, but I just bluffed her off. I wasn't stupid. I knew she was talking to Mark at work, reassuring him I was ok. I knew Mark well enough to know he wouldn't have just forgotten. He would still be checking up on me in his own little way. And I hated him for it. 

I thought getting out of that relationship would help me start moving on. But in all truth, I just got worse. I was a mess, those months, hardly able to hold a conversation, certainly not able to talk to anyone about my feelings. Robert Harvey tried a new technique to get me counselling, by getting Richard Webber to phone me and offer me a nine week stint in Seattle, and free visits to the SGH shrink. I just laughed. I wasn't even prepared to think about what had happened, let alone talk to some stuffy old woman in a room on a squidgy couch about how I felt. And then one day Tammy came home from the hospital and said Mark had transferred to SGH, and he had left something for me. She handed me a brown envelope, and just his writing, the single word, Addy, on the outside made my breath catch in my throat. But I wasn't strong enough to open it. So I put it under my bed in Tammy's apartment, reassuring myself that it was there, if I ever needed or wanted it.

_  
Without You  
The Hand Gropes  
The Ear Hears  
The Pulse Beats_

And before I knew it, it was Christmas. Tammy didn't mention it ever, but I felt the question of it in the air. One day I came downstairs to get myself some breakfast and there was a Christmas tree in Tammy's hall. I could see it in my friend's eyes, as well. She was scared to mention it to me. Callie kept phoning me, but Miranda's calls slowly stopped, I don't think she was able to talk to me anymore, I was so unresponsive. And then Callie's calls stopped too, she told me she was going through a tough time and right now she was struggling to cope. I didn't even care, which was terrible. I couldn't find room in my heart to hold anyone else's misfortune. At all. I was entirely consumed by my own. 

It did cross my mind that I was no kind of friend if that was how I truly reacted in a crisis. 

Which lead me to thinking of another crisis, and the bombing, and me just… dealing. And that lead me to thinking of Frankie Rogers, and then to wishing it had been me who had died that day. 

That was what I was thinking when I found myself holding the bottle of pills, poised to swallow them all.

_  
Without You  
The Eyes Gaze  
The Legs Walk  
The Lungs Breathe_

Time seemed to stand still, cliché as it was. I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, at the bottle of pills in my hand. I could end it, I knew I could. Thin traces of silver scars up my forearms showed how close I had been to it once, a long long time ago, back in high school. Those were dark times, bullied times, scared times. When I'd thought that nothing good could ever come out of my life. Times I had regretted forever since. 

That was when how low I fallen hit me. I dropped the bottle of pills, my eyes smarting with tears. The little white weapons spilled out over the floor, scattering into some unreadable pattern on the carpet. I cried silently, and without hardly moving. Tears just kept on falling, and I watched myself intently in the mirror, trying to imagine what Tammy would think when she came in and found me there. 

She was livid.

_  
The Mind Churns The Mind Churns  
The Heart Yearns The Heart Yearns  
The Tears Dry  
Without You_

She cried herself, picking up the pills and shoving the whole bottle into the bin. She dragged me away from the mirror and laid me on her bed, anger and sadness in her eyes. And that was the first time it actually occurred to me that was I was doing was actually affecting other people as well as myself. I was breaking Tammy, I was breaking Mark.

Mark…

But he had gone now, and I had given him that out. He would have stayed with me forever, I had absolute faith in that. But I let him go, and I still knew that he deserved more than a broken woman with nothing left going for her for the rest of his life. So I would forget Mark. I had to.

_  
Life Goes On  
But I'm Gone  
Cause I Die  
Without You_

The morning after the pills incident, there was a knock on the door. I just assumed it was Kayleigh, coming to pick Tammy up for work. But ten minutes later someone walked straight into my room. A tall, blonde girl, carrying a cup of coffee for me, familiar sad grey blue eyes piercing into me. She set the coffee down next to me, not breaking eye contact for a second. Then she put a hand on the slight bump in her stomach to ease herself onto the bed next to me, her eyes saying everything.

"Evie?"

_  
Without You  
Without You  
Without You_

**Ooooooh…. The scandal!!**

**Sorry about the sadness of the whole thing. Things are still going to be angsty for a while, but I promised to perk them up a bit soon. And I do write sad stuff, but you all have my solemn promise that this story WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. So there.**

**Reviews are like chocolate… yummy**


	19. Left Outside Alone: Mark's POV

PICKING UP THE PIECES

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Sorry I've taken so long to update, but (if you read the profile or received the update – which has gone out to the people who have me on author alert/favourite, you'll know I'm on 'Semi Permanent Almost Hiatus). I.e, read the profile.**

**Mark's POV now, and we've got some serious angsting and scandal going on atm. Here's a quick recap of the last coupla chapters:**

**- Addison and Mark had a son, very premature, called David. He died when he was nineteen hours old**

**- The grief broke Addison, and she left Mark**

**- She was contemplating suicide, living with Tammy Jacobs and not working anymore**

**- At the end of the last chapter, Evie came into Addison's apartment, pregnant.**

Chapter Nineteen – Left Outside Alone (Mark's POV)

Christmas should never be as lonely as I was that year. It wasn't that I was alone, not quite lonely in that way. I was surrounded by people going out of their way to make me feel better. I was living in Seattle, staying in Meredith's house until I could get a place of my own. So I was living with all of them, Meredith, Karev, Izzie and Derek. And O'Malley sometimes, I guess when he didn't feel like sleeping at home. It would have broken my heart, seeing their new marriage falling to pieces the way I watched Addison and Derek's, if I had cared about anything in those months. I liked Callie Torres, so I pretending I didn't see her red eyes some days at work, I pretended I couldn't hear her crying in the next on-call room. But that was as far as my supportive friendship went. I couldn't deal with anyone else's problems. Derek tried to identify with George, saying how difficult it must have been, having to retake the intern year. _He would. _But all I could see everywhere I looked was dysfunctional relationships, destroyed families, people all alone.

People like me.

_All my life I've been waiting  
For you to bring a fairytale my way  
Been living in a fantasy without meaning  
It's not okay, I don't feel safe  
I don't feel safe... _

It started with days. I would count the days since Davy's death. Then, after Addison… just after Addison, it became weeks. I would count the weeks. It had happened on a Friday. Then, after moving to Seattle, I began counting the months. On the fifth of November, and then on the fifth of December, I got in Meredith's jeep and drove. Just drove all day. (I paid her for petrol). The first time I asked Richard Webber for a day off, he looked at me sadly and said: "Take all the time you need, Mark."

I think that was the first time he used my first name.

I drove to a park somewhere and I parked and I got out, leaning on the bonnet. It started to rain, but I wasn't surprised, so I just stood there, gradually getting myself soaked through, until the hours had passed and it was time for me to be getting back to Meredith's. I couldn't call it home, because it wasn't. Nothing was home anymore. I walked through the door on that day, the fifth of December, dripping wet and shivering, kicked off my shoes and headed up the stairs. My life was a mess.

It was nearing Christmas the day I talked to Izzie Stevens.

"Mark." She said simply. I looked up at her.

_  
Left broken empty in despair  
Want to breathe, can't find air  
Thought you were sent from up above  
But you and me never had love  
So much more I have to say  
Help me find a way  
_

She hadn't really changed much, not at all, I thought every time I looked at her. Still blonde, smiling, shiny-eyed. Happy. I froze under her gaze.

"Mark." She said again, and reached out for me with one hand. I wanted to move back. I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want anyone to touch me. The irony of how much I'd changed over the past two years haunted me slightly.

"Izzie, I-"

"How long has it been now?" she asked, her bright smiled fading into a lighter, more sympathetic one.

"Three months, two weeks and a day." I said simply. There was no question of what she had been talking about. None at all.

This time her grasping hand caught my arm, and she squeezed it slightly.

"I would tell you it gets easier, Mark, but I don't lie."

That was when I remembered. _Denny Duquette. _I closed my eyes for a second, angry with myself that I hadn't remembered. Angry that I hadn't realised.

"Izzie…"

"Shhhhh." She said. "It just gets more distant, Mark. Every day that passes and it gets further away." She smiled slightly, "Until eventually you can begin to look again around you and appreciate what you see."

I could feel the tears welling up again, and I didn't want them to. Not right now.

"Thank you." I managed to get out, hoping that those two simple words would convey even half of the gratitude I felt towards Izzie Stevens in that moment for being a kindred spirit.

"How's Addison?" she asked.

_Deep breath, Mark. Deep breath._

"I don't know." I said, and walked past her into my room. In some bizarre way, Davy had become easier to talk about than Addison. Because for the first month or so, everyone had seen him as a sort-of taboo subject that it wasn't a good idea to breach. But Addison they brought up regularly.

_  
And I wonder if you know  
How it really feels  
To be left outside alone  
When it's cold out here  
Well maybe you should know  
Just how it feels  
To be left outside alone  
To be left outside alone..._

I saw her in my head then, as I had every day for months now. The way she left, as I sat, passive, at our table, staring at my hands. Her face turning to mine, eyes meeting for a millisecond as she closed the door on us forever.

And then I saw her as I wished I could remember her, rosy and round with the pregnancy, smiling at me. Because thinking of that memory, I could be anyone. I could be a father and a partner, not the man who lost his son and the only woman he ever loved. Not the lonely man who would become old and bitter before he even noticed time was passing. Not the man who didn't think he would ever look at another woman again.

I picked up my cellphone.

_One new message. _

Sighing, sinking into my bed, I read it.

FROM: TAMMY

MESSAGE: MARK, CALL ME WEN U GET THIS. WE NEED 2 TLK. TAM XX

My heart started thumping. Had something happened to Addy? Had something gone wrong? Maybe she was coming to Seattle after everything. Maybe…

I wasn't an idiot, and I wasn't delusional. There was no way she was coming back. Addison was stubborn, she didn't go back on her decision, change her mind. I was certain of that.

The ringing sounded like church bells knelling in my son's funeral in my ears.

"Jacobs."

I tell ya..  
All my life I've been waiting  
For you to bring a fairytale my way  
Been living in a fantasy without meaning  
It's not okay, I don't feel safe  
I need to... pray

"Tammy, it's Mark."

Sympathy was suddenly embedded in her voice. "Mark, hey. How's it going?"

"It's ok." I said, though it wasn't, "What's going on?"

A sigh from the other end. "Mark, Addy isn't good…"

"What's happened? Is she ok?"

"It's all right, Mark, she's ok now."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I found her yesterday with a bottle of pills in the bathroom. Standing, just looking at herself in the mirror, deadly still. I didn't know what to do."

My breath caught in my throat. _Addison… _Thinking of her hurting that much… I just couldn't.

"Mark?"

"Tammy. Sorry."

"She dropped them all over the floor. She wasn't going to do it. But I went mad at her, and then she cried all night."

"Where is she now?"

"She's at home. I'm gonna check in on her on my lunch break."

My heart, thumping.

"Is she all right by herself?"

"I'm not stupid, Mark. Someone's with her."

"Who?"

"A….a friend."

"Oh."

Why do you play me like a game?  
Always someone else to blame  
Careless, helpless little man  
Someday you might understand  
There's not much more to say  
But I hope you find a way

Silence fell between us. The broken man and the unwilling carer.

"Has she mentioned me?"

A sigh, barely audible from the other end. "Mark…"

"Just answer me, Tam. I can take it."

"No. But she doesn't mention anyone. She doesn't do anything anymore. I'm worried."

"Me too."

"Mark, I've been offered a transfer to London for a year."

I swallowed.

"I want to go. I need to go, get out of Chicago before I go mad."

"Right."

"I haven't told Addy yet, but if she wants she can stay in my house for that year."

A year. I suddenly realised that I couldn't see to a year away anymore…

"Oh."

"She'll come through, Mark. She's tough, our Addy."

_Our Addy… _There was a time when she was my Addy, but it wasn't now.

"Can you do something for me, Tam?"

"Of course."

"On Christmas Day… tell her I love her. That's all. And that I'll be here, waiting, forever."

There was a long silence, and when Tammy spoke again, her voice was thick with tears.

Still I wonder if you know  
How it really feels  
To be left outside alone  
When it's cold out here  
Well maybe you should know  
Just how it feels  
To be left outside alone  
To be left outside alone

"Mark… you ought to know… she hasn't read the letter…"

"I knew she wouldn't. It's just there for when she needs it."

"Right." I could tell Tammy was trying to hold down her sobs. "And, Mark…"

"Yeah?"

"Neither of you deserved this, you know that?"

I smiled. She was trying to make me feel better, in her backwards way.

"Thanks, Tam. Take care of Addison."

"Of course. Have a good Christmas, Mark."

"You too. Bye."

"Bye."

The dialling tone was thick and painful in my ear.

_  
I tell ya...  
All my life I've been waiting  
For you to bring a fairytale my way  
Been living in a fantasy without meaning  
It's not okay, I don't feel safe  
I need to pray  
_

I threw myself headfirst into work on the run up to Christmas, so much so that Richard Webber forced me to take a day out on Christmas Eve. I sat in Meredith's empty house alone all day. I didn't do anything, there wasn't much to do. I read a few medical journals, wrote up some paperwork on a couple of my patients. Then I sat down and wrote.

_Dear Addison_

_I'm no good at judging how long this will take to get to you, even by first-class airmail, so I don't know whether it's the New Year yet or not. But it doesn't matter, Addy, because what I have to say can wait forever. I don't know if you've read my letter yet. I don't know how long you'll wait to read this one. I just need to let you know that I love you so much. I'll never stop. And although I know it seems impossible to you, I loved Davy as much as you did, and I am hurting as much as you are. And I don't see how we are gonna get through this without each other, but I suppose I'm going to have to try. Tammy's already told you, but I mean it when I say I'll wait for you forever. I'm not the Mark I was two years ago. I'm not the man-whore you slept with, years ago now, when you were still married to Derek. I'm older, more mature. I'm a father. Was a father. _

_And I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery, and that's something that's never going to change._

_Mark_

_  
Oh pray  
(Heavenly father)  
Ohh heavenly father  
(Please, save me)  
Oh save me  
_

I put the letter inside a Christmas card and posted it. I didn't think for one minute she would read it when she got it, but I could only hope she would keep it and read it one day when she was ready. Then I phoned Evie, but it went through to voicemail.

"Evie, honey, it's Dad. I… uh… I guess I'll just wish you a Merry Christmas and hope we can see each other soon, in the New Year. I haven't been the best of fathers to you these last few months, and for that I'm very sorry. I'm holding up as well as is possible, I suppose. I wonder, if you've seen Addison, how she is. Just call or text or something. I miss you, honey. Love you. Bye."

Then I turned Meredith's TV up full blast and stared blankly at four old reruns of Law and Order.

"Mark."

I looked over my shoulder to see Derek stood in the doorway. I said nothing.

"Mark."

"Derek."

"I'm sorry." He said, and I wasn't sure what for, anymore. For Davy, or for Addison, or for the past.

"I'm sorry too."

He sat down beside me on the couch and sunk his head into his hands. "I'm going to ask Meredith to marry me."

"Oh."

"Will…will you be my best man?"

A dry laugh caught in my throat. "What, after how last time ended?"

He chuckled. "I wouldn't have anyone else, Mark."

"Of course I will. When?"

"I'm gonna ask her tomorrow."

It hit me. "Christmas."

"Yeah. Mark, I-"

"It's ok, Derek. This year it's my turn to be alone."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Mark, don't argue. Just listen to me."

_  
And I wonder if you know  
How it really feels  
To be left outside alone  
When it's cold out here  
Well maybe you should know  
Just how it feels  
To be left outside alone  
To be left outside alone  
_

"You may have been the one she loved, but I know Addison as well as you do, just maybe in a different way. I lived with her twenty four hours a day for eleven years. And I know that she loves you really, Mark. She wants you to move on, that's what she's telling herself to justify leaving you. But I think…"

I'd heard enough. "Derek, it's too late. Addy and I have had too many chances, and none of them have worked. It's time to back out gracefully."

Anger flashed in his eyes. "Don't give up on her, Mark. I made that mistake. She doesn't deserve for you to give up on her. And you're a better man than that."

I looked at him. He said nothing more, but got up and left the room.

I lifted the phone, and booked a flight to Chicago.  
_All my life I've been waiting  
For you to bring a fairytale my way  
Been living in a fantasy without meaning  
It's not okay, I don't feel safe  
I need to.. pray_

**I fancy heading towards happiness right now... What do you guys think? Maybe rounding off this story??**

**Lemme know.**

**Love to all**

**x**


	20. A Merry Little Christmas: Addison's POV

PICKING UP THE PIECES

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**Hey guys, I know it's May, but it came to Christmas in the story (which has the most confusifying timeline anyhow), so I had to write it. Also, I'm a sucker for Christmas fluff.**

**Also, a shout-out to Jody, who's left me the loveliest anonymous reviews! (cough leave your email address cough).**

**Reviews have gone a little bit downhill recently, and maybe it's cos I got so angsty, or maybe cos I'm not updating so frequently, or cos this has been going on too long or whatever, but I really DO appreciate all your feedback and although I have a basic idea where this is going, I would welcome any ideas, and any suggestions for Maddison songs as well, would be much appreciated. **

**Thanks.**

Chapter Twenty - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Addison's POV)

Before we knew it, it was Christmas morning. Evie was staying with Tammy and I. It had taken me two days to get it out of her. Every time I asked her about her baby, she just closed off and told me she didn't want to talk about it. But two days after her arrival, I walked in on her crying in the bathroom.

"_Evie!"_

_She looked up at me through tear laced lashes. "Addison. Sorry." She started to stand up and walk out, but I stopped her._

"_Evie, talk to me." Truth be told, seeing her like that, it undid something in me. These past two days, I had dwelt on Davy and Mark less. Worrying about Evie, who I thought of as a kind of surrogate daughter, I had not had time to think about my own losses every waking moment. Most waking moments, but not quite all. _

"_You shouldn't be having to worry about me right now, Addison. I'm being stupid."_

_I practically pushed her to sit on the edge of the bath, and sat down next to her. "I want to help, Evie." I looked at her. "I think… I think I need to."_

_There was a pregnant pause as her eyes scanned my face, as everyone's did these days, searching for the chance that I would just crumble to dust in front of them._

"_He… he doesn't want to know…"_

"_The father?"_

"_Yeah… I made a mistake... Jack and I were drunk…"_

"_Jack? Your ex?"_

_She nodded sadly. "But he still hates me. He says I'm… says I'm a stupid whore and the baby isn't his."_

_She shuddered, and sobs racked her shoulders again. She looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry, Addison. You have bigger things to be worrying about."_

_I put a tentative hand on her shoulder. "It's ok, Evie. Does… does Mark know?"_

_There was a moment of silence whilst we both breathed hard. I'd mentioned his name._

"_No." she said, in a tiny voice. Suddenly she looked so young. "I told Mom. She went mad. She said how stupid could I be, she'd been a teenage mom, hadn't that taught me anything? Karen tried to help, but I… I was so angry. So I left, and came here. I don't want to tell Dad. He'll react in the same way, I just know…"_

_I pulled her into a hug. "It's up to you to tell him when you're ready, Evie."_

_She smiled at me through her tears. "Thanks."_

_I smiled. "It's ok."_

_It wasn't until I walked out of the room that I realised it was the first time I had smiled in weeks._

So Evie stayed with us. And then Tammy told me she was moving to London in the New Year. I was numbed for a second, but I didn't have it in me to scream and cry about everyone always leaving me, like I wanted to inside. So I nodded and agreed, and promised to pay the rent on her apartment for a year.

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light_

So it was Christmas morning. Tammy had decided to invite people round, she said she always did, but I think it was in an attempt to take my mind off the pile of shit that was my life – just for one day. She sent a bulletin out at CCH, inviting people who didn't have anywhere else to go. A gathering of rejects without anyone else, she called it. But it expanded into more than that. Kayleigh was coming, Robert Harvey, his lovely wife June and their two little boys, a couple of nurses Tammy knew from her internship, and poor Frankie Roger's husband. Adam. I know she meant well, but the moment they all came rushing through the door, faces bright with Yuletide cheer, I felt nauseous. All that life, and love around me, and I had no one.

Evie's face mirrored mine for a second. Then Tammy invited them all through. Everyone was milling around, the Harvey boys playing with their presents, and I was sat on Tammy's couch, staring blankly into space. Next to a sort of kindred spirit, Adam Rogers. I'd seen him once before, at Frankie's funeral. He smiled briefly at me when he saw me looking at him, and then returned to staring at his hands. Between us, we were a mess. Minutes passed in silence, but it was the comfortable kind.

_  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight  
_

Just before lunch I went upstairs to gather myself and steel myself for the trial that was going to be Christmas lunch. Evie was sat in my room, staring at the phone.

"Evie?" I asked, "You ok?"

She looked at the phone. "I've never had a Christmas away from my Mom before." She said in a tiny voice.

I sunk into the bed beside her. "Maybe it's time to call her."

She looked at me. "But she'll shout."

I shook my head. "Not at Christmas, she won't, Anyway, you've not got anything to lose. Surprise yourself."

She gave a bitter smile. "Addison?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe it's time you read Dad's letter."

My heart skipped a beat. I sucked in my breath. "Evie, I…"

She looked at me sadly. "I will, if you will…"

_Slow, deep breaths, Addison._

"I… I…" I didn't have a good excuse. Only I was scared. Evie reached under my bed and pulled it out. My name on the envelope in that writing… She held it out to me. With a shaking hand, I took it.

Tearing open the envelope with shaking hands, I felt the tear run down my cheek.

Mark…

_  
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Make the Yule-tide gay,_

_Addy,_

_I don't know what to write. I understand why you did it, I really do. And I'm hurting just as much as you are. And I know you, Addy, you won't be reading this for months. Years, maybe. And I'm in Seattle, working under Derek, and you're still in Chicago, I bet. Still broken. I love you, Addy. I really, really love you. And although you can pretend this is for the best, and if you never see me again the pain will be less, we both know it won't. We've played around too many times, you've run away too many times. And I always come running after you. Well, I'm not going to do that anymore. This time I'm just waiting for you._

_I love you_

_Your Mark._

Evie had left the room at some point, and I could hear her next door on the phone, crying, "Mommy!"

Tears streamed down my face. I got up, wiped my eyes and headed downstairs.

I met Tammy halfway up.

"Addison." She said, "I have to tell you something."

I didn't have an answer.

"Don't shoot the messenger, Addy, but Mark Sloane says he loves you and he will wait for you forever."

My breath caught again. Then something cracked inside of me. Finally, I could see something ahead.

"I know." I said, "I know."

And I ran back upstairs, leaving a bewildered Tammy.

_  
From now on,  
our troubles will be miles away.  
_

I dialled the number. My heart thudded in my ear, along with the tentative ringing. It seemed as unsure around me as every person I knew.

"Hello?"

"Meredith? It's Addison."

Silence. "How're you doing?"

"I've been worse. Meredith, is Mark there?"

Stunned silence, again. I've become a master at that.

"D'you want to speak to Derek?" she squeaked in a small voice, and then, before I could answer, I could hear her in the background. "Derek, it's Addison. She wants to know if Mark's here."

I heard the rustle as the phone switched hands.

"Addy?"

"Derek."

"I…"

"Mark, Derek?" I was growing impatient.

"Uh… I didn't mean to pry, but… we had a chat and I think he's headed out to Chicago."

_Omigod._

"O…k. Thanks, Derek. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Addison."

I hung up. I could see Derek, blank expression on his face, staring at the dead phone. I grinned, for the first time in months.

It's funny how the littlest things do that.

_Here we are as in olden days,  
Happy golden days of yore._

I grabbed my coat and purse from my room. Then I left it, closing the door behind me. I poked my head around Evie's door. She was on the phone still, tears streaming down her face, smiling.

"Evie, I'm going out."

She put her hand over the phone, "Where?"

"To get your father."

I left before either of us could argue.

_  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more.  
_

I nearly escaped before Tammy and Kayleigh jumped on me.

"Addison, where are you going?" Kayleigh asked, her eyes wide. I could read the fear in them: **Addy's finally cracked. **

And maybe I had. But in this moment of insanity, I felt the sanest I had in weeks.

"To the airport." _Deep breath in, deep breath out. _

"The airport?" Kayleigh questioned, but Tammy's eyes were wide. She knew me too well.

"Mark's coming." She stated, and I couldn't look at her for a second. Then he pulled me into a hug, smiling. "I'm proud of you, Addison."

Tears welled up then. "I'm sorry, Tam… sorry for everything I've put you through…"

She shook her head at me, sternly. "Don't mention it."

With that, I left.

_Through the years  
We all will be together,  
If the Fates allow_

I drove down the highway, eyes smarting, but not with the bleak, horrid tears that had become my life for the past months. Tears of freedom, of liberation.

That was the word, I felt liberated.

It wasn't like the pain had gone. It was still there, as strong, as hurtful andf as powerful as ever. But I wasn't holding it in anymore. I had opened my barriers, let the floodwaters out. The pain and hurt and anguish was spreading from me into the world around me, diluting and dissolving in itself as it went.

And then there was the airport, and Mark.  
_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.  
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now._

**Reviews...please. I actually like live for feedback.**

**(wow I sound cool)**

**No, seriously. I really value everyone's opinion.**

**x**


	21. The Reason: Mark's POV

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

**Maddison fic. Thanks to Sparklepop777 for the title. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses. Mark heads over to Chicago and he is in for a huge surprise.**

**Author: Emily**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Addison leaves Seattle, and no one knows where she has gone. Mark sets out to find her, and eventually he does. They start a new relationship, but can their love hold out through everything they will go through?**

**The final chapter in the saga, then. A reunion. I hope no one feels I've stopped this too soon, I'm not giving up because of the lack of reviews, I felt that Addison and Mark in this story had pretty much come to the end of the road. So I used my number one favourite Maddison song (Hoobastank's the Reason) and went for the ending.**

**I'm not good with endings, as a rule. Hope it doesn't feel like too much of an anti-climax. I always love to know what everyone thinks.**

**Special thanks to Jody and McHobbit, who have provided me with lovely encouraging reviews when others seem to disappear... :(**

**It's been a hell of a journey, this one. Hope you like it.**

Chapter Twenty One – The Reason (Mark's POV)

_I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do_

I ran my hand through my hair, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. A deep sigh escaped from my chest and I raised myself out of my seat. My heart was thudding. I had no idea where I was going, not really. To Addison, yes, but I had no idea where from there. With or without her. My future was blurred.

I didn't need to wait in the baggage queue – I had brought nothing with me except my cell; the battery had died hours ago; and my wallet. I walked through the airport in an almost daze, wondering what crazy, Christmas-induced mental illness had thrown itself upon me.

_  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know  
_

A flash of red, the clip-clopping of Jimmy Choos upon polished airport floor.

A familiar face, just the other side of the customs desk, looking the other way.

Well, that was it, I had finally cracked. Hallucinating. That really boded well for the mental health thing.

But it was… it was Addy.

My Addy.

_  
I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you_

I paid no attention as they scanned me with the metal detector. I would not take my eyes off her for one minute, for fear she would disappear. _Addison…_

"Sir, did you have any bags?"

I turned to look at the customs officer. I frowned, and looked back up. She had gone. Heart thudding, I searched frantically with my eyes.

"Sir?"

"No… no, sorry… I don't have anything…"

She looked at me oddly. "Are you quite all right, sir?"

I nodded curtly. "Yes, thank you."

And I dashed through customs and ran out, head darting. She **was **there. Right there.

I wouldn't give up on her. She didn't deserve that. Derek was right. She deserved more.

I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with every day  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear

I spun round. She was somewhere here. I wasn't mad. I pulled my cell out of my pocket, desperately trying to get it to turn on. A single second of battery would be all I needed. Just to ring her.

"Mark?" I heard a voice.

I turned. She was standing across the floor from me, that black Gucci trench coat her mother had sent her for Christmas last year tucked around her tightly. She'd lost weight, and her eyes were slightly hollower than I'd ever seen them. She was wearing the shoes I bought her for her birthday, which made me smile. Her hair was unstraightened, wavy and as red as ever, framing her sad face.

We stared at each, eyes locking, waves of wild electricity flying between us in our gaze. Her knuckles were whitening where she clutched the strap of her bag, her eyes were wide and empty. I nearly dropped my cell in shock. Neither of us moved.

People passed us, moved around us, but we noticed nothing.

Just stared.

_  
I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you  
_

One step. Just one tiny step towards her, before I faltered. Was this some bizarre coincidence? Was she here for me?

The voice of reason in the back of my mind told me that there was no way she would have known where to find me. But there she was, stood in front of me, staring.

And she had been the one to speak my name. That was how it was.

Another small step.

And then she stumbled over to me burying her face in my chest and it was like a dream.

Like perfection, like heaven. Feeling her warm body in my arms, her real, wet tears on my shirt. Her shoulders shaking with sobs, almost sending me staggering backwards, my life had been so devoid of human contact these last few months. I buried my head in her hair, pressing kiss after to kiss to her head. I felt her arms snake around my waist, hold me tight, and I squeezed her to me. Harder.

She was here, and she was real.

_  
and the reason is you  
and the reason is you  
and the reason is you  
and the reason is you  
_

I don't know how long we stood there. Joined, molded together, inseparable. Like the Addy and Mark as students, before the real world hit. People passed us, watched us, smiled.

**She's here to welcome him home, **they thought, and they weren't wrong. Cliché as it sounded, I was finally home.

It took us eons to speak. She went first.

"Davy died." She said, looking straight into my eyes. "Davy died and I loved him so much and I didn't think I was allowed to love anymore, but I do, Mark, I love you and I was wrong and I shouldn't have sent you away and I lo-"

I put a finger gently to her lips, forcing her silent. Angry tears dashed from her eyes onto my hand, but I remained still.

"You shouldn't have pushed me away, Addison. I was mad at you."

Her eyes – a mixture of apprehension and regret.

"But I shouldn't have given up, Addison. I should have come running after you. I was wrong, too."

She shook her head, miserable eyes brightening a little, with some of the fierce anger and spirit I knew from the old Addy.

"I'm sorry, Mark."

A silence. "I'm sorry, Addison."

"For everything."

"For everything."

_  
I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know  
_

And when our lips touched, we clutched each other so tightly I thought both of us would starve of oxygen. Her lips under mine… Her face under my hands…

Deep, hungry breaths, foreheads leant together.

"I missed you." She said, "I read your letter and then I phoned Derek and I came straight away… I'm so sorry, Mark, I love you…"

"Shhhhh. I love you too. It's ok. A good friend told me not to give up on you. He told me you deserved more."

She smiled, knowing who I meant.

"Addison, Davy died. You don't have to be all right. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to love me. But I have to hold onto you."

"I do love you, Mark." She sobbed, clutching at my shirt, "I do. Davy… Davy… I want him here so much!"

And I did nothing but hold her close and cry.

_  
I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you  
_

I don't know how long we stood in that airport for. I don't know how long we cried. Then I drove us back to Tammy Jacobs' apartment in Addison's car and we spent another five minutes sat in the car outside, just holding on to what we thought we had lost, so long ago. What we thought we had lost along with our son.

Then Evie came running out, full of revelations and shocks and I was furious, devastated and proud all at the same time. And then I held her close to me and her baby between us and everything made sense. We would muddle through, because we could. And then Addison and Evie hugged and Addison reached out and took my hand shyly. And we walked back into the Christmas festivities.

_  
I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you_

_Anyone watching that day would have seen the heart-wrenching scene outside the apartment block. The man, his daughter and the only woman he ever really loved. They would have seen the look of love in his eyes as he held both of them close, the turmoil of emotions running behind his eyes. They would have watched the three of them silhouetted as they walked inside, three broken pieces of the same puzzle._

_There would be things they wouldn't know, too. They wouldn't know that Addison would deliver Evie's baby, with Mark, Becki and Karen watching, and that Evie would name him Samuel David Firth. How Addison would tease Mark about being a grandfather at the age of forty. They wouldn't know how three years later Mark and Addison would adopt a little Ethiopian girl called Maya and the next month Mark would finally ask Addison to marry him. They wouldn't know that they would get married in a small service, with Derek as best man and Tammy as Maid of Honour, and Meredith, sporting her own wedding ring, Izzie, Kayleigh and Callie as bridesmaids. They wouldn't know how Maya Montgomery-Sloane would run through the hallways of Seattle Grace with Meredith and Derek's son Kyle and Evie's Sam. They wouldn't know how Evie completed her art degree and how she met and fell in love with Jason Biggs, a sensible History major who married her and gave her a daughter, a girl she would call Addison. They wouldn't imagine how Derek would be one of the best Chiefs of Surgery Seattle Grace had ever had, and how later Addison would accept her own Chief position at Seattle Presbyterian. They wouldn't think so far into the future as to how Maya would become one of the best paediatric surgeons in the USA, and how eventually she would marry her childhood sweetheart and best friend Kyle Shepherd, and how Addison and Mark would laugh that a Sloane girl had married a Shepherd boy, and how their family tree would be one of the most complicated ones around. They wouldn't know how although no marriage is ever perfect, Addy and Mark's would be close to it. _

_Because after everything that had happened, they had never given up._

_She had always followed her heart, never been afraid to be wrong._

_He had always run after her, always wiped away her tears._

_They had love on their side, after all, and whenever one of them was broken, the other was always there, picking up the pieces._

_Fin_


End file.
